Last weekend, I had a conversation with my family to get their thoughts on the idea I’d been reading about regarding me who are feeling disenfranchised in this election season. There are layers to this argument that I don’t think receive enough coverage or consideration.
And then I came across this post on Mastodon from @RickiTarr:
I’ve had a lot of men complain to me about the post I made about Men’s Loneliness. I can understand feeling marginalized, all women can. Now translate that into how women are made to feel every time they post or say anything for thousands of years. We are still fighting for basic rights, to get paid the same, to be recognized. We are in a society where 1 in 4 of us will be sexually assaulted. You might start understanding why so many of us are angry, and have every right to be, when, for instance, someone says, Loneliness is an issue for women too, and you act like you’re being attacked. It isn’t out of left field to say that many women take up extra emotional labor in relationships. It feels very strange when men keep complaining to me about getting their feelings hurt in a society they both created and continue to use to oppress women. We understand that it’s not every man, but it’s still way too many. If you’re a kind and fair man, the post was never about you, I love all the kind and supportive men I’ve met here, but I shouldn’t need to put #NotAllMen on every post.
As a man (particularly a straight, white man), I see all sides of this. My personal belief is we (as men) need to shut the fuck about the idea of disenfranchisement in terms of politics and “standing” in the country. As Ricki points out above, we have been in charge of this country from the beginning and continue to be. We have no leg to stand on there.
However, I do believe that we (as a society) do not value or even tolerate the idea that men can suffer from mental health issues. Specifically, I think we denigrate the idea of depression and how it affects men. It is ignored or downright mocked. It should be no surprise that the toxic masculinity narrative plays a heavy role in this predicament.
