“You look so good. Have you lost weight?”
It’s really amazing how good that makes you feel. It sounds kind of cheesy, sure, but in practice, it does boost your confidence. And dare I say, your ego. Just a bit.
Several people follow that statement with something like “How are you doing it?” In fact, someone actually told me the other day not to tell her I’m not doing anything, because then she’d have to hit me. Rest assured, I am doing something. Something I’ve never done before. I began to work out, seriously, with Jayme about 5 weeks ago. It’s certainly been hard and more than a couple of times, I asked myself what the hell I was doing.
But, there is a reason I keep at it. And that reason is not what you’d first think. Not that my reason should be anybody else’s reason or my reasoning should be followed in any way. It is simply the way I justify it to myself. Every night (or evening) when the couch is literally calling my name, I have to remind myself of what’s keeping me going. I have to remind myself of my motivation.
Because it’s good for me? It is certainly good for me, but no.
For my health? It’d be a good, sensible reason…but no.
Because it’s fun? Shit no.
So what is it?
It’s actually very simple. I want to be able to take my shirt off in front of my wife and not feel ashamed.
When I look at myself in the mirror every morning and every night, I see the same person I always have. I don’t see myself for what I am. I’m not looking at that reflection with a critical eye. Because most of the time, I’m by myself. There’s no point of comparison.
That point of comparison recently hit me square in the face and it forced me to realize something. I was overweight. Doughy, if you will. To tell you the truth, it was kind of mortifying. A long time ago, I accepted I was never going to be the skinny guy. It’s not in my genes. But, in my mind, I still looked okay. Acceptable, at least.
Well, that wasn’t the case.
What upset me most, though, was the realization that I was “letting myself go”. Strangely, looking back on it, I think I knew without being aware of it. Too many times, I would actually walk into the bathroom just to change shirts. Why? Because I knew that I was embarrassed enough to not want her to see me. Sounds kind of ridiculous, doesn’t it? That’s because it is.
That’s my motivation. Simple. It gets me moving when nothing else will. It even gets me moving when everything else is telling me not to. I love my wife desperately, and I want her to be proud of me.
Besides, I’m 31 years old. Am I really ready to give up on me like that? Really!?
I don’t think so!
