An intriguing podcast episode hit my feed last week, and I was not expecting it. I was certainly not expecting to listen to it while I sat in the airport. Slate’s Hear Me Out podcast had an episode entitled “Less Porn, More Sex Tapes”.
In this episode, CEO of MakeLoveNotPorn Cindy Gallop, argues that porn is not specifically bad, but should be considered fantasy, and is notably performative and produced. Whereas sex tapes are more reality-based, with fantasy aspects stripped away, leaving just the beauty of human sex. My favorite way of explaining this was her assertion that sometimes you’re in the mood for movies (fictional) and sometimes you’re in the mood for documentaries (reality).
She further argues that real-world displays of “social” sex is good for sexual relations in society. I would agree with her. Watching porn is not watching reality. Because we (being human) will compare our own lives and experiences to what we see on-screen. So why not make that on-screen entertainment more set in the real world, with real people, in real situations? After all, when we have sex with our partners, it’s grounded in the real world. She’s not the damsel in distress and I’m not the pizza delivery guy.
Two of my favorite quotes from the episode:
Women enjoy sex just as much as men. And men are just as romantic as women.
We are one of the solutions to toxic masculinity.
I’d encourage you to listen to the episode with an open mind. It’s not how we’ve all been taught to think (about sex and the role of watching recorded sex). In fact, most of us were never taught at all. Which is a failing, to be sure. Maybe listen and think about how displays (via these real-world sex tapes) can steer us to the right way.
