So, this is happening.
I came home on Wednesday (2/3) evening, and went to get a quick snack (yogurt-covered raisins), and they tasted weird. Like, a bodily fluid taste weird. I mean, at least I could taste something. So, I knew it wasn’t COVID-related. But I thought it was odd, and kind of chalked it up to weird raisins or whatever. Ate dinner, did some work, went to bed. All good.
The next morning, I woke up and went to work. As the day progressed, I found that my eye felt irritated, and my mouth was not working properly. Specifically, I could feel it when I smiled. I took a picture that morning, and then repeated it in the afternoon. It started to look odd.
I got home, got dinner ordered for Caroline and I (Jayme and Brian had gone to soccer practice), and then started to panic bit. My speech was starting to become impaired. (Even more than it already is.) I decided to go to the Urgent Care facility to get it checked out. I mean, you hear slurred speech, and droopy mouth, and you think stroke.
Well, that was all I had to tell the Urgent Care person, who examined me for 3-5 minutes, and then said “yeah, you need a head CT to rule out stroke, and we don’t have that here. You’re going to need to go to the ER down the street.” Ok, off I went. And three hours later, I had my clean head CT, and a brand spanking new case of Bell’s Palsy.
(Note: the weird taste of the raisins was actually just my tongue being half-numb)
Sigh.
I didn’t know what Bell’s Palsy was, to be honest. I mean, I had heard the term before, but I had no basis for understanding. I started reading about it, and listened to the ER doc explain it to me. Apparently, it mimics some of the symptoms of a stroke, but it’s nowhere near as bad. It’s the inflammation of a nerve in your head caused by a latent viral infection (again, not COVID-related). The nerve that it hits is the one that branches out from the back of your ear, and controls the muscles in the side of your face. Mine happened to hit the left side of my face. And it's caused my eye not to close, and my mouth (and lips) to malfunction.
I’m here to tell you, it sucks.
I talk everyday with a friend of Jayme’s (see ** at end of post) who had this thing a couple of years ago. Everything she’s said has come true so far. It didn’t really hurt for the first week, but oh boy did it come with a vengeance this past weekend. I likened it to getting punched in the face repeatedly. The whole left side is tender, and feels swollen (even though it’s not). Yet, it sits there and aches.
How am I feeling?
I’m ok, I guess. I mean, it is what it is. There’s nothing to do but wait. It takes anti-viral medicine, steroids, and patience. All of which I have, but it is a roller coaster along the way.
Every time I smile, I am reminded of it.
Every time I try to drink, I'm reminded of it.
Speak.
Eat.
Brush my teeth.
Try to sleep on my left side.
Say any word that starts with an "f" or a "p".
And, just as a nice topper, it makes the stuttering even more pronounced. Fantastic.
Honestly, it really makes me feel like a freak. Like the Hunchback of Notre Dame or something. You have this notion of what you look like in your head, and it’s REALLY not that right now. My view of myself seems disjointed, misaligned. Not exactly good for a healthy self-image or self-esteem.
Having said that, everyone in my life has been extremely supportive. They’ve treated me with empathy and respect, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that.
It will get better. It will go away. It seems it's just a tiny little exercise in humility until then.
** A very big and very special shout-out to Rachel Mountain. She's been my sherpa through this thing, as she has experienced it first-hand and knows the ups and downs that come with it. Not only has she treated me with kindness and compassion, but she has checked in on me most days, and her sincerity has really made me smile (even if half-cocked). Really appreciate it, Rachel!
