On our way back from Lanier Islands last weekend, Jayme and I saw a ton of pickup trucks. And I’m not talking about the Ford Ranger-sized pickups of our youth. No, I’m talking about the massive, Monster Truck-style pickups of today. You know, the Ford F-_1_50s.

This has to stop. These trucks are not needed. Not only are these trucks not needed, the 250, the 350, and the utterly ridiculous 450 are NOT NEEDED. (Obviously, the same goes for all similar vehicles by other manufacturers).

What are these for? Honestly.

If it were up to me, all manufacturers should cease making them for public sale, and only have them available to rent when needed. Don’t talk to me about conservation of resources and “little girls don’t need 37 dolls” when these grown ass people want pickups that are twice the size of my own vehicle (which is not even a sedan anymore).

And for what? Because these owners want to feel more manly? Is that all we care about these days?

Just a few reasons that come to mind for my proposal:

• Gas efficiency
• Hazard for kids
• Too big for normal parking places
• Produce 2x more emissions than most cars

Related: Please see this Axios article that specifically speaks to these reasons.

Trump ‘Alarmists’ Were Right. We Should Say So.

Throughout the Trump era I’ve been firmly in the camp unaffectionately dismissed as ‘alarmist’ by most commentators. Put simply: It is that bad. Liberal democracy is in danger. Fascism is a reasonable term for what we’re fighting. For veteran ‘alarmists’ this is a strange moment. People are at a loss. It seems wrong, given all that is at stake, to say “I told you so”. I’ve felt that discomfort. For the longest time I avoided saying that. It felt . . . petty, childish, gauche, it just wasn’t the done thing. One of the big political awakenings I’ve had over the last year, and particularly since Trump’s 2024 victory, is realizing that it’s OK to say “called it”. More than OK. Even if it feels awkward, it’s actually important, perhaps necessary, that we do.

I have no problem saying this. But I do think it’s important to shout it from the rooftops. I also think it’s necessary to have this conversation with your “undecided” friends who swung for Trump because the price of their fucking groceries went up because of a global economic downturn. And even the friends who told you before the election “I think he’s a good person” or “He won’t be that bad.”

No, he is that bad. This administration is that bad. Face the newfound (to you) facts.

When the cries of “you’re being ridiculous” or “surely, they wouldn’t do that” come raining down on anyone who dares posit the assertion that Trump would run for (or even skip an election process altogether and outright declare) a third presidential term, I have to take a pause and wonder:

Why would anyone believe that? What evidence so far is there to believe that he cares (at least by bluster) about the Constitution, the rule of law, or any type of governmental norm?

“But that’s literally a Constitutional amendment”, they’ll say.

And my response would always be: “And?”

West Ada issues response teacher told to remove inclusive poster | ktvb.com

Sarah Inama was instructed by her principal and district personnel to take down two posters — one listing classroom values and another stating “Everyone is welcome here” featuring hands of various skin tones — because they allegedly violated district policy against displaying personal opinions.

Got it. So the idea of “everyone is welcome here” is a personal opinion, only. Clearly, there are people (In charge? On the school board? Running the school? Attending the school?) that have a personal opinion that everyone is NOT welcome in the school. And we should absolutely protect that idea. That’s great to teach our kids.

“I was told that ‘everyone is welcome here’ is not something that everybody believes. So that’s what makes it a personal opinion,” Inama said, attributing these statements to building administration and district personnel.

Oh, well there you go. Confirmed.

Critics (of the district’s demand of the takedown) note apparent contradictions in the district’s approach. The memo asserts, “At West Ada, we proudly welcome all students into our buildings and classrooms—not through posters, but through the genuine connections we foster every day.”

Wait, what?

Ok, so it’s utter MAGA anti-DEI bullshit. Got it.

I know, I know, I watch The West Wing a lot. A lot a lot. Maybe too much, some would say. But hey, it’s who I am.

Anyway, I’m watching the several episodes around the President telling his staff (and subsequently dealing with the fallout) that he did not disclose the fact that he had Multiple Sclerosis as he was running for President.

And honestly, I had to laugh…

Because I realize that this would be a nothing story today. The writers and producers spent 4-5 episodes on this story arc. And it wouldn’t even make it through an entire week’s worth of news cycles nowadays.

• The story would leak.
• People would set their hair on fire.
• MAGA would jump to defending Trump and say he’s putting his own health at risk to make America great again.
• Opponents of MAGA would boast that “we got him this time!”
• Calls for his medical records would go out across the land.
• Trump would tell everyone to fuck off, and that’s it’s every American’s right to privacy. (You know, except for women, homosexuals, transgender, and immigrants, etc.)
• MAGA would cheer him for how brave he is, while simultaneously denigrating Joe Biden for being too old.
• Pearls would be clutched.
• Teeth woujd be gnashed.

And after a week, 10 days at max, nothing tangible would have happened. Nothing from the Democrats. Certainly nothing from the (so-called) Republicans. Nothing from Congress. Nothing from the Supreme Court.

And the cycle would just repeat itself with the next lunatic thing that comes out the White House next week.

And so it goes in the land of the utterly absurd. Because nothing is normal. And nothing has consequences.

In the midst of all of the bad news these days, I wanted to share some good news this morning.

I’m having my Sunday coffee and biscuits, and overheard the lady who brings out the coffee speaking with a couple (man/woman) who seem to be regulars. They were planning a trip somewhere beforehand, and the coffee lady engaged about where they were going. Eventually, it led to the realization that that the coffee lady’s “roommate” was really her partner. Which made me smile, because love shouldln’t be a bad thing (despite the what bigots will spout off).

But the amazing thing, and the thing that made this interaction special, was that as the coffee lady was leaving, she described her partner as special. Sweet, right? But then the lady in the travel-planning couple replied with “You’re special. And that news make me happy.”

That’s what life is supposed to be. Not all of the negative hate-filled bullshit you hear from this administration and its ilk. Love is supposed to be a joyous thing. And this small interaction made it joyous this morning for me. And it made my heart swell a little bit.

Honestly, feeling helpless on the national (not even just) politics front. No one is standing up to say “no”. Not Congress. Not the Judiciary. Not the Democratic Party. Certainly not the Republican Party (which let’s face it, is no more).

Congress and the Judiciary are supposed to be our checks against authoritarian power. It’s literally built in to our form of government. Or, at least it used to be.

There seem to be no patriots left in our government. None. Everyone is just “ok” with the direction we’re heading, I guess. If that does lead to World War III, I guess we’re ok with that.

Congress should be rioting at this point. They are silent.

The Judiciary (especially the Supreme Court) should steer their docket specifically to these questions and concerns. They won’t. They’ll just go on persecuting abortion doctors and LBGTQ+ people. Seemingly, for fun.

It’s embarrassing. It’s saddening. It’s maddening.

Some people look at me with disgust when I stand for the national anthem, but don’t put my hand over my heart. What’s happening right now is why. I’m honestly thinking about not even standing in the future. And before you chastise me for this, read over the ending lyrics again for the nation anthem: “O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?”. We aren’t free. We are pawns in someone’s narcistic power grab.

We are not a country we should be proud of right now.

We got lucky the other day when we learned the hometown AFC Ajax would be playing at home on the only day we were in Amsterdam. So, we shifted our schedule a bit, and attended our 3rd soccer match on the trip, Ajax vs. Go Ahead Eagles.

Here are some impressions:

• The acoustics seemed different in Johan Cruyff Arena. The crowd seemed louder, even though I know the Dortmund crowd was louder.
• The atmosphere was much more like a giant backyard BBQ than a soccer match. Which fit in perfectly given the Sunday afternoon start!
• I just realized that at neither of the three matches were national anthems performed. And you know what, the game still happened, people still enjoyed it, and nobody called the other unpatriotic. What a thought!
• I also realized that soccer chants are kind of indistinguishable from just muffled yelling. Especially when you don’t know the language! 😂
• In most American sports complexes, a fan can enter any gate and walk to their section. Not so with Ajax. We were given a gate to walk in, and it led straight to a staircase, and directly to a specific 5-section area where here we could roam. That’s it, though.
• On top of that, they had digital kiosks for ordering food and/or drink. And they asked you when you wanted it, now or halftime. And when it was supposed to be ready, they had a ticketing system. Very organized. Very process-driven. Very Dutch.
• I loved that they had a smaller screen on the backside of the large LED scoreboard screens so the fans who had seats behind them could still see a scoreboard.

• ESPN really does cover everything. I saw a guy right on the sidelines filming the whole match.
• During a VAR overturn, the guys behind us jumped up so fast, and I guess just lost hold of their beer. An entire cup was spilled on Brian and I. He got the worst of it, I’m afraid.
• Rarely have I see the visiting supporter sections be surrounded by a literal net. They take their football seriously! (Also, I don’t think that visual would fly here in the States…then again, these days, maybe it would.)

• Final Score:

Blind spots are all over the place. We can’t see them, obviously, but they’re there. Whenever you can, ask someone from the outside to validate your process (whatever that process is) without having prior knowledge of said process.

My reminder this morning came when trying to check in to our Delta flight thru its partner here in Amsterdam, KLM. In multiple instances, we were corrected by a human being because we had done the wrong thing or turned the wrong way. In our defense, there were no signs indicating our transgression or providing the “correct way”. I guess the process assumed we’d proceed in x direction, because why wouldn’t we? And yet, we didn’t. Because we’re humans and we don’t behave according to expectations.

Just a friendly reminder from someone who is going to put some fresh eyes on his own process once we return home.

Last night, Brian, Jayme and I attended our first ever Bundesliga match at Signal Iduna Park in Dortmund, Germany. Dortmund’s own hosted Union Berlin.

This experience gave me the same kinds of vibes as our journey to Wrexham close to 2 years ago, but on a much larger scale.

Like I did with our Bayern Munich match the other night, I’m going to skip the narrative and give you my quick impressions:

• The central train station in Dortmund was spewing out masses of people covered in black and yellow. We watched them as we ate lunch right across the street, after having gone to the German Football Museum with our walking tour guide.

• Have you ever seen the scenes in movies where people march, and then people along the way join in on the march? And the crowd of marchers just continues to grow until it’s this mass of people moving through the arteries of the city? That’s what it was like walking from City Center to the stadium area.

• There were separate entry lines for men vs. women. We didn’t know this, of course, but it was because they do pat-downs before you are allowed inside the stadium. Poor Jayme had to go back to the end of the women’s line and start the queue over.

• All around the stadium, black and yellow everywhere. I mean everywhere.

• What fascinated me (and made me smile) was that Dortmund (entering the game) was in 12th place in the Bundesliga standings. 12th!! And still this many people. Fantastic!

• The Euro-pop playing before the game. Still as strong as ever.

• Coming from Atlanta and having our beloved United play in Mercedes-Benz Stadium, we know a thing or two about large sporting venues. The size of this place, though, can’t be described.

• It’s a completely different feeling than Munich. Completely different experience and environment. It makes Bayern Munich look corporate.

• When they were decked out in their red and white ponchos, the Union Berlin fans looked like they were at a graduation ceremony.

• When fans from both sides lit flares right at the start of the match, Jayme turned to me and asked: “How does this place not burn down every match?”

• If any American thinks the NFL is the be-all-end-all, I implore you to go watch a Dortmund match at home. It’s special.

• Announced attendance: 81,365

• Despite the score at 0-4, Berlin fans were still rocking. Also at 0-5. Again at 0-6. And even at the end of the match. The passion had not subsided.

• I don’t know what one beyond a hat trick is, but #9 Serhou Guirassy had 4 goals on the night.

• Honestly, being there, being present in the moment, makes you forget the standings. This was a #12 (Dortmund) vs. #13 (Berlin) in the standings match. And no one cared. The passion (for both teams) was still very much on display.

• Dortmund did move up to 10th with the win! 😀

Last night, Brian and I attended our first Champions League game while we were in Munich. Lucky timing, we’re able to see hometown FC Bayern Müchen face Celtic Glasgow in the second leg of their round. Rather than an account of our travels, I just wrote down some observations. You know, when my fingers actually worked and were not frozen.

• On the train to the game, we were in a car full of fans from both teams. What I found heartwarming was that each side of the fan base let the other do their cheer before doing their own. They took turns, and it was beautiful to watch (and hear!).
• Also, beer (in bottles) on subway trains is a thing. Who knew?!
• It’s amazing how these (Celtic) fans can make this trip in 36 hours, basically.
• Allianz Arena is beautiful when it’s lit up red for a FC Bayern Munich match.
• It’s fucking cold in Germany in February. It was 22 degrees F for most of the 4 hours we were at the arena and the game.
• Scarves make a lot more sense in Europe than they do in MLS. They’re actually needed in Europe as part of the match-going experience.
• The supporters section gets about as much work in as the players: they don’t stop.
• Men’s bathrooms are at a standstill. Even worse than baseball games in the United States.
• There’s still a LOT of smoking in Europe.
• Unlike games/matches in the U.S., everyone leaves the stands for halftime. That could be because they do not leave while the game is happening.
• Ever heard 75,000 people dead silent? There was a moment of silence for the victims of the Munich attack just days before. It was eery how quiet it was. Silence has never been so loud.
• It was a great experience, but a long one. Brian and I left the hotel at 6pm, and didn’t return until 12 midnight.

To bring it back to a simpler complaint this morning, let’s talk about customer service. Or the utter lack of it, to be honest.

We recently refinanced our second mortgage so we can make some improvements to the house. I won’t even go into the whole process, because that’s a small novella that no one wants to read. Instead, I’m going to focus on the (now previous) holding company for our 2nd mortgage. I’ll save the name until I receive my money back from the overpayment I’m about to describe.

Long story short, we closed on the new mortgage contract on Friday, 2/7. The mortgage payment for the current company was due on 2/15. I stupidly assumed that there would be enough time for the holder to realize the balance is now $0.00 and NOT take out the money from our recurring payment. That was my hope, at least.

So, in an effort to save us all from phone calls and needlessly moving money back and forth, I went in on Wednesday 2/12 and tried to stop the recurring payment scheduled for the 15th. And this is what I encountered:

Sigh…because apparently in 2025, it takes 5 freaking days to transfer several digits from this computer to that computer. Sadly, this kind of thing is not new to me. In fact, on my Blogs note in Apple Notes, I have had the following question just sitting there: “Why does it take 5-7 BUSINESS days to move money from this bank to this bank?” Here were are again.

Anyway, ok, this sucks. Let me contact their customer service department to see if a human can help me. After all, I’m attempting to help myself AND them in this issue. It will save them time (read: money) and work as well. I clicked the ever-present “Contact Us” link, and was presented with a web form (not my favorite), but with this at the top:

I’m sorry, what the actual fuck?!?! Not 30 seconds. Not 30 minutes. Not even 30 hours. 30 FREAKING DAYS.

Hang up the idea of attempting to stop this auto-payment. That’s out the window at this point. How is this customer service?! The sad thing is I know their goal here. I know why they say this. It’s to absolutely and utterly discourage customers from contacting them. It’s literally them saying “We don’t want to help you. In fact, we aim to frustrate you. We aim to give you the finger right up front.”

Oh, and the “Chat online with Customer Service” button did nothing. I pressed and pressed it. It did nothing. It’s for show. It’s for them to check a box (somewhere?) that says they offered.

What a fucking joke this company is.

(And before anyone asks, this company was not our choice. The original holder sold our mortgage to this company, with no input from us. This is not uncommon.)

I finally had to close the laptop and just walk away and let things fall where they may. It’s all I could do. And it’s all I could stomach at that particular minute.

Fascinating episode of 99% Invisible, entitled “Your Own Personal Jesus” this morning. I grew up seeing this particular version of Jesus in any church I visited. Its ubiquity is only outdone by its singular creation story. I had NO idea that this image was painted by a man from Chicago in 1940.

These kinds of things always make me think about the “Sliding Doors’ problem. If that guy happens to get hit by a car when he was 15 years old, what does the world look like now? What does Christianity in the U.S. look like if that had happened?

Just fascinating to think about.

In an early episode from The West Wing (S1E16) entitled “20 Hours in L.A.”, there is a scene where President Bartlet attends a town hall in California where concerned citizens are speaking out about flag burning. And one of the speakers has this to say:

Mr. President, I rise today to say that the American flag is probably the most recognized symbol in the world. Wherever it stands, it represents freedom. Millions of American citizens, who have served our nation in war, have carried that flag into battle. They have been killed just for wearing it on their uniforms, because it represents the most feared deterrent to tyranny. And that is liberty.

I agree with most of this statement. But I’m having a real hard time with the following sentence:

Wherever it stands, it represents freedom.

Because I don’t know that it does, even in our own country. It seems to stand for freedom if you are a white, heterosexual, non-poor, (preferably) male, Christian person.

It doesn’t seem to stand for freedom for:

• Black people
• Latino people
• Women
• Transgender people
• Homosexual people
• Poor people
• Non-Christian people

It doesn’t stand for freedom for these people. At least not in Trump’s America. And I say “Trump’s America” to represent the collective lack of empathy, compassion, understanding, and care for what they call “the other” in our society.

I was listening to episode 280 of “Under the Radar” this past weekend, and they were discussing architectural and design decisions that are made early on that end up disproportionally driving decisions down the line. Not to mention bugs and endless frustrations. I ended up nodding a lot during Marco and David’s discussion.

Which led my brain down the path of relating that to Romanoff. What was a decision that was made long, long ago that I wish would have been made differently? And honestly, what came to mind was something I (or we) didn’t know because we didn’t have the experience to know. What was that topic? Contacts.

Let me describe what exists now, and then we can look at what I wish it would (could) have been:

Right now, orders (in Romanoff parlance: Work Orders) are linked to a Customer entity. And that Customer has relational entities for CustomerName, CustomerAddress, CustomerEmailAddress, and CustomerPhoneNumber. Hence if the customer has multiple phone numbers (for example), the system will support that. Seems great, right?

Well, the main issue is that the Work Order is only linked via the Customer entity. So, when a given customer has two orders, one at address 1 and the other at address 2, there’s a problem. If you change the “installation” address for order B, the address also changes for order A. Not great. Sure, the workaround is to create another Customer instance, but that defeats the purpose of explicitly linking both orders to the same customer.

As we’ve come to discover, there are more customers out there with multiple addresses than I thought. (Must be nice, right?) We also learned is a lot of customers aren’t just individuals. They use our services for their own businesses. So, they may manage an apartment complex with multiple units. Our structure utterly breaks in this scenario.

Here’s my spitball proposal to fix this issue (and I’m still mulling over the consequences, good and bad):

Introduce the idea of Contacts. And what I mean by that is a separate collection of entities that are wholly separate from the order structure. A single contact can have multiple phone numbers, addresses, email addresses, and even names. Sounds very much the same as we have now. Except for the key distinction that these entities exist on their own. The Work Order would simply “pick from” the contact’s various data points and hold its own references. Hence,

• WorkOrderCustomerName (1)
• WorkOrderCustomerAddress (1…N)
• WorkOrderCustomerEmailAddress (0…N)
• WorkOrderCustomerPhoneNumber (0…N)

This allows the Contacts infrastructure to hold the underlying information, while the Work Order references what it needs, and ignores the data points that don’t apply to it.

Honestly, as I’m thinking about it, it’s kind of like how (retail) Amazon used to behave with the idea of a contact “book”. (Jayme handles all the Amazon stuff these days, so I don’t exactly know if they still treat it like this or not.)

We always talk about technical debt in our profession, and this is a perfect example of it. We just didn’t know it at the time. 🤷🏻‍♂️

I received a call around 3:45am from the ER doc about Ginny. While she initially had gotten a little better having IV fluids and several medicines administered, she hadn’t shown any signs of improvement since the evening. She said they would continue to monitor, and that she’d call me back around 5 or 5:30.

I put the phone down, and explained what the doctor had said to Jayme. Obviously, not getting any better was not great news. But we hugged each other and began to brace for what that next phone call could bring. And it brought into relief just how each of us handle situations like this.

Jayme laid down and feverishly searched the Internet. “What are the signs your dog is dying?” “How to tell if your dog is letting go”. “What are the options for your dog after they pass?” “Can dogs come back from being extremely dehydrated?” Etc. Etc.

Meanwhile, I laid there almost completely still. Running through every scenario in my head. Trying to figure out next steps depending on what the doctor called back to say. Who should we reach out to? How are we going to tell the kids? Can we be with her if it’s bad news? Could we bring her home if it’s good news? Etc. Etc.

Because that’s what we do.

This morning, our eldest dog passed away. She got really sick yesterday afternoon, and despite the best efforts of the ER vet, just never really recovered. Around 6:30am this morning, the doctor called and said we needed to come up. We were very lucky that all four of us were home to say goodbye to our sweet girl.

Ginny was 17, and lived a good, long life full of love. Rest in peace, baby girl.

I listen to a lot of tech podcasts, and I read a lot of tech articles. With that as the basis, I am so sick of hearing about AI that I could vomit.

And it’s not even writers/podcasters espousing the greatness of the technology itself, it’s the whole thing. All of the fawning. All of the pearl-clutching. It has reached a saturation point, and I am sick of it.

As we all know by now, AI is not really intelligence anyway. It’s a reinterpretation of something that has already been. A guess. A hypothesis. So the fact that tech companies and other businesses try to incorporate AI into their systems and their customer experiences, and then are upset that customers/users are frustrated by what is produced, just proves that these companies have not thought this technology through before hoisting it on their customers. Looking at you, Apple, in this regard.

Not only that, most end users don’t even know when the information they’re presented with is incorrect. When they ask the system a question or try to look up information, and the answer comes back as “authoritative”, hence they accept it as fact, but it’s actually not true or real, makes it even worse.

All of that to say, much like social networks and social media, AI should die in a fire. Immediately.

That’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.

As one of the three hosts of my most-listened to podcast (Accidental Tech Podcast), John Siracusa has been the “voice of reason” for over 15 years in my podcast listening universe. Prior to ATP, he co-hosted a podcast called Hypercritical, which has the best motto to explain John himself that I’ve ever heard: “Nothing is so perfect that it can’t be complained about.”

In the latest episode of ATP (starting around the 2:00:44 mark), the guys are relaying their feelings and frustrations and reactions to the recent U.S. election of Donald Trump (again). In the after-show, Marco and Casey turn to John to help explain why some people are feeling sad right now. In his very practical and logical way, John explains it exquisitely:

(I’ve transcripted, to the best of my ability, the entire 12-minute explanation here. It took a long time to do this, but I think his message is worth preserving here. Also, please excuse the typos if you find them 😀 )

For anyone who’s listening to this who is on the opposite side of us and somehow managed to make it to this point, congratulations on your hate listening. I bet one of the things you’re thinking is:

“This is so overblown, you’re so sad because your team lost the Super Bowl. Who cares? Like, get over it. Oh, you’re depressed, that’s ridiculous. Like what’s the big deal?”

To try to explain why this is different, I’m old enough to have lived through the election of many presidents that I didn’t want to win the election. I lived through many Republicans, and I didn’t want any of them to win. They did. Right? None of them felt like Trump, term 1 and term 2. And there’s a reason for that. This is different. This is worse than it has been in my lifetime for presidential elections. When George W. Bush was elected twice, I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe it the first time and I couldn’t believe he was elected the second time. Like, are we doing this again? You kidding? Have we learned nothing?

But it was not as bad as this. Because George W. Bush, for all his faults (and there are many), and for all the terrible things his administration did (and there are many), had sort of, minimum baseline level of humanity and at least an attempt to pretend to care about the duties of the presidency and the people who live in the country. And the whole thing with Trump has been, like, there is no floor. He doesn’t know anything. He doesn’t wanna know anything. He doesn’t care about anything. It’s like trying to decide who’s gonna fly your plane. Like, I don’t care if this person knows anything about planes, knows what a plane is, and has ever flown anything before, cares about any of the people on the plane, doesn’t actively want to kill everybody on the plane. None of that matters. Trump is the bottom. I can think of worse people to be president, but it’s hard. And it’s below the baseline. And so for people are on our side, when we see him elected not once, but twice, we think “how many millions of our fellow Americans think this is acceptable?” And we’re sad about that.

Obviously, we’re sad about all of the people are gonna be hurt, and killed, and have terrible things happen to them under his administration. But a big component of the sadness of both elections is all of us thinking we’re in this country with these millions and millions of people who think this is acceptable for the presidency. Right? It is not a good feeling.

Can you imagine if you were on the other side of this? If the Democrats elected somebody who said “we should kill all puppies”. That was a big thing on their platform. We should totally kill all puppies. And that person had murdered their wife, was convicted but got off on a technicality. So, was a murderer and he said we should kill all puppies. He’s not actually killing all puppies but he thinks we should kill all of them. And we elected him president. Wouldn’t you be sad thinking that millions and millions of people think it’s ok that the person who wants to kill puppies and killed his wife should be president? And you’d be like “Really? The puppy-killing guy? I know he hasn’t actually killed any puppies yet, but he said he wants to? And he’s gonna really try to? And that’s OK?”

And the response to that would be “Forget about the puppy killing, we like the other parts.” Wouldn’t you be sad, thinking that so many of your fellow citizens think that’s ok? Now that’s ridiculous, Trump doesn’t want to kill any puppies. But it’s the same type of deal. There’s a minimum level of care and humanity and knowledge that Trump does not pass. It’s hard living in a world where you think that’s OK for a lot of other people. It’s hard thinking all the bad things that he says are ok. Now you can say “I don’t believe all things he says I just like him and I just ignore all the bad stuff.” But at a certain point, knowing that your fellow citizens are on board with all that. Not on board with it being done, but on board with saying “the guy who says all that, he’s my guy. I don’t think he’s ever going to do all that, but he’s my guy.”

That’s a sad feeling. A sad feeling to know your fellow humans, forget about citizens, your fellow humans, think this is good. And knowing that you’re in the same country with the same laws under the same government, and you have to deal with the consequences of their vote. And again, it happens all the time. Sometimes, your person doesn’t win. I did not feel like this when George W. Bush won, when George H. W. Bush won, when Reagan won. It didn’t feel like this at all. This feels different. This feels worse because it is worse.

That’s why some people in your life are really sad right now. Maybe they’re special snowflakes and they should just “get over it” and not be sad or whatever, but it is worse. We feel worse. I didn’t feel like this in any other presidential election when “my person” didn’t win. This is different. This is worse.

And we know what we’re in for, and we know it’s going to be bad, and I feel if you study history and see what it takes for a governing system to be sort of broken apart and broken down, so that what was once a functioning society that tried to raise the standard of living for everybody and do better over time, becomes the domain of dictators and warlords. It happens all the time throughout history. How did these societies end up in a situation where there’s one super powerful person who’s oppressing everybody and doing terrible things and everyone else is suffering? How do you end up that situation?

The whole American experiment was to try to design a system where that’s harder to do. But people are constantly trying to find a way to break down that system, to break away all the things that are keeping us from becoming a lawless system. And we’ve made progress. If you look at the book “The Power Broker”, and can learn about, as a side effect, Tameny Hall. And all of the political corruption machines where politics was just a way, it was basically like street gangs, essentially. And when you got elected, you gave money and jobs to the people who supported you. Graft and bribery, that was the system. And that was a bad system.

And we had reformers who said “hey, this is no way to run a government” because it lets the people who are loyal to the political machine, it was like organized crime. That’s bad. Because the citizens suffer. And it’s the same reason having organized crime families battle each other is bad, even if they’re not killing each other in the street. They’re hogging all the money and the good stuff for a small number of people and everyone else suffers. Let’s reform the system. Let’s add laws and ethics and try to have a different way of governing ourselves that doesn’t involve patronage and graft. That took years and years of reformers battling to try to make our system better.

That’s history, not just in America, but over the entire world. It’s difficult to make a governing system that is resistant to people chipping it away. If you don’t constantly resist that, you end up with a small number of very wealthy, very powerful, people living really great lives, and everyone else suffering. And the American system is currently in regression where we had all these things that were trying to be bulwarks against that terrible thing happening that are being eaten away slowly, but surely: Citizens United, all the Supreme Court Justices letting the president do whatever he wants as long as it’s part of his official duties, reversing Roe v. Wade, installing judges who are loyal to Trump instead of the law.

All the checks and balances that we had are being chipped away in service of bringing us back to, essentially, Mad Max and warlords. Which by the way, is not a good system of government for the general citizen.

[…]

We are chipping away the institutions that try to make life better for everybody in service of making life better for a small number of people, while everyone else suffers. And part of that is convincing most of the population to vote for you by feeding them information that makes them think what they’re doing is in their own best interest. When it really isn’t.

And we will obviously disagree on that, but every time I even think about the idea of talking to somebody, and trying to convince them of my political position, I think of the concept of going back time to the 1800s in America and trying to convince somebody that women should have the right to vote. If you really want to understand another depressing thing that people are upset about, do you think you could go and convince somebody that women should have the right to vote in the 1800’s? How difficult would that be?

Presumably, you believe it. You’re a modern person, and like, of course the women should have the right to vote. That’s stupid. Now go back in time to the 1800’s and try to convince literally one person that should be true. Everything you say they will have a comeback to, and your brain will explode. You will think, “But, but..” And they will respond “It’s ridiculous, women should vote? What’s next? Dogs voting? It doesn’t make any sense.”

That’s how a lot of us feel trying to say “maybe don’t vote for Trump”. But people did it. And trying to convince them makes my brain explode in the same way that trying to convince someone in the 1800’s that women should vote. There’s nothing you can say to convince them. They have a completely sealed, completely logical, completely sensible, functioning worldview that does not include the idea of women voting. It took decades and decades of people fighting for it for us to finally get that done. And these days, I often think that we would never get a constitutional amendment to give rights to a minority group just because our current system of government has been so degraded that that will literally never happen because as long as one side doesn’t like it, it’s never gonna happen.

Anyway, I’ve rambled on too long. I just wanted to try to explain to the three people still listening why people you know might be sad in a way that doesn’t make sense to you and seems dumb. I understand why it seems dumb. But I want you to know that it’s not just people overreacting or being overly dramatic. For those of us on this side of the aisle, the two Trump elections feel different. I think they should feel different to any other human being, and I think across the globe they do feel different to most human beings. But not apparently for half of the voters in this country.

Well said, John. Well said.

I (and Jayme, because she watches via osmosis while staring at either her laptop or iPhone screen) am re-watching a CBS show from the early 2000’s called “Cold Case”. It’s a weekly cop procedural with a quasi-time travel twist. It’s not going to win any Emmys, but it’s a comfortable watch. Not a lot of thinking involved. But I do like to guess “who did it”, as they roll out the suspects in the first half of the episode. I get it right about 50% of the time.

Last night, the episode centered around a young cop duo from the mid-1950’s. One of the young cops was the son of the sergeant. The other was married with a kid on the way. They were tight friends, and partners on the force to boot. As the friendship grew, they realized it was more than just a friendship. And, suddenly, one of them was shot dead while on duty. The detectives back then never found the killer. Cold case. Done and done.

Now, obviously, our modern-day detective heroes come in a solve the case, because that’s what they do. I often joke that this show could have been called “Wow, the original detectives were shit!”. But that doesn’t have quite the ring to it. “Cold Case” is a much better name. That’s why they pay the Hollywood types, and not me.

I remember watching it when it was first on. It started before we spent close to a year in Europe. It was before we had kids. I fell right into the thinking that the show runners obviously wanted. It presents “the past” as difficult. Unfair. Problematic. And it’s not to belittle the past, mind you. It’s there to show the audience how far (the collective) we have come. How much we’ve overcome. How much we’ve progressed. It was a little self-congratulatory, now that I think about it.

But I watch these episodes now with a different perspective. Even in the roughly 25 years since the show first aired, I can see and feel the difference in the “where we are” of it. The ideas of racism, homophobia, immigration, white flight, women’s rights, toxic masculinity, etc. have all taken a sharp turn since the turn of the century. They’re back and even, dare I say, in vogue now. People are proud of it, much like the characters in the depiction of “the past”.

I always viewed these movements as moving forward. Never backward. Forward toward a better state. A better result. Toward a new and better normal.

And yet, here we are on the precipice of a government-sponsored, 53%-of-America-backed turnaround on one or all of these issues. And it saddens me.

Just a quick reaction list to things I’ve heard on “debrief” podcasts over the past 48 hours:

The voters didn’t know Kamala. They knew Trump, and they voted for who they knew. That’s bullshit. If you didn’t know who she was or what she stood for, you weren’t paying attention. Or, more probable, didn’t want to pay attention.

They voted against Biden. That’s great. Biden wasn’t running. Next.

Biden/Harris didn’t handle the Gaza situation correctly. You wanted a more pro-Palestinian stance? Ok, cool. So, just so we’re clear, you’re ok with Trump’s assertion that he wants Netanyahu to “finish the job”? Yeah, that makes sense. Good call, guys.

The Democrats lectured the electorate too much. Well, if you’d listen to the laundry list of things that’s disqualifies Trump from this position, we wouldn’t have to repeat it 800 gazillion times. But you didn’t then. And you obviously didn’t care now.

Kamala was a poor choice. What you mean to say is Kamala is a woman. And clearly, we don’t want to vote for a woman. You know, because reasons. None of them sexist or misogynistic, of course.

Every Wednesday, my DevOps team has our weekly meeting. This past Wednesday was no different. The first topic on our agenda dealt with SSL certificates. (Real blast, huh?!) We were lamenting the recent trend into lowering the certificate validation period even further to 45 days. My obvious question to the group was “why?”. We have period limits to these certificates now, not to mention the strength of the cryptographic algorithms have gone way up from what they used to be. The thought of lowering that time period even more could lead to a monumental headache for IT groups across the world.

My mind, though (as it does), took this idea to “What’s next? What’s next? What’s next?”. To the point of questioning why we have them at all if the goal is to keep them so supremely safe that they become impossible to actually manage. And the answer, in the end, is it simply can’t. There will be a point in which it fails. Computers, the faster they get, and the more horsepower is thrown at them, will be able to crack these cryptographic keys. We can’t stop it. So, measures like this are thrown out there to help aid it as much as we can, now.

Which doesn’t make me feel better, and just leads me to the feeling that all of this is just theater. Like taking our shoes off sometimes at the airport.

Curtis, my IT manager, broke it down to me like this:

Most attacks are thwarted from basic cybersecurity principles. It is when you have an either really determined attacker or an unfiltered opportunity that attacks mostly happen. Look at a grocery store. While there is ample opportunity to steal, the rudimentary security keeps a good portion of folks honest. It’s the folks that have the intention from the jump, that you plan for.

Basically, what he’s saying is that it’s the idea of norms that keep us from stealing the apple. Keep us from hacking the construction company. Keep us from breaking in through the locked screen door.

That hit me hard when I realized it’s the same idea that we’re facing with yet another Trump presidency. For the better part 9 years, the ideas of norms in our country have come under attack. And they continue to be.

We shouldn’t steal the apple. We shouldn’t hack the company. We shouldn’t break in to the house.

We shouldn’t thumb our noses at legacy and decency and decorum.

And that’s what I continue to be afraid of.

I’m just going to post these here, so I can refer back to them in 3-4 years. These are the current prices (as of 11/7/2024) in my local Publix grocery store:

According to some, the next administration should bring these prices down tremendously. I’m looking forward to it!

A friend of mine on FB posted this yesterday:

I make it widely known that I play poker regularly. The game is dominated by men 9:1. I’m not intimidated because my overall experience hasn’t been one of overt misogyny.

However, just since Tuesday, I noticed

• one inappropriate joke from a Trump supporter about a famous female poker player, and
• a conversation between two Trump supporters happy about the election somehow morphed into Kapernick’s girlfriend being “of that persuasion” and he’s “pu*sy whipped.” Direct quotes.

I’m extremely grateful to the white male dealer who assertively put an end to the conversation.

Men - I know this doesn’t represent you. But I hope you consider that people like this now feel more emboldened to bring such tasteless behavior out in public after being oppressed by “wokeness” for so long. There is a faction of our society that has been festering underground, possibly for generations, and now they feel their time has come.

She’s right. It’s time for men to step up and definitively say “this is not ok”. Because it’s not. And it never should have been.

On the most recent episode of Slate’s Amicus podcast, entitled “The Great Big Pre-Election Freedom and Democracy Show”, host Dahlia Lithwick speaks to Yale history professor Timothy Snyder about the cost of freedom:

You do say in the book [Synder’s new book “On Freedom”] that pointless dying is “un-freedom”. You talk a lot about maternal mortality rates in the US and generally about life expectancy in the US. I think we have to talk about the mounting tragedy of the women who die because of abortion bans. Because states do not think in terms of freedom for them and their own bodies. So as we’re talking, I’m thinking about Amber Thurman and I’m thinking about Candy Miller in Georgia. And the new reporting that just came out from ProPublica this week. Devastating stories about Josseli Barnica and Nevaeh Crain, deaths that were entirely preventable. One miscarriage, well underway, that had it been treated like any normal miscarriage, Joseeli would be alive today. And her daughter would have a mother. And Nevaeh, who dies after trying to get care in three different emergency room. Doctors in Texas failing to treat her sepsis out of apparent concern that the fetus she was carrying had a heartbeat. Both Nevaeh and her baby Lillian died. And these deaths are so connected, Tim, to what you described as the ever-present violence in the background of freedom. This notion that children need to die in school shootings so we can be free. Women need to die in childbirth so we can be free. This weird acculturated sense that some enormous amount of preventable predictable death, including (by the way) your critique of the healthcare system in the US. All this is a marker of our “freedom”. I guess I would just love for you to talk about it for a moment because it is such an arresting and (again) cramped notion of freedom that I think the rest of the world finds to be utter insane.

Freedom at all costs is not freedom.

Last weekend, I had a conversation with my family to get their thoughts on the idea I’d been reading about regarding me who are feeling disenfranchised in this election season. There are layers to this argument that I don’t think receive enough coverage or consideration.

And then I came across this post on Mastodon from @RickiTarr:

I’ve had a lot of men complain to me about the post I made about Men’s Loneliness. I can understand feeling marginalized, all women can. Now translate that into how women are made to feel every time they post or say anything for thousands of years. We are still fighting for basic rights, to get paid the same, to be recognized. We are in a society where 1 in 4 of us will be sexually assaulted. You might start understanding why so many of us are angry, and have every right to be, when, for instance, someone says, Loneliness is an issue for women too, and you act like you’re being attacked. It isn’t out of left field to say that many women take up extra emotional labor in relationships. It feels very strange when men keep complaining to me about getting their feelings hurt in a society they both created and continue to use to oppress women. We understand that it’s not every man, but it’s still way too many. If you’re a kind and fair man, the post was never about you, I love all the kind and supportive men I’ve met here, but I shouldn’t need to put #NotAllMen on every post.

As a man (particularly a straight, white man), I see all sides of this. My personal belief is we (as men) need to shut the fuck about the idea of disenfranchisement in terms of politics and “standing” in the country. As Ricki points out above, we have been in charge of this country from the beginning and continue to be. We have no leg to stand on there.

However, I do believe that we (as a society) do not value or even tolerate the idea that men can suffer from mental health issues. Specifically, I think we denigrate the idea of depression and how it affects men. It is ignored or downright mocked. It should be no surprise that the toxic masculinity narrative plays a heavy role in this predicament.

There was a interesting, and I think worth understanding, conversation about the new movie “The Apprentice” on October 16th’s edition of the Slate Culture Gabfest. The movie is, ostensibly, about how Trump became Trump.

The statements below start around the 15:49 mark of the episode:

Stephen Metcalf:

To me, the two big questions about Trump can’t be answered by a biopic. The first is “What is it about this country that it cannot repudiate that virus of Roy Cohen? (Cohen was a very young man, the right hand and the brains for Joseph McCarthy.) What is it about that need to other degrade and arouse incredibly deep seated, really deep seated, suspicions that Americans appear to have on the surface about alien others. What is that?”

And then the second thing is “How does someone as bad at being a business man as Trump, as unappealing, as weird, never have bullshit authoritatively called on him? What was the permission structure that in the face of this burlesque, this preposterous masculine burlesque, bent and bent and bent until he became president United States?”

I admire this movie, was very glad I saw it. I agree with you about the performances, especially as Trump. But I want those questions answered. I don’t have any sympathy for this person and that puts a biopic in an awkward position.

Julia Turner:

How about you, Sam? What about the sympathy question for you?

Sam Adams (Writer and Senior Editor at Slate):

…I think there was a real understanding that I think Cohen had and bequeathed to a lot of people about working the media and the nature of truth, and that the lack of necessity for truth that you don’t even have to come up with something plausible, you just have to change your story enough. There’s a part of this movie, kind of the kicker to it, is Roy Cohen kind of teaches these three rules of success and then Trump later claims the message and one of them is to just deny everything, never admit defeat. And I think that sort of philosophy is really there to kind of promulgate that idea and reveal that as the foundational principles of who Trump is, I think it has at least a practical use there.

It’s become clear to me that Democrats are, almost by default, at a disadvantage when it comes to political races these days. And here’s why:

When asked about “their” candidate, Democrats will say “I like [candidate name], but I don’t like their stance on [X issue]. So, I don’t know.”

Republicans will say “100% behind them”. Every time. Without equivocation. No matter the (sometimes blatant) flaws in their candidate.

That fracture is why Republicans win. It’s why Ralph Nader and Jill Stein can throw wrenches in elections that Democrats are supposed to, based on the feeling of the country, win. (Looking at you, 2000 election)

Imagine if the Democrats were “all-in” with their candidates like Republicans are.

I like Joanna Stern, so I’m not here to bust on her or the WSJ (in this particular context). But this is the type of thing that angers me when we’re talking about AI and (Apple) being “behind”. It’s something John Siracusa has talked about often on ATP, so I’m not novel in this complaint.

Stern recently sat down with Apple’s Craig Federighi to talk about Apple Intelligence and its “slow” rollout. Let’s look at the example that got to me. Go to the 5:33 mark of this video when Stern begins talking about OpenAI’s Advanced Voice Mode:

She asks it a simple question: “How does Craig Federighi do his hair?” The answer she received does trail off in the video, but it begins like this:

Craig Federighi has a full silver mane, typically brushed back…

She then contrasts this with what Siri came back with when asked the same question:

I found this on the web.

Ok, I see what she’s trying to prove here, but it’s not as “gotcha” as she thinks it is. Yes, the OpenAI model gives her back a conversational answer, and not a list of choices that were found (on the web) that could be the answer. People are frustrated with Siri for this type of thing. I get it.

But read the OpenAI answer again. It doesn’t answer the actual question! It even uses the word “typically”. The question was “How does Craig Federighi do his hair?” Not “How does a typical older man with voluminous gray hair do his hair?”

It’s not answering the damn question!!

As a viewer, we are supposed to marvel over “how does it know?” and “That’s creepily accurate!” No, it’s not! It’s generalizing an answer based on probabilities of “most men”. It’s not answering the question in regard to Craig himself.

It’s bullshit. And yet, everyone gets to hit on Apple for “missing the boat” or “being behind”. I’d rather them be behind than make shit up or generalizing an answer to the point of being useless. We have enough of that crap in the media nowadays. I don’t need it coming from my phone, too.

Just finished the latest season of Slate’s “Slow Burn” series, entitled “The Rise of Fox News”. There were a lot of stories and instances that made me angry, honestly too many to list here. But the thread that runs through the whole season, and I don’t even know that they meant for it to, is the idea of “news” not being about news anymore.

It’s about ratings and audience share, and all of the things that we talk about when we discuss viability of television shows. One of my favorite old-man-yelling-at-cloud personalities is Tony Kornheiser, whose podcast I’ve listened to for almost 17 years. He has two sayings that always stick with me:

• (When referring to sporting events) In the end, “it’s a television show!”
• The answer to every question is always: money.

TV “news” is about just that: A television show that’s there to make money. To the detriment of its audience, the very industry it serves, and the American people as a whole.

We don’t have facts anymore. We don’t have agreements on basic ideas anymore. Every idea, every statement is up for grabs. Up for interpretationtion. Something to be “won” by either side.

The utter disservice that Fox News (and all the others that followed their lead) did for the wider news audience is inexcusable. The last episode described several producers, who helped Fox News during their rise, lamenting their part in where we are today. They have a message board discussion, a group therapy if you will, where they ask each other “What Hath We Wrought?”

This. The state of discourse in this country is what you hath wrought.

1 + 1 does not equal 2 anymore. For every person that says “2”, you’ll have 3 more that will scream “Bias!” and proceed to tell you it’s 3. Congrats on your career, guys! Appreciate it!

We have to have news outlets that do what they purport to do: relay facts as they are and not inject opinion and agenda. Money has bastardized this profession. How do we get it back?

Recently, our 2nd mortgage was sold to another loan servicing company. This is probably 3 times now. It’s the market. Ok, I get it. Don’t love it.

But it’s really annoying for the customer because now I have to go and set up new accounts in the new company’s system, set up the original payment, only to then set up the recurring payment once first payment has cleared (for reasons passing understanding). It’s a terrible system, but it’s what we have.

Now, this only occurred to me today because I got a phone call from the new servicing company while I was sitting in a conference session. Have I heard from them before today? No, I have not. I couldn’t take the call, so I let it (silently) ring, just assuming it would go to VM. They didn’t leave a VM. I mean, why would they do that?!?

Keep in mind, I had logged on to their system, set up an account, and all of that mess when we first got the letter (yes, a physically printed sheet of paper) in the mail from the old servicing company informing me of the change. When I tried to link the loan (from the old company) with my name, loan number, and SSN, the system came back with “an error occurred with our system…please try again later”. Utterly generic, so I left it there, and vowed to try again before the due date of the 15th. (Spoiler alert: remember this date!)

Well, life happens. This is my second week traveling for work, and I have not been in my normal routine. So, when the call came in this morning, it sparked my brain and I silently chided myself for not remembering to take care of this before the fated 15th of the month.

After the session ended, I opened my laptop and called them back to get this thing going. As I punched in my SSN, an automated message told me “Your loan number has changed to xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx”. Well, that explains why the linking I had attempted 2 weeks earlier with my old loan number was not working. I wrote down the new number, typed that in to the linking screen, and boom goes the dynamite. We’re in business.

Now…

GOOD customer service would have been to contact me 3 days ago, on the 14th of the month instead of the 17th. You know, BEFORE my due date of the 15th. Now, I have set up the first payment to pay out today (the 17th), and they will most likely charge me a late fee. (If they do, I’m getting on the phone so fast…)

And not only that, I now have a second memory exercise (because the first one was a raging success!) of setting up the recurring payment once this first payment clears. So, they’ve set me up again (for failure). This time, though, I’ve added it to the calendar (what I should have done the first time).

All of that to say…(again?!!) what happened to customer service?ng

I’ve been stewing on something since the Vice Presidential debate ended several Tuesdays ago. It’s something that JD Vance said, and it really has stuck with me. And not in a good way. It’s in the wanting-to-scream-at-anyone-who-will-listen way. Here’s the quote:

This has to stop. And we’re not going to stop it by listening to experts. We’re going to stop it by listening to common sense wisdom, which is what Donald Trump governed on.

Now, Vance was specifically talking about free trade and how he (and his running mate) thinks that the idea of free trade has led to the downfall of the American economy. Here’s the context:

Vance:

Governor, you say trust the experts, but those same experts for 40 years said that if we shipped our manufacturing base off to China, we’d get cheaper goods. They lied about that. They said if we shipped our industrial base off to other countries, to Mexico and elsewhere, it would make the middle class stronger. They were wrong about that. They were wrong about the idea that if we made America less self-reliant, less productive in our own Nation, that it would somehow make us better off. And they were wrong about it.

Walz’s response:

Now, you made a question about experts, said this, I made a note of this. “Economists don’t, can’t be trusted. Science can’t be trusted. National security folks can’t be trusted.” Look, if you’re going to be President, you don’t have all the answers. Donald Trump believes he does. My pro tip of the day is this, if you need heart surgery, listen to the people at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, not Donald Trump. And the same thing goes with this and I ask you out there, teachers, nurses, truck drivers, whatever, how is it fair that you’re paying your taxes every year and Donald Trump hasn’t paid any Federal Tax 10 to last 15 years, in the last year as President? That’s what’s wrong with the system. There’s a way around it. And he’s bragged about that. We’re just asking for fairness in it, and that’s all you want.

Whether Vance is ultimately right about free trade, I can’t say. It is not a topic I am well-versed in. I’m not an expert. But what he says in the main quote strikes at the very heart of the problem, as I see it. He doesn’t believe in expertise. His boss doesn’t believe in it. Their followers don’t believe in it. I would even venture to say the Republican Party, in 2024, doesn’t believe in it.

Walz does address the issue head-on in his response. And I’m glad he did. I have a good friend and colleague who is recovering right now from a double-lung transplant. He had access to the foremost expert in the world for his degenerative lung disease. He performed the procedure and my friend came through with flying colors. I’ve been getting updates from his wife several times a day. He’s doing so well, and I couldn’t be happier, or more appreciative, of his doctor.

Would my friend have trusted just anyone to perform this incredibly complicated procedure? Would you? I wouldn’t. I would want the foremost expert in the world performing the procedure. Why? BECAUSE HE’S AN EXPERT! He went to school for this. He studied, and learned, and practiced, and perfected his skill on his way to becoming the surgeon he is. Has Vance? Has Donald Trump? Has Walz or Harris? Of course not. They’re not experts. No one would theoretically come to them for that kind of help. And that’s ok. In fact, that’s good. That’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s why we have experts.

We (the collective we) are so scared of not having the answers. We are so scared of the intelligence of others? Intelligence that we, ourselves, don’t have. Why is that?

Jayme asked me recently about an email she received from a student re: a missed exam. The student wrote her claiming that their computer was malfunctioning, and the clock on the computer was reading like it was 2001. Their assertion was that because of this malfunction, they didn’t know the deadline for signing up for the exam had been missed. That their online system would not have known because it thought it was the year 2001.

Now, unfortunately for the student, that’s just wrong. And the student was reaching (mightily) to find a way for Jayme to give them another chance to take the exam. Jayme asked me if this made any sense. She assumed it was not correct, but wanted to check. Now, I am not an expert in all things IT, but I do know a little something about how online systems work. You might even say I’m an expert in this particular subject.

Jayme was willing to ask someone who knew more about this subject than she did. Why? Because she wanted the expertise of someone who knew these things inside and out. She wanted to verify. To make sure her intuition was correct. She didn’t not ask me because she knew she’d be right. She didn’t not ask me because her pride would be wounded. No, she just wanted to find the correct answer in order to properly review the student’s claim.

Again, that’s how it’s supposed to work.

This whole topic reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from any television show or movie. From the pilot episode of the “Newsroom”:

That opening scene will knock you back, as it did me. But play close attention starting around the 4:00 mark. Will McAvoy says the following:

We aspired to intelligence. We didn’t belittle it. It didn’t make us feel inferior.

Again I ask: why are we so scared of intelligence? Why are we so scared to trust other people’s intelligence? To trust experts? When did “common sense wisdom” become our guiding light to outshine all others?

I had a terrible realization listening to Scott Galloway on last week’s “Pivot” episode:

It [January 6th] just showed me that I have no political instincts. Because I thought “That’s it.” I thought he [Trump] was going to be in prison. And I thought for sure he’d be out of all public sight whatsoever. And it’s a toss-up right now, for president. I have terrible political instincts. That’s what it taught me.

I’m starting to think I’m right there with Scott. So many believe that Trump’s antics and behavior are “good” for the country. He’s shaking things up. He’s a truth-teller.

Have I lost my instincts? Am I out of step with what “real” America is? Am I what they consider an “elite”?

I don’t know. As I said, I’m not an expert.

On Monday, I took Brian to Georgia Tech for a College of Computing info session. A couple of thoughts:

• It was wild seeing the campus and how much it’s changed since I was there. It seems bigger than I remember. Yet, I still recognize the “mile markers” from my memory. The walkway to the CoC. The old student center. The place where my cousin and I crossed paths on the morning of 9/11.
• Being there and listening to the college’s advisor speak about the program made me feel good. Like I was part of something special. And I guess I was…am.
• As we walked down the main pathway toward the student center, I looked over at Brian and said “Don’t ever think I’m not incredibly proud of you.” He didn’t seem to know what to say to that. But it’s one of those parent things that you shouldn’t let go by without telling them.
• Listening to the advisor describe the curriculum these days, it makes me yearn for the days of just pure knowledge ingest.

It’s hard to tell these days what is real on Facebook and what is advertising and/or AI garbage. But I came across this story the other day from the Americana Music Society, and I find myself hoping (almost willing into existence) it’s true:

Freddie Mercury was so ill when the band recorded the song ‘The Show Must Go On’ in 1990 that Brian May had concerns as to whether he was physically capable of singing it.

Recalling Freddie’s performance, Brian said, “The melody called for some very demanding top notes, and I’d only been able to ‘demo’ them in falsetto. I said to Freddie:

‘I don’t want you strain yourself - this stuff isn’t going to be easy in full voice, even for you!’

Freddie told me : ‘Don’t worry - I’ll fucking nail it, darling!’

I said: ‘Fred, I don’t know if this is going to be possible to sing.’ And he went: ‘I’ll fucking do it, darling’, vodka down, and went in and killed it, completely lacerated that vocal.

Freddie propped himself up against the mixing desk and… delivered one of the most extraordinary performances of his life.

Brian: “In the final mix of ‘The Show Must Go On’ , when you get to ‘On with the show’, you are listening to a man who conquered everything to deliver his finest work."

Freddie Mercury was a remarkable singer and performer, and as the years go on, my appreciation for his talent just continues to grow.

Something I learned today…Publix still operates even when the power is out. Their generators run minimal lights (basically enough to see as you walk around), and the cash registers (because, you know, capitalism). But they put sheeting over all refrigerated or frozen foods, so those cannot be purchased. And the conveyor belts in the checkout lines do not work.

I never realized how compartmentalized power was in those stores.

16 years ago, we were still in the midst of George W. Bush’s second presidency. The war on terror was all-encompassing. It’s all that was talked about, mostly because the Bush administration made it a point to keep it issue #1 most of the time. And honestly, people were tired of being scared all the time.

(Little did we know, am I right?!)

Then Obama came onto the scene and offered a new message: Hope. That message was used a lot, and slotted nicely with the now-famous tagline “Yes, we can!” But I also remember an image, a poster, that embodied those principles, that feeling. Hope was in the air, and if we could just grab onto it, things would be ok. Of course, I’m talking about this poster:

Now, people will quibble with whether Obama was an effective President. But one thing they can’t argue is that he was not a good communicator. I’ve said here before that the power of a good speech can change hearts and minds. And that’s what he did.

I don’t know if Kamala Harris has that in her. I’ve only heard her speak a handful of times. But I’m going to get my chance in the upcoming 4 months. And honestly, my fingers and toes are crossed that she can deliver. On top of that, I saw this poster emerge on social media:

And I had that sliver of hope that it can be done again. That we can find some hope in this world where people continue to use hate and fear as a platform for removing rights and freedoms from their fellow man.

I’m trying not to get my hopes up too much. I’ve been known to do that, but I can’t help it. I want to feel that again. I want to feel that we are headed in a direction that is good. That is right. That we can look back on in 50 years and not say “what the hell were they doing?”

That’s my hope.

I know what day it is. But pardon me if I’m not exactly feeling “Yay America!” today (or any day recently).

In this country, we preach (and will blindly praise today, specifically) freedom. And yet, there is a growing amount of Americans who are moving toward a situation where the only freedom that exists is for blessed group of people, not all people. It’s not the point of this country. And it’s disheartening (to put it mildly).

We are also approaching a place where a large amount of Americans are willing to give another presidency to someone who is openly dictatorial, and not ashamed to say so. Who advocates for open hostility and political retribution toward his “enemies”. Who has openly said he will not accept the results of an election where he doesan’t win (oh, btw, he’s already done that!). And who is very proud of his affiliation with the leader of Russia. (Side Note: I thought the world was joined in on the idea of dis-liking this guy. Can’t we all agree on that?!?! And yet, here we are.)

So, again, pardon me for not being ecstatic about the current political climate of this country that I live in (and love, by the way). I am waiting for someone or something to wake people up to what’s at stake this November. It’s the difference between the America we have known vs. the Russia we now know.

These days, my body takes great joy in reminding me that I’m middle aged. And one way it does it (almost every morning) is waking me up about 10-15 minutes before my alarm. And yes, most of the time it’s alerting me that I need to pee.

But this morning, it was a gift. My alarm was set to 5:00am because of the drive backk to San Jose is about 3 hours, and international flights, and all that. But I woke up around 4:45 and walked to the bathroom. I happened to look out the open shower window, and saw this:

Breathtaking. As cliché as it sounds, it really was like a scene out of a movie. I went downstairs, grabbed several shots (as seen above), and marveled for a little bit. The bugs were buzzing around, the birds just starting to wake up and chirp.

I went back upstairs and hopped in the shower and enjoyed that view a little longer. No lights. No sound. Just me, the water, and the view. I had found that moment. That small moment of peace.

That’s what vacation is supposed to be.

There is something absolutely freeing about taking a shower in front of an open window overlooking the Pacific Ocean. The house we’re staying in has the main suite shower positioned so that the “back wall” is framed with a large open (screened for bugs) window. Hearing the animal sounds from outside, and not being enclosed in a nearly windowless room is quite nice.

Also helps that the house is on the side of a mountain. So no real chance of routinely seeing any neighbors as you’re washing yourself 😇

Spent much of the morning with a gentleman named Juan Carlos, who runs a nature preserve tour. We toured the preserve, seeing a lot of exotic (to us) animals, listening to family stories about how his farm turned was turned into a nature preserve with help of the Costa Rica government. It was a wonderful time, topped off with a homemade lunch of rice, beans, beef, plantains, and lemon water. Perfect ending to a wonderful morning.

Muchas gracias, Señor!

• When you ask for “breakfast sausage”, they will come back with hot dog wieners.

• In the hills of CR, you will have reptilian friends that come and visit you right outside the glass doors.

• When they say “you may need a 4x4 vehicle”, for the love of God, insist on a 4x4-capable vehicle. We had to deal with a big hill in NC several years ago. This is a frickin’ mountain.

• Not all beaches are made the same way.

• The humidity is NO JOKE. It seems to be the start of rainy season (which it was not when we first came here in 2020).

• Cicadas are called chicharras here.

• CR is two hours behind Atlanta, despite being almost due south. I don’t know how or why. (One thing is they don’t observe daylight savings time.)

Was recently listening to an episode of the podcast “Give It To Me Straight”, basically a Q&A about relationships. One particular question came in (and I’ll summarize because it’s a lengthy one):

This man and woman have been dating since middle school, and they’re now 24. And they’re thinking about marriage.

Sometimes I feel as though I’m dating a boy rather than a man. Growing up, my dad was a fix-it kind of guy, whether it be house-related, car, or yard work. But my boyfriend can barely build a damn bookshelf. I feel as if sometimes I’m the man in the relationship in those aspects…I was raised to be independent and do things myself, but I wish I could let my feminine side out with him…I get nervous about getting married to a man like this because I’m not sure he can provide for me in ways that i would like. Being togetherer forever is one thing, but in the back of my head, I just can’t shake this feeling that someone else is out there to give me that princess treatment. I was not spoiled as a child growing up, but it would nice to have to feel as if I need to do everything myself. Any advice or thoughts on another way to bring this up?

I have thoughts, and I’ll enumerate them in order of the severity of said thoughts:

• First, fuck you.
• Marriage is a partnership, and should be treated as such.
• You kind of do sound like you were spoiled.
• When did the ability to “build a bookcase” become the sign of masculinity?
• Because your boyfriend can’t build a bookcase, you’re not letting your feminine side out? That sounds like a deeper issue that might need to be addressed first.
• You don’t have to marry this man. If you need to be “princessed”, go find someone else.
• You might, just might, have some daddy issues.
• Lastly, fuck you.

In the times we all live in right now, I’m so glad I’m married (and have been for a while). This kind of shit would drive me up the wall.

First off, I’m talking about partners calling each other that. Not the term as it relates to infants. It’s not creepy, it’s endearing. I promise.

I’ll speak for myself here, but when my partner refers to me as “baby” in whatever context is being communicated, it makes me feel special. Like I have that privilege of being called such an intimate thing. In one’s lifetime, one will only be referred to by that term by a select number of people. That’s what makes it special.

And the more casual it is, the better it is. “Baby, let’s go to the movies” or “What’s wrong, baby?” It’s not needed in those two situations. But when your partner drops it in there, it makes you feel so close to that person. Like you’re their person. You’re special. And loved. And wanted. The togetherness is unspoken at that point. It’s just built in to the word.

It feels good. Really good.

I was listening to NPR’s “The NPR Politics Podcast” this morning, and the topic was about the experience of attending a Trump rally. The masochistic part of me found this curiousity too much to bear, so I listened. And honestly, I’m glad I did. Because they seemingly answered a quesiton that I’ve had for quite a while. Which is “how/why do people flock to this guy? He’s a cheat, an entertainment whore, and an all-around narcissist. I don’t get it”.

And their observation was that these rallies, and by extension, these groups, are not about the politics. They are about tribalism. About being part of a like-minded group of people that share in a mentality of belonging. Essentially, they are a sports team. Huzzah!

I literally said out loud in the car, to no one but me, “that’s it!”

Irrational devotion to a singular team? Check!

Wanting to be absorbed by the groupthink of your fellow “fans”? Check!

Not believing any bad thing said about your team? Check!

In fact, using the attacks as a backbone of belief that you are “right”? Double check!

It was genius. And framed that way, I understand it now. I certainly don’t agree with it. And I think it’s an utterly dangerous way to elect any official, much less the President of the United States. But I do (intellectually) understand it now. So, for that, thank you NPR.

Toward the end, though, it does does reach that troubling point. As you listen to the people interviewed (who happen to be from Rome, GA…sigh) and the way the rally starts with “honoring” the January 6th “hostages” (as they call them), it’s sickening. And it reeks of festish nationalism. And dare I say, it’s well within cult territory, and borders on what I’ve read Nazi rallies were like.

I fear where this country has gotten to with the cult of celebrity. And Trump is numero uno when it comes to this phenomenon. As they say in the podcast, it’s no longer about being a Republican, or a conservative. Those are ancillary at this point. It’s about him. And to me, that’s really, really scary.

The iPad grade chart graphic above is from Six Colors’ annual Apple Report Card. It’s unfortunate because I really love my iPad. It’s not my MacBook Pro and it’s not my phone. As cheesy as this sounds, it’s exactly what Jobs said back in 2010 when he commented that it sits right between those other two devices. It is my go-to device for catching up on news and blogging at the coffee shop.

An example of the feedback:

Michael E. Cohen wrote: “The hardware is good, but Apple is having trouble figuring out what the hardware is for, resulting in a weird blend of the traditional iPad single-tasking and multitasking, resulting in a confusing user experience.”

I can’t say I disagree with that. At the same time, I just really hope this turns around.

Two weekends ago, I scheduled an appointment for a demo of Apple Vision Pro. I had listened to several podcasts, and even the skeptics on those podcasts agreed that “you just have to try it.” So I did.

I have to tell you, it’s an amazing device. Almost too unbelievable to appropriately describe. Obviously, in a canned demo, Apple can turn up the “wow” factor to 11. Spoiler alert: they did.

I’m not going to bore you with the technical impressions, as there are plenty of other places that will walk though that. But what I will give you are my gut impressions based on the feedback I’ve heard.

The Size Honestly, it was a lot smaller than I had pictured in my head. If you’ve ever been skiing, it’s much like the goggles you ski in. While it’s certainly bigger than a pair of glasses, it’s not like Doc Brown’s mind-reading device in Back to the Future. Having said that, it’s still ski goggles in contexts where society is not used to seeing ski googles.

The Weight Lots of people have commented on how heavy the device is. How it hurt their head or neck due to that weight. Well, I don’t know what to tell you. My head is so big that it didn’t bother me in the least. A friend of mine said it correctly. My head-to-goggle ratio was much more even than most people. ☺️

The Eyes There was a lady across the table from me doing a demo at the same time. I caught a glimpse of the eyes while she was wearing it. And while it was weird, it was in no way creepy, as many others have said. Maybe that’s just me. It was only weird because it was new (to me).

The Virtual Impression I’ve only ever tried my son’s Meta Quest 3 headset this past Christmas. So, I didn’t honestly know what to expect. When putting it on, there’s about 5-10 minutes of setup that needs to be done to configure the device with your eyes. Once that’s done, though, you are thrown into the virtual world inside this thing. And it’s cool. Really cool. Apps, windows, photos, videos, everything it just floating there in front of you. Sizable up to almost the size of your wall. It’s crazy. And yet, it surprisingly “fits” in your mental model of computing. You move the windows, you grab the sides of the windows, and you swipe through things. Gestures and interactions we’ve been taught from years of iOS use. The biggest difference was the eye tracking. The idea of your eyes acting as the pointing device is a bit tricky, as your brain is not used to that. Once you get it, though, it’s pretty seamless. The only time I had issues was when I tried to focus on the window of a video instead of the video itself. Which kind of makes sense, because you wouldn’t want the widow or playback controls popping up every time you moved your eyes while watching video content. Overall, mind-bending.

The Spatial Thing The idea of spatial computing makes sense if you’ve ever seen a Hollywood sci-if movie. Moving things in virtual space and all that. But what I was not prepared for was the idea of spatial photos and videos. It’s like 3D on steroids (and without the glasses). Normal photos and videos look great enough in this thing, not to mention the idea of 180 degree panoramic photos wrapping around your field of vision. But spatial photos and videos take it that one step further. When you view them, it’s like an uncanny valley view of you being there with the people in the images, moving or not. The demo video was one of a family birthday party, the cake is sitting in front of you (almost as if you could touch it), and the people are gathered around it. And by around it, I mean just that. The depth that is present in the video tricks your brain into thinking they are literally behind this cake. It’s wild. And something you just have to experience for yourself. I don’t have an iPhone 15 Pro (I still have the 14 Pro), but next year (actually, later this year) when I get the 16 Pro, I’m very much looking forward to start capturing images and video like this. As I told some co-workers, start doing this, as future you will thank you.

The Immersion And here’s we come to the part of the demo that took my breath away. The “wow” factor turned up to even 15. Set aside the already-cool thing of being able to dial the headset to full virtual mode. In the demo, it’s an outdoor scene from Mt. Hood where you are “there”. Everything around you is like you’re standing there on Mt. Hood. Even the sound is turned down around you to allow you to “escape”. If that wasn’t me I’d-bending enough, the immersive video demo is like a sensory heroin hit. One minute, you’re in front of Alicia Keys as she sings “No One”, and the next you’re standing by rhino researchers as they nurse a baby rhino to health. The other baby rhinos are in the foreground, and they are so “close” that I actually reached my hand out. (I’m sure the Apple demo person has seen this many times before.) It literally made my brain question reality. A feat, to be sure. When it finished, I turned to the demo lady and said simply “wow”. She laughed and said “yeah, we get that a lot.”

Overall, I can’t see paying $3500 as an individual. I’ve got one kid in college, and another one in their junior year of high school looking at colleges. My finances can’t afford that hit right now. But I will say this, if I had the money, I’d bite on this. As my kids say, it gives off the vibes. Jason Snell of Six Colors described it as similar to a personal computer purchase in the late 1970’s. No one had a practical purpose for those systems back then. They were expensive, and even viewed as expensive toys. But somehow, they knew these machines were the future, and they wanted to be part of it. I share Jason’s view here. I liken it to the original iPhone. While not $3500, I had people mock me when I purchased the first iPhone at $600 with a contract. But I knew it was the future. It was that kind of product. And I think this is, too.

So, this was a question Brian was given in a recent AP Computer Science class. The answers he was asked to choose from were:

A. Reorders the array from smallest to largest value

B. Reorders the array from largest to smallest value

C. Finds duplicate values in an array

D. Accesses all consecutive pairs of elements

It is clear that A and B are decidedly not the answer. So, C and D are the only viable answers remaining. And I know I’m going to knit-pick here, but honestly, words matter. And they matter here, especially when you’re talking about questions that have multiple potentially-correct answers.

Brian chose D on this one, and it was counted as wrong. (C was the official answer.) Technically speaking, he’s right. This code snippet does access all consecutive pairs of elements. You can’t tell me it doesn’t. Having said that, it does (also) find duplicate values in the array. So, why is he wrong?

I believe this ultimately comes down to the question of choosing the best answer, not always the technically correct answer. C is the best answer (of the potential answers presented) to this question. To see why, we have to go back to the question:

“What does the following code snippet check for?”

Accessing anything (duplicate values or not) is not checking for anything. It’s just accessing. That alone renders D not the best answer. Hence, C, while it doesn’t describe what the snippet is actually doing, is the only answer left.

The code snippet actually validates the existence of at least one duplicate pair of values in the array. That is the technically correct answer. But that answer was not presented. And this is the lesson we had to reiterate to Brian. On these standardized tests (AP, SAT, ACT, whatever), always look for the best answer to a question.

Op-Ed: I really don’t like standardized tests. And this is one of the reasons. They are trick questions, so to speak. And to expect teenagers to read it, recognize it as such, and formulate that assessment in less than 60 seconds is ludacris to me. Computer Science is hard enough. Trick questions are NOT needed to make this difficult.

P.S. In real life, no one ever asks you this type of question.

What is the point at which we should forgo the niceties of not bringing up politics in polite conversation? Or even at work? What has to happen to trigger that?

It going to happen at some point. Recently, that point has come dangerously close with the the following two topics:

1. The Texas abortion case where the woman had (wait and) ask permission for an abortion due to the complications she (and the baby) were experiencing (for which she was denied, by the way).

2. Recent comments by Trump over undocumented immigrants “poisoning the blood of our country”.

Are we really just supposed to stay quiet on these issues? Just continue to say “not appropriate here”? Really? When exactly is it appropriate?

We have entered into a time where people seem to be ok (if not outright celebrating) with human beings not having control over their own bodies (did you guys not read and/or watch “The Handmaid’s Tale”?). We also seem to be perfectly fine cheering on a former and still-running-for President quoting “Mein Kampf”. Out loud. To people with cameras and recorders. No shame. Proud of it.

That’s just supposed to be ok? That’s supposed to be part of the civil discourse? Nazi discourse? This is where we’ve gotten to?

Mark Epstein (via tricycle.org):

When I was 9 years old, I was mercifully helped by a speech therapist my parents found for me who distracted me with board games while telling me stories of grownups who stuttered worse than I did. She once mentioned a man who couldn’t make a w sound and would therefore never introduce his wife as his wife. The w’s can be particularly difficult for some people, she explained. I knew this to be true and was comforted by the knowledge that I was not alone in my affliction. I felt sorry for this poor gentleman and hoped that a similar fate would not befall me.

Reading this article made my heart hurt for this guy. I’ve been there. I’ve done it. I’ve experienced the frustrastion. The humiliation. The discomfort with self that comes along with the aftermath. It’s terribly painful.

But you get back up and you go again. Just like he did. Kudos, Mark!

Sometimes, even work things can sneak up on you. Yesterday, I was asked what our system uptime was for the past 3 years. I was a little emberassed that I didn’t know it off-hand, but I asked my team to list the unplanned outages we’ve had, and they came back with a number.

99.9996% uptime

We are a logistics company who manage labor for flooring installations. We are not a tech company, nor a hosting company. And we have achieved that number.

I was blown away, and (once again) impressed with my team and our company. Something I’m going to share with anyone who will listen! ☺️

Family sues Panera Bread after college student who drank Charged Lemonade dies (nbcnews.com)

Ok, potentially an unpopularar opinion, but…

I don’t think a lawsuit against Panera is the long-term answer here. Yes, the family is grieving. Yes, they are reaching out for anyone to blame. I totally understand that. I would be, too. It’s tragic, and feels needless. And preventable.

Having said that, though, I don’t think suing Panera for carrying the drink does any real good. There should be a way in our legal system to sue “for change”, not just sue for damages. Things need to change in this case for the betterment of all, not simply charge Panera money for this particular situation.

Yes, Panera should put more stringent labels on this thing. But I also think patrons of Panera (or any other restaurant) should be viligent in knowing what they put in their body. I am NOT trying to blame this girl, far from it. But I do think if you have a condition like hers, I would be extremely cautious when trying anything that uses the word “charged” in it. If it’s not known, then don’t drink it. I know that seems callous, but I have to think that people with peanut allergies treat every food they come across with kid gloves. Because their body can’t handle everything out there. And they are aware, and act appropriately.

Just my two pennies.

Look, I know scheduling TSA agents for the security lines is not easy. It reminds me of trying to schedule nurses for potential surges of patients. Sometimes, you legit just don’t know and/or can’t predict it.

But come on…this type of discrepancy means you’re not even trying. And the worst part? As we got up to the actual agents, there were two agents (total) working on the general line. I look over to the TSA Pre-check line? You guessed it! Two agents working.

🤦🏻‍♂️

The college “system” is so heavily weighted to staying in the state that you live in. I’m sitting at a presentation for Pitt right now, and the difference between in-state and out-of-state is roughly double. For no real reason other than state school charters. All of these schools are exactly the same.

And unless you have money (probably family money), or fit in the class where the government classifiess you as having a “need” for financial aid, there’s no other realistic choice.

I understand this is a “check your privilege” kind of situation, I do. Don’t cry for me, Argentina, and all that.

But if you do happen to fit in that classification of making too much money for “need” qualification, but making too little money to just write a check, you’re kind of hamstrung.

This week, I’ve been visiting colleges with Brian. He is specifically interested in Computer Science as a discipline. Which I love, but it does put him in greater competition for spots in schools he wants to attend. High-class problem, I guess.

Anyway, every school we’ve visited (and all schools we visited with Caroline two years ago) talk up their study abroad program. Which I love. I think traveling is so valuable. Not only for college stduents, but anyone. Perspective on the world outside of your little nest is insanely valuable.

But…I’ve also thought about the fact that computers and modern networking make it possible to “do your job” anywhere you are. And that makes justification for traveling to learn “how they do it there” a little difficult. A computer lab in China is going to greatly resemble one at Georgia Tech.

It’s funny to think about.

From The Athletic Pulse newsletter this morning:

Maybe we should reframe that debate about tweaking the MLB playoff format. It’s easy to look at the Braves, Dodgers and Orioles — who won 100 games each and couldn’t survive a five-day postseason layoff — and say they deserved better. But what if this was the NFL? Do we freak out if a 12-5 team loses to a 9-8 team in the playoffs? Or a No. 1 seed losing in the NCAA Tournament? We love it when that happens. The fan base might stress, but that’s just normal business. This should be, too.

I’ve been reading this type of argument a lot over the past week. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. But I have a few thoughts, all of which are somewhat inter-related:

• Because the game of baseball is different. It just is. 162 games is very different than 17, or 30-something.

• Not one of those other sports changes their playoff format from round to round. Everyone walks into those playoffs knowing it’s a 1-game situation. You gear up for that. Everything is on the line for that one game.

• Based on the previous argument, make ALL rounds of the MLB playoffs the best of 3. After all, the argument is the best team shiould just win, right? Why change the number of games in later rounds?

• At this point, I would argue that winning the division is meaningless at this point. In fact, you might say that not winning the division, and competing for the bye is the best way to go.

• If you’re going to bring in those other sports, I would argue that baseball does not need a season of 162 games. Introduce off days throughout the season, and lower it to NBA-like 84 games. Playing 162 games is meaningless if it doesn’t gain you an advantage in the playoffs.

• Lastly, I’m not arguing that the “best teams” shouldn’t just win. They should. I’m arguing you treat all of the teams the same. I’m arguing that no byes exist. Period.

We’re re-watching The West Wing for the umpteenth time, and we’re at the episode where they’re trying to figure out how to break the news (to the public) that the President has Multiple Sclerosis.

The poll numbers Joey Lucas tells the President and senior staff are staggering. Not because of the numbers themselves or even the context in which they’re being delivered. No, it centers around the idea of lying. The entire problem the television show faces is how to deal with the voters because he lied.

About having a disease. Not about breaking an actual law. Not about sexual harassment. Not about inappropriate behavior or statements. Certainly not to attempt to overthrow a free and fair election in the United States.

Does everyone realize how low our standards have become? Lying is almost standard now. It’s accepted. People shrug their shoulders. It’s the classic “Everybody does it, so it’s ok” argument. The entire conversation in the fictional TV show from 1999 is utterly moot in the year 2023. Hell, an entire political party runs on something literally called The Big Lie.

How far we’ve fallen.

The Nones (apnews.com)

The decades-long rise of the nones — a diverse, hard-to-summarize group — is one of the most talked about phenomena in U.S. religion. They are reshaping America’s religious landscape as we know it.

In U.S. religion today, “the most important story without a shadow of a doubt is the unbelievable rise in the share of Americans who are nonreligious,” said Ryan Burge, a political science professor at Eastern Illinois University and author of “The Nones,” a book on the phenomenon.

I can’t say that I absolutely identify with who they’re describing, as we differ in our belief system. But maybe that’s the point. I stand with them, even if I’m not the same as them. And that’s a beautiful thing.

(h/t: kottke.org)

In a meeting this afternoon, I was struck by the types of “no” that exist in the businesss world. After all, being told “no” is not necessarily the end of the argument. Think about these types of “no” you may hear:

• The technical no: It’s actually not possible due to a technical limitation somewhere in the process stack.

• The feasibility no: While technically possible, it doesn’t make sense from a business process perspective. I mean, it would work correctly, but it won’t solve the business problem.

• The political no: Yes, it’s possible. And even has potential upside for the business or the business process. Yet, the “owner” of said decision doesn’t want to implement said solution. Because it wouldn’t be politically prudent.

This sign has been up at our local Y for quite a while now. And I’ve come to terms with the fact that they ask you to do it, even though I have no idea why.

I walked in the governing area this afternoon and noticed the people were walking the opposite way from the sign’s instructions.

So, what do I do?

Join the crowd and walk the wrong way? Or buck the trend and obey the instructions?

Well, I bucked the trend. And walked (really warmed up) the correct way. And after my first three warmup laps, I looked around and everyone had switched direction.

Winning!

Also, you have to wonder what these people saw, and then thought about. Like, were they thinking “what’s this guy doing walking the wrong way”? Like a quiet psychopath?

I like to think so.

It occurs to me that the “Terms of Service” (or “Terms and Conditions”) prompts and agreements used by softwaree and services are utterly misused in almost every situation. And the issue is not their existence, per se. It’s the timing of presentation. When an end user is presented with the prompt, they are not prepared, mentally or temporally, to fully understand what they’re agreeing to, much less what the repercussions are of that agreement. They are excited to try the service or use the software (they probably paid for) and are in no mental state to contemplate what it really means longer term.

I don’t necessarily have a solution to this problem, but I know it is a problem. And anyone who watches their parents or kids or whomever install software or sign up for a service knows it’s a problem. And one that (mostly) larger companies too often hide behind.

Case in point: ”A new low, even for #Google. Giving Google permission to share information about you with third-party websites is being falsely advertised as an “ad privacy feature”. This is privacy washing at its most extreme. But it gets even worse…”

The new iPhones were announced this past Tuesday, with much fanfare going to the switch of charging ports from Lightning (Apple’s proprietary connector) to USB-C (an industry standard). Great news, and I’m glad to see it.

But I got frustrated with the far-too-many hot takes relating to “finally, one cable to travel with!” Umm…no.

What they never talk about is how many cords are needed to charge the 2, sometimes 3 or 4, separate devices that you travel with. I travel with my MacBook Pro, my iPad Pro, my Phone, and my Apple Watch. So, that’s 4 separate devices that need to be charged. Two of which need charging every night. So, let’s be generous and say I only charge those two at the same time. That’s at least 2 cables I need, as well as two wall warts to carry. (I would highly recommend a single wall wart with multiple ports in it. They are hugely helpful!)

So, let’s everybody calm the hell down a little bit. Whether it’s Lightning or USB-C, I still need more than one cable.

Auto workers are demanding a 40% raise to match the 40% pay increase CEOs of the Detroit automakers got over the past 4 years.

CEOs are calling this absurd, but they couldn’t be more wrong.

THIS IS A COMPROMISE. Why? Because worker’s real wages have fallen 30% over the past 20 years. They’re foregoing 16 years of wage theft for 4 of equity, and consistent equity going forward. That’s basic justice.

Pay workers. Unionize workers. Tax billionaires. Save our economy.

(via Mastodon)

This will be an interesting story to follow. My heart is with the workers here, despite my own position in the company.

‘Just stop buying lattes’: The origins of a millennial housing myth (thehustle.co)

Consider the 21st century’s most ubiquitous piece of financial advice: “Can’t afford a house? Just stop buying lattes.”

Every millennial has heard some kind of variation of this myth. It’s peppered all over Twitter, dispensed on personal finance blogs, and uttered from the mouths of pundits on national television. Sometimes, “latte” is exchanged for a different millennial trope, like avocado toast.

These kinds of stories make me physically sick. It’s a reminder that (truly) wealthy people lose their touch with the vast majority of the people in the world. The fact that they think most of these people drink, much less have the opportunity to purchase, lattes everyday shows how little they actually know.

And their premise of investing that money (and not ever touching it) also show that they are out of touch with how most people’s lives go. Ever get really sick? Have a car accident? Have a parent or child get sick? Need to help a family member or friend who’s struggling? Want to donate to charity? People have unexpected financial needs throughout a 25-year span. You, Mr. Rich Person, may now have that, or have other funds to cover the same situations. But the vast, vast majority of us don’t.

And, oh by the way, most of us don’t have parents or grandparents to seed us and/or fall back on in case things get bad.

Just a little pro tip, asshole.

When I travel for work, there’s a lot of me time. And that normally translates into catching up on my backlog of podcasts. The most recent trip was no exception, and I came across an episode of a podcast that I don’t listen to normally. I’m fairly sure it was an offshoot of another episode I found while perusing Mastodon.

Anyway, it’s a podcast called “Straight Candid”. Self-defined as “an entertainment podcast hosted by two Minneapolis women who have been known to say it how it is and never sugarcoat the truth.⁣”, the particular episode I was listening to was called “OnlyStans, a Successful Open Relationship & The Porn Industry Truths w/ Candice”. It featured a guest named “Candice” (I’m assuming that’s a moniker, but I don’t know), who in her profession is known as “Eva Lovia”. Candice is a former porn star, and now an OnlyFans star. The episode focused on how she and her husband navigate her job (both past and present) and the potential issues it can introduce into their relationship and their family.

It was so refreshingly honest that I wrote it down to talk about (and now I am). Some nuggets of wisdom I took away from the discussion:

• “Relationships an are living, breathing thing…daily.”
• Given what she does, there was a very large discussion on the topic of monogamy, and more importantly, non-monogamy (starts around 1:06:00 of the episode).
• “Our house has to be in order. Our sex and our intimacy has to be at a 10 before we even consider other people. Because you don’t want to neglect your soulmate.”
• “I don’t value sex so much that I would ruin my family over it.”
• Syd and Soph did ask about reasons you would open your marriage and what can come of that decision. One question that jumped out at me (from Candice) that was harsh and probably all too real for lots and lots of people: “…Are you guys both (simply) playing house?” Oof.
• The rules they came up with were interesting: — Degrees of separation (they can’t know the other person) — Not emotionally intimate — Purely physical

Like I said, refreshingly honest. And even at that, I’m sure these words of wisdom are takeaways that they learned the hard way. Good for them for making it through.

One of the topics that comes up in my line of work (line of business software) are the trade-offs between implementing off-the-shelf software solutions vs. developing customized solutions. I’ve been involved in a customized software platform for 17+ years now, and I sometimes lose sight on why anyone would want to dive in to an off-the-shelf solution, assuming you have the resources to support the development of a customized one. And let’s be honest, that’s a big assumption. Hence, why the off-the-shelf market exists.

I was discussing this with my DevOps team this Wednesday and it occurred to me why customized software can be so beneficial. And it all comes down to serving the users. Serving them where they are vs. forcing them to adapt to a system because the system doesn’t support the use case they need.

I’ll try to lay out an example:

We use a third-party phone system (the name of which is not important). It has a LOT of things going for it. The biggest one is that it’s fully implemented in software. It’s not based on a PBX backend. Hence, it’s configurable to the nth degree. At least it is to them. We, the customer, can only configure what they allow us. Not surprising, or even an issue, until it comes to serving a specific use case.

You see, our business services the 3 west coast states in the U.S. Not surprisingly, they are also 3 of the most litigious states in the country. They have very specific laws when it comes to interacting with customers on the phone. One of the laws that they (kind of) share states that both parties on a phone call have to consent to that phone call being recorded. Seems simple enough, right? Either the system or a human being simply states what we’ve all heard on the phone multiple thousands of times: “This call will be recorded for quality and training purposes.”

Except in this situation, the playing of that announcement has to be included in the recording of the phone call itself. By default, our system doesn’t support this. What the use case calls for is when the call begins, the automated announcement plays, and then is transferred to a call center agent. Technically speaking, our system doesn’t start the call recording until an agent is connected to the call. Meaning that the automated announcement is NOT included in that call recording. My team has gotten around this, and configured the system to support it, but it’s been…let’s go with…rigged.

But why?

The answer is simple. We are one of X customers that our phone service has to support. And if our concerns don’t come with supporting requests from other customers, their view (not unjustly) is “tough”. Rig it and move on.

This is where customized software comes in and shines. If I were designing this system, or implementing a change for a request like this, it would consist of three simple controls:

• A checkbox specifying a recorded announcement to play when the call first connects
• A file upload control to obtain said automated announcement file
• A second checkbox asking if the user would like to include the automated announcement in the call recording.

How that happens behind the scenes is not the end customer’s concern. Nor should it be. It’s the system’s responsibility to make that simple for the customer. Not the other way around.

I’ve done things like the above hundreds of times for our business. And I take great pride in what I do, and what I (and many others) have developed. We strive to make our customers’ job as simple and straightforward as it can be. Our unofficial mantra is “if the system can do it, let it do it”. And leave the users to do what (human) users are uniquely qualified to do.

Many times, our peers have marveled at our system capabilities. Some have even remarked that they would love to have/use a system like ours. (Shhh: we’re actually in talks with several firms who would like to do just that.) I like being part of something like that. Something that helps people. Makes their day (and life) just a little easier.

Can’t say that feeling would exist if my job was to support yet another Salesforce implementation. (zing)

I finally watched “The Breakfast Club”. First impression: it must hit differently when you’re a teenager. Because at 43, I don’t think it’s going to stick with me the same way as it might have back in the late 80’s / early 90’s.

Several things I did notice:

• Teenagers and their problems don’t seem to change. In any period in history.
• The 80’s were a different time. Language that was used. Blatant homophobia. Dancing that kind of looks like they’re having a seizure.
• Acting has also gotten more subtle and nuanced. The were several times where I laughed out loud at the overacting.
• Ally Sheedy is just so…cute. Her smile just makes you want to smile. Also, for most of the film, she kind of looked like Selena Gomez.

Americans Are Losing Faith in the Value of College. Whose Fault Is That? (nytimes.com)

In Canada and Japan, public-university tuition is now about $5,000 a year. In Italy, Spain and Israel, it’s about $2,000. In France, Denmark and Germany, it’s essentially zero. A few decades ago, the same thing was true in the United States; government funding covered much of the cost of public college. Now students and their families bear much of the burden, and that fact has changed what used to be a pretty straightforward calculation about the economic value of college into a complex math problem.

This is certainly part of the problem. Costs have skyrocketed, and I honestly don’t know how some families approach this, other than to say “You’re going to have loans. Get used to it.” For my family, I didn’t want this path. And we’ve made decisions to avoid this path for my kids. I want them to graduate with no student debt. Period.

Even that, though, is a type of privilege. Because I can make that happen. Lots and lots of people can’t.

But I also think there’s a deeper cultural issue. I think the war on being considered smart is a real one. It’s always been there, but historically, it’s been under the surface. The rise of the Tea Party, and then Donald Trump, has brought it to the forefront. These days, being smart is looked at, and classified as, being woke. And boy is that the lightning rod de jour.

I actually hadn’t read the entire article when I wrote the paragraph above, and now that I have, I feel validated:

When pollsters ask Republicans to expand on why they’ve turned against college, the answer generally has to do with ideology. In a Pew survey published in 2019, 79 percent of Republicans said a major problem in higher education was professors’ bringing their political and social views into the classroom. Only 17 percent of Democrats agreed. In a 2017 Gallup poll, the No. 1 reason Republicans gave for their declining faith in higher ed was that colleges had become “too liberal/political.”

Wonder what happened around 2016-2017 to exacerbate this?

Among college faculty, the ratio is even more pronounced, and it has been growing more unbalanced over time, shifting from a 2-to-1 left-right ratio in the mid-1990s to a roughly 5-to-1 ratio in the early 2010s.

It’s almost as if being educated leads to perspectives changing, views changing. And maybe, just maybe, leads to having to think about issues, rather than blindly follow an ideology (or authoritarian). It’s not a surprise that the ”right” is seemingly at war with education (looking to you, Florida).

This leftward shift on American campuses corresponded with a realignment in the American electorate. In 2012, a majority of voters with a bachelor’s degree (and no further credential) chose Mitt Romney for president over Barack Obama; in fact, B.A. holders were the only educational cohort Romney won. Obama made up for his losses among college grads by winning a majority of voters with only a high school diploma. Four years later, the education skew flipped: Donald Trump beat Hillary Clinton among noncollege graduates, but he won only 36 percent of voters with college or graduate degrees.

I don’t think I’m wrong here.

I watched this last night. A very good movie, full of “wtaf?” moments.

Several thoughts:

• Much like Spotlight, it’s another movie about people doing their jobs, and doing them well.
• Men don’t have to deal with this type of shit at work. They just don’t. The men that are highlighted in this story are revolting. And I can’t imagine having to put up with that as you try to progress in your career.
• There is a specific scene when Jodi meets Irwin Reiter in a restaurant late at night. Real Nighthawks vibes. Again, some of these frames could have been paintings in themselves. Beautiful staging. Beautifully shot.

New documentary highlights White Sox rebrand’s place in hip-hop history (MLB.com)

Coinciding with the 50th anniversary of hip-hop – it was 50 years ago that the cultural movement was born in The Bronx – the Chicago White Sox have produced Fitted in Black, a short documentary highlighting the team’s rebrand in the ’90s and its intersection with hip-hop, pop culture and fashion.

This documentary brings up so many feels. Please go watch this. You won’t be sorry.

I’m a child of the 90’s. I remember all of these things as they rose to fame. Hip-hop itself. The White Sox rebrand. The rise of “The Big Hurt”. (Coincidentally, Frank Thomas is from my hometown. We were hyper-aware of his success and his rise to superstardom in the 90’s.)

Also, side note: Frank Thomas was, as still remains, a frickin’ beast.

I don’t remember who said it back in the early 2000’s, but they brought this up again in the documentary. The White Sox, now synonymous with the “Southside”, was a reflection of culture. It was the opposing answer to the northside Chicago Cubs. Wrigley Field was historic, and steeped in tradition and all that. And let’s face it, a predominantly white affair. Whereas the Sox were the up-and-coming. The “rebels”, as they call it. It’s not a coincidence that the hip-hop world embraced not only the brand, but the team as well.

And a kid in Columbus, GA, quite possibly the opposite of southside Chicago, was aware of this through the magic of WGN. Much like our own superstation in TBS (who regularly brought everyone the Atlanta Braves), WGN brought the country the Sox (and the Cubs) almost every night. I continue to believe this was an unsung hero in bringing that culture, that brand, to the masses.

I’ve mentioned here before about my disdain for the recent trend of tipping for services that shouldn’t include them. Well, yesterday, I was enraged when I came across one that not only asked for a tip, but had the person (in this case, a late-teen female) stare at me while I made my “choice”. I’m assuming she was looking at me with daggers when I told the blinking machine in front of me that it can take its tip and shove it up its ass.

I had driven with Brian up to Acworth for his soccer practice. And as he was out sweating to death in the August heat, I decided to head over to a yogurt place called Menchi’s. You know, because I’m a grown-ass man. If you don’t know this establishment, it is a self-serve yogurt shop. I say self-serve because it truly is a self-serve situation. As the consumer, you walk in, grab a cup, and go to the machines that dispense the flavor of yogurt you’d like. After that, there are all sorts of topping options to the side. Chocolate chips, gummy worms, that kind fo thing. And once you’ve built your diabetic coma inducer, you place your cup on a scale, and the amount you owe is based on the weight.

This is where the girl behind the “counter” comes into play. When the scale produces its measurement, she pressed a button to force the register to move to the payment stage. It is at this point that I use my credit card on the tap/swipe/insert credit card machine in front of me. But before I do, she says, “It’s going to ask you a question.” And what was that question: “How much would you like to tip?”

NOTHING, DAMN IT!

I was enraged, but kept my calm. Even though I know she was looking at me like I was an entitled dickhead, I stayed strong, and simply pressed the button next to the “No Tip” option. And walked out the door with my yogurt treat.

Now before you jump all over me, keep in mind that she pressed a single button on the register. She didn’t give me the cup. She didn’t help me with dispensing the yogurt itself. She didn’t put the chocolate chips on top. She did NOTHING.

And I’m supposed to tip her? (I realize this specific girl had nothing to do with this. She literally just works there.) Come on. This is absurd.

I enjoyed my yogurt, but won’t be returning. Because it’s not good for me. And neither is the yogurt treat.

Recently, I’ve come back to Facebook. I know, that’s weird to read (much less write). I don’t like it, necessarily, for all of the icky reasons that one should not like any social media conglomerate. But it does hold a good deal of my past within its systems, and after a 6-year hiatus, it’s been fascinating to catch back up (at least passively) with people I haven’t seen with my own eyes in 20+ years.

The most startling thing, as I told my sister recently, was that we are now our parents. I know it’s like a “duh!” moment, especially after I just dropped my own baby girl off at college! But it hits you in the face when you scroll down the feed and see 1) how these people look these days compared to when you roamed the high school halls, and 2) how they’re doing the same kinds of things. Lots of posts of their kids, their jobs, and their travels.

(Side Note: I have removed almost all work-related friends from my feed. I’ve decided to keep Facebook, at least in my personal usage, limited to the people from my past, and only a select few from my present.)

The seminal moment where I realized how old we were and that we are our parents was a photograph of someone I knew while in middle and high school. We didn’t know each other well. Kind of like a know-them-to-speak-to-them kind of thing. But I saw a photograph of her, and I had to do a double-take. I could still see the youthful girl that I knew under the surface, but my first thought surprised me: She’s an older, Southern mom.

I don’t know how to describe this to people are aren’t from “the South”, but if you know, you know. When we were kids, anyone over 35 was considered old. According to my kids, this hasn’t changed. But back then, there was a certain late 70’s / early 80’s look to older women who were moms. A distinctive haircut. Specific outfits. Makeup selection. The whole 9.

And when I saw this photograph, that is what clicked. It reminded me that I am not young anymore. Even when my mind’s eye tells me that I’m under 30. Granted, my back and legs relish in reminding me of my age, but that’s another story.

It was just that stark reminder that you’re not really prepared for. It made me laugh in my own personal sphere, but it also made me realize that my own parents aren’t my (actual) age anymore. They’re getting older. And I should commit to making these days, weeks, months, and years count with them.

Unbelievably beautiful. I can’t believe I haven’t brought this into my listening habits until now. I continue to think Zimmer’s piece “Chevaliers de Sangrael” from the soundtrack to The Da Vinci Code is a masterpiece, and one that I’ve listened to SO many times. Same for “Brothers” from Pearl Harbor.

I don’t understand the people that look down on Zimmer. It seems like it’s just a hater situation. If you look at his body of work, it’s objectively great.

Whew, what a whirlwind weekend in Athens! First order of business was moving in and setting up my baby girl in her UGA dorm room. And then 3 more soccer tournament games for my son after that. In the heat and humidity. It was intense.

Couple of things that stood out to me:

• So very proud of my boy and the way he has joined his new team and contributed right away. He’s gracious. He’s a team player. And he’s a damn good goalkeeper!

• I’m equally proud of my girl. First time off to college. First time on her own. And she seems ready! I can’t express how proud Jayme and I are of her. And looking forward to her killing at UGA, just like she has her whole life.

Busy weekend, yes, but great weekend! ( And now, on to enjoying some air conditioning 😊 )

An intriguing podcast episode hit my feed last week, and I was not expecting it. I was certainly not expecting to listen to it while I sat in the airport. Slate’s Hear Me Out podcast had an episode entitled “Less Porn, More Sex Tapes”.

In this episode, CEO of MakeLoveNotPorn Cindy Gallop, argues that porn is not specifically bad, but should be considered fantasy, and is notably performative and produced. Whereas sex tapes are more reality-based, with fantasy aspects stripped away, leaving just the beauty of human sex. My favorite way of explaining this was her assertion that sometimes you’re in the mood for movies (fictional) and sometimes you’re in the mood for documentaries (reality).

She further argues that real-world displays of “social” sex is good for sexual relations in society. I would agree with her. Watching porn is not watching reality. Because we (being human) will compare our own lives and experiences to what we see on-screen. So why not make that on-screen entertainment more set in the real world, with real people, in real situations? After all, when we have sex with our partners, it’s grounded in the real world. She’s not the damsel in distress and I’m not the pizza delivery guy.

Two of my favorite quotes from the episode:

Women enjoy sex just as much as men. And men are just as romantic as women.

We are one of the solutions to toxic masculinity.

I’d encourage you to listen to the episode with an open mind. It’s not how we’ve all been taught to think (about sex and the role of watching recorded sex). In fact, most of us were never taught at all. Which is a failing, to be sure. Maybe listen and think about how displays (via these real-world sex tapes) can steer us to the right way.

I took the family to see Christopher Nolan’s new movie “Oppenheimer” on Sunday. Caroline had seen it the weekend before, and raved about it. She was more than willing to see it again, and I wanted to see it specifically in IMAX.

I’m not going to go into an in-depth review, because there will be plenty of those out there. What I will say is that it is exactly what a movie should be. Wonderful script. Superb acting. Beautiful cinematography. And a sound design that will win the Oscar. Just gorgeous, and…what’s the word…affecting.

Having experienced several of his movies now, it’s easy to spot the Nolan-isms, if you will. (It’s very analogous to spotting the [Aaron] Sorkin-isms in his television and movie writing.):

• Playing with time itself and multiple timelines
• Beautiful music overplaying abstract visuals to build (and even represent) tension
• Superb company of actors – Cillian Murphy (himself) has been in 6 Nolan films – Matt Damon – Emily Blunt – Robert Downey Jr. – Florence Pugh – Kenneth Branagh – (Just to name a few)
• The story’s protagonist is a martyr – This time he puts a “hat on a hat” with Kitty calling out Robert (Oppenheimer) for allowing them to make him a martyr.

Overall, a fantastic movie. One I’m interested to see how its translation into homes (via inferior sound setups from the IMAX movie experience) goes. Because in the theater, it was intense.

The best way to spot an idiot? Look for the person who is cruel. When we see someone who doesn’t look like us, or sound like us, or act like us, or love like us, or live like us — the first thought that crosses almost everyone’s brain is rooted in either fear or judgment or both. That’s evolution. We survived as a species by being suspicious of things we aren’t familiar with.

In order to be kind, we have to shut down that animal instinct and force our brain to travel a different pathway. Empathy and compassion are evolved states of being. They require the mental capacity to step past our most primal urges. I’m here to tell you that when someone’s path through this world is marked with acts of cruelty, they have failed the first test of an advanced society. They never forced their animal brain to evolve past its first instinct. They never forged new mental pathways to overcome their own instinctual fears. And so, their thinking and problem-solving will lack the imagination and creativity that the kindest people have in spades.

Over my many years in politics and business, I have found one thing to be universally true: the kindest person in the room is often the smartest.

I love, love, love this. John Gruber linked to this yesterday, and I had to go and watch the whole thing. And it did not disappoint. I spent most the speech nodding my head and saying “this is me”.

But the message is so powerful. Empathy is something that is sorely missing these days. At least in the public. At least when people’s thoughts are brought into the public eye. We (the collective “we”) seem to be increasingly willing to revel in being cruel and ignoarant at the same time. Hell, a guy was elected president because of it. And people praised him for it. Which I will never understand.

For the people in my life, I always ask them to approach situations with empathy and humility up front. At the very least, you will show yourselves to be open to whatever their issue or concern is. It’s a good rule of thumb. A good life tip. And a way to avoid being an idiot.

As a heatwave sweeps across the American west (I’ve been specifically reading stories about Arizona recently), I can’t help but think of my recent trip to Maine. We entered plenty of restaurants who did NOT have air conditioning. We even had to use a specific filter when searching for a house on Airbnb to ensure we had AC for our stay. And to us Southerners, this is just an abomination. Because of course you should have air conditioning. It’s summer, people! Why would you not have it?

But then I was listening to the latest episode of Cortex earlier this week, and they started talking about the lack of air conditioning in England. Same problem I experienced in Maine. Same problem I’ve experienced across most of the northern states in the U.S. (Washington, the state, I’m looking at you!)

And this brings me to the question that I ask all the time? Why in god’s name do these places not have air conditioning? And I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s just hubris at this point. “We don’t need air conditioning, so we’re just not going to have it…” is what I hear these people saying. As if they have seen absolutely no news about the potential risks of heatwaves. Even as they are experiencing it. It just makes no sense.

One of my favorite quotes from the Cortex episode came from Grey:

I just wonder, like, 50 years from now, people are still going to be talking how England doesn’t have infrastructure to handle the heat. And I’m just like ‘Build it! Build it this way, guys.’

Preach.

Myke did offer an explanation that would make sense for not retro-fitting existing buildings:

Our homes and buildings are built to retain heat. Our humidity is very high. Nowhere has air conditioning.

Existing infrastructure may not be feasible, but to Grey’s point, new buildings have no excuse. (Full disclosure, Myke did just purchase a portable air conditioner for their home, as it’s routinely around high 30’s C, which is roughly around 100 F these days.)

I should also mention that when Jayme and I lived in Paris way back in 2003 (where did those 20 years go?!), we experienced the hottest summer Paris has ever seen. It was ridiculously hot. And humid. And miserable.

People even died from this particular heatwave, because the infrastructure was not set up for heat at that extreme. From a 2022 article in Le Monde:

The summer of 2003 remains the hottest ever recorded with a temperature anomaly of +2.7°C. The heat wave that summer led to the death of 15,000 people.

And yet, Jayme and I insisted on a rolling AC in the apartment we rented. Why? Because where we grew up (and lived then) practically required the presence of an AC.

I hope Sean Heber doesn’t mind, but I loved his Mastodon thread so much that I wanted to lay it out in one single place to make it easier to read.

There are so many times when things go wrong in coding, but when they go right, you just want to raise it up above your head and say “Behold the pinnacle of code!!”

I remember a very specific time. I was in the middle of a code review with one of my developers, and we were stumped on how to achieve a certain piece of functionality. Not a user interaction, but a low-level, backend piece. You know the un-sexy part of systems. And something hit me. Something that my college professors would be so proud of. The solution in this case was to actually use recursion (literally, the only time I’ve used that technique in real-world running code). And I wanted to shout it from the rooftops.

And yet…no. Number one, no one would care. Number two, it’s literally proprietary code. So, it sits in our codebase. Shining like a diamond in a closed box next to the Ark of the Convenant in some warehouse.

Anyway…please enjoy Sean’s thoughts:

A thing I think about a lot is how it’s very difficult to show off and humblebrag about source code without also straight up giving the source code away.

I know this problem exists for plenty of other creative fields, but perhaps not all of them?

I live near a place that often holds events and the types that makes me think of this a lot are the classic car enthusiast events.

These people drive their old cars up, park them, pop the hoods, and just chill all weekend basically bragging and showing off the work they did and the mods they’ve added or whatever.

There just isn’t anything like this for software. You can’t pop the hood on your favorite bits of source code without straight up giving it away.

Code isn’t easy to appreciate in isolation. It exists within some context. The part I often end up wanting to brag about is how it all fits together.

That elegant little function that really ties the room together can’t be appreciated without seeing the room.

Anyway. It’s just a thing I think about a lot as I work on countless hobby projects that I never release and no one ever sees but, IMO, have really cool bits and bobs in places that I wish could be appreciated somehow for ego reasons.

Something often lost in the programming world is that it is possible to enjoy the process of coding more than the result.

Showing off the results are often not notable, IMO. Probably 90% of the hobby projects I do are things that have been done a million times before, but the difference is that I did them. The process was the purpose.

I don’t know how to show that off or share it, really, without also giving an artifact (source code, app, etc) away.

It was never about the artifact for me.

This is something I’ve long struggled to convey because there is so damn much focus on “results” and “product” and “utility” in the software world.

I didn’t get into computers for any of those reasons. I got into them because I really enjoyed how all the parts fit together.

I didn’t realize that wasn’t so common a motivation until I got to college and all my classmates were just there because computer jobs had good salaries. 😕

Am I missing something? I always look at Sunday mornings as grocery shopping day. And I’m always flummoxed when there are only 2 non-express lanes open, and one express lane open. Are there lots of express shoppers on Sunday morning? Wouldn’t it make much more sense to have 3 non-express lanes open to deal with the large amounts of less-than-10-item shoppers roaming the store from 10am - 12pm? Honestly, who came up with this? I could understand if the store has recently opened and they have no notion of traffic patterns in this specific store. But mine has been open for 4+ years. They should know this by now. You have the data. Use it!

Having said all of that, the lady working the express lane this morning did take pity on me while she’s standing there waiting for the non-existent express customer and told me to come over to that lane. To this particular lady, thank you so much!

I had this dream a week or two ago. It was similar to what’s below, but I filled out the details a bit. That’s the thing with dreams…they can be very real, but make absolutely no sense when your try to describe them either to someone else or simply in words.

Oh well, hope you enjoy…

Late Night Drink

It’s been a long day. Having spent most of it in an office teaching and training, I was exhausted. Dinner was a quick salad during the evening session. not exactly filling, but would do for sustenance. Right now, I just wanted a quick drink to settle down before bed.

I walked into the hotel bar. Looking around, I wondered if I had misjudged the time. I raised my arm and looked down at my watch. 10:23pm. It’s late, to be sure. But not that late. Maybe everyone else had a long day and turned in early.

When I made it to the bar, there was only one other soul in sight. A woman sat 2 seats to my left. I glanced at her and the first thought that came to mind was…classy. She wore a finely pressed cream-colored skirt suit, complete with matching jacket. I hadn’t realized it, but it was rather chilly in the bar. A real contradiction to the ridiculous heat that was radiating just outside the friendly confines of the hotel.

She was beautiful. A little past shoulder-length brown hair. Early 50’s, maybe?

Her eyes were fixed to the television behind the bar. It was tuned to one of the cable news channels. Someone talking about something having to do with Congress. These stories are so plentiful these days, I’ve tended to tune them out. But I did recognize the picture they had on the screen.

“Did they find anything on him?”, I asked.

Without talking her eyes from the television, she said, “What now?”

“The representative from Tennessee.”

She turned and looked over at me. “No, they just keep repeating the same facts they have for the past 4 hours.”

Her eyes were bright and sparking. Green seemed to be the color they chose today. Mesmerizing came to mind.

“No real surprise there”, I said. I swiveled my head around to the rest of the room and asked, “We seem to be the only ones here this evening. What has you here so late?”

“Oh, I’m trying to come down from a long day. I’ve been ‘on’ for about 13 hours straight and I needed some liquid depressant.” She turned to me and smiled.

I smiled back at her. “Same.” I offered my hand to her, “My name is Lee.”

“Jen”, she said, taking my hand. Hers was soft, but firm.

“Jen, as in Jennifer? Or Jen as in ‘Just Jen’?”, doing my best Sean Hayes in Will & Grace impression.

She laughed. “Jen as in Jennifer.”

“Nice to meet you, Jen as in Jennifer.”

The bartender approached us.

“Can I get you something, sir?”, he asked. I looked at his name tag. “George, my good man, I’ll have an Old Fashioned, please. Neat.”

I turned to Jen. “Can I get you another? What are you drinking?”

She looked down at her glass. “Yes, that would be great.” She turned to George. “Martini. Up with a twist.”

“Coming up”, George said.

“An Old Fashioned? That’s very, I don’t know, 1950’s of you”, she said.

I turned again to her. “What can I say, I’m classy. What had you ‘on’?”, I asked.

“I’m sorry?”, she asked, still trying to process the last sentence.

“You said you’ve been ‘on’ for about 13 hours. What had you ‘on’?”

“Oh”, she said. “Press junkets.”

“Press junkets, huh? For what, if I may ask?”

“I’m in the middle of promoting a movie,” she said.

“Wow, good for you”, I said. “Are you an actor? Producer? Writer? What?”

She laughed. “You’re full of questions. I’m an actor, actually. I’m promoting the movie I’ve been working on for about 18 months.”

“Wow, again,” I said. “Is it any good?”

She laughed again. “I certainly hope so. We’ve spent enough time and money on it.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“But seriously”, she said, “from what I’ve seen and from how the shoot went, I’m pretty optimistic. It’s looking like a winner.”

“That’s good to hear”, I said. “I must admit, I don’t normally have time for television or movies these days. How long have you been an actor?”

“Going on 30 years now.”

“What?!”, I gasped. “30 years? You can’t be that old. I mean, you look so good. I mean…let me pause and rewind…” I breathed in and then out.

Finally, I continued, “You look beautiful.”

Smiling, she said, “Well, thank you. And I will take your not-really-knowing-what-to-say-and-yet-saying-it-anyway as the compliment it was intended to be.”

“Your grace is appreciated”, I bowed.

“Now that you know what I do, let’s find out about you.”

I thought for a second. I mean, what am I going to say to this woman who is seemingly so accomplished? My job is so…pedestrian. Certainly not as glamorous as an actor.

“Well, this will sound very boring. But I’m a Vice President of Technology.”

She looked puzzled. “That doesn’t sound that boring.”

“For a flooring provider.”

“Oh”, she said. “That is…well…I don’t really know what that is”.

“Yeah…”, I said. “That is my current job. But I am, at heart, a software developer. I write code. Have for the past 25 years.”

“Not making it any better”, she smirked.

“That’s fair. But I’m much more of a Renaissance man than that.”

“Oh yeah? Dazzle me”, she said, folding her hands under her chin.

“Wow, put me on the spot, why don’t you…well, let me see. I have a love of singing. Have since I first discovered chorus class in 6th grade. I’ve been told I can dance a little. I have been told I can write a little. And if I weren’t employed doing what I do, I would love to be a photographer. And the pièce de résistance, I have calves some men would die for.”

She had taken a sip while I was talking, and at the last comment, she hiccup’ed a little too much and spilled some down her arm.

“Oh…my”, she laughed, trying to find her napkin.

As if on cue, George walled up with our drinks, and a very well-timed napkin. She wiped her arm down, and finished her previous drink. George swiped up the glass, and we were alone again.

“I’ve never done a spit-take like that that wasn’t for an audience. That was…uh…unexpected.”

She paused momentarily.

“I don’t know that I believe you about the calves, though. I think I’m going to need proof.”

“What, you want to see them?”, I asked.

“I mean, yes. I must see the ‘calves that some men would die for’”, she said mockingly.

“Wow, I see what you did there. Ok, fine. But first, a toast.”

“A toast? So fancy”, she said.

I held up my glass, and she followed suit. “To a late night drink”, I said, “with a beautiful woman.”

“Cheers”, she said softly.

We clinked glasses, and took a sip of our respective drinks.

“Ok”, I said. “Ask and ye shall receive.”

I put my left leg up on the chair next to me and pulled my pants leg up to my knee, revealing my dress sock (the presence of the sock not the most sexy thing in the world). I pulled that down to my ankle, and let my (I must admit) muscular calf shine. She looked up and down, evaluating my bold claim. A slight pause.

“Impressive”, she said.

I pulled up the sock and lowered the pants leg again.

“Here I thought you were just going to take your pants off.”

“That comes after the second drink”, I shot back.

I sipped more of my drink, finally feeling the alcohol take more of an effect. It was soothing. Relaxing.

“You’re kind of a nut.”

“I’ve been told that others find me disarming”, I said. “I can’t imagine why.”

“It must the calves”, she quipped.

“Ha ha…I don’t show everyone my calves on a whim like this.”

“That’s a shame”, she said, eyes twinkling again.

Is she flirting with me? I don’t do flirting that well. At least, I didn’t think I did. But yes, that was flirting. I’m sure of it.

“I mean, we can’t all be as classy as the beautiful, well-dressed thespian sitting here in front of me”, I said.

She actually blushed at that. A truly genuine smile came across her face and she said, “Thank you. That is always wonderful to hear.”

“You don’t get that, like, every day of your life?”, I inquired.

“You’d be surprised”, she said.

“That is a shame”, I said. Hey, if she can flirt, so can I.

She continued, “Comments like that come less and less these days. It’s the curse of getting older, I guess. Not to play on cliches, but I’m not getting any younger.”

“What if it just means you’re getting better?”

She paused to take a long sip of her own drink. She put the glass down, and arranged the stem of the glass just so. “I’m a little speechless”, she said.

“My apologies. I didn’t mean to make it weird.”

“No, no, no”, she said. “Just not used to that kind of directness. It’s refreshing.”

I chucked a little. “That’s me. I’m classy and refreshing.”

“So, what are you doing here, Lee? I’m assuming you’re not from this area.”

“You catch on quick! I would have thought my accent gave it away”, I said.

“There’s a touch of an accent, but I can’t place it. My guess would be the Southeast somewhere.”

“Bingo. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA. I’m in town training some newer associates in our offices out here. Yeah, I can already see your eyes rolling back in your head. It can be just as mind-numbing as you’re thinking right now.”

“I know the feeling. Not that exact one, but I can imagine. We have the same kinds of things in the industry. It’s a job, in the end”, she said.

“It is, and it’s fine. But I’ve gotten pretty good at it by now. And I approach each class with the idea of entertaining my audience. Not just go through a boring training guide. There might be a dance number or two involved”, I smiled.

“You dance in your training class?”

“I do. Wild guess…what song do you think I’d choose?”, I asked.

“I have no idea”, she said.

“Thriller.”

“Oh my word, that sounds amazing!”, she exclaimed. “I would not have guessed that.”

“You have to keep it fresh or it just gets boring, obviously. And you lose them. And they lose you. By then, you’re just spinning your wheels.”

She looked at me, “You are full of surprises.”

At that moment, the music that had been playing in the background sprang to the forefront. The song had changed and I recognized it right away. I looked above and closed my eyes for a quick second.

“I may have another surprise for you”, I said, eyes still closed.

I looked back down. “Jen as in Jennifer, would you like to dance?”

She looked back at me like I was crazy.

“Come on, there’s no one else here but me and you. This song is perfect. Please?”

She smiled and made a big fuss about getting up, as if she was reluctant. She wasn’t. She surprised me and took off her jacket. It was a sleeveless top, showing off her beautiful, toned arms.

As Swayin’ to the Music (Slow Dancing) by Johnny Rivers played, she threw her jacket over the nearest chair. She walked closer. Standing this close to me, she was even more stunning.

I took one of her hands in mine, and wrapped my other arm around her waist. She pulled into me.

Above us, Johnny sang: “It’s late at night / And we’re all alone / Just the music on the radio”

I put my head next to hers, and we swayed back and forth as if we had done this thousands of times before. When the chorus hit, I quietly hummed along. I could feel her cheek rise. And while I couldn’t see it, I knew she was smiling.

She didn’t say anything. She just followed my lead. The next two to three minutes passed in a dream. We just danced. With quiet grace. Flowing like the song was written about us.

Johnny ended with “No one else / In the whole wide world / Whole wide world”. The music faded, and I began to pull back to look at her. For just a fleeting moment, she held on to me. Not wanting the moment to end.

“You do have a beautiful voice”, she said softly, before backing up.

“Thank you”, I returned. She receded to her chair again, and I took my post at the counter. Moments passed, each of us not knowing what to say. Or how to react. Something had changed.

I finally looked at her again and smiled. She smiled right back. Genuine joy in her eyes.

I finished my drink. (How did that happen so quickly?) I thought about ordering another. I shouldn’t, though. Having not eaten much during the day, it would be a long night if I had another. Or another few.

“George?” I spun my head in the direction where the bartender was standing. “Could I get my check for the drinks? And put her first one on mine, too.”

“Yes sir,” George answered.

“Oh you don’t have to do that”, Jen said.

“It’s no worry. You’ve been a breath of fresh air. It’s the least I can do.”

“Thank you again, kind sir”, she said in a mockingly-formal manner.

“Will this be charged to your room, sir?” George asked.

“Yes, please”, I said.

Jen picked up her glass for another sip. I found my wallet and fished out a $20 bill for George’s tip. When he came back with the check holder, I opened it. I signed my name and room number. I put the folded $20 in the folio behind the check and closed it.

“I’m going to have to bid you good night now. Jen as in Jennifer, it has been an absolute pleasure. Thank you for the company”, I said. “And the dance.”

“You as well. I will always remember dancing with the ‘calves that other men would die for’.”

“Touché”, I chuckled. “I hope your movie does well and, for your sake, that the press junkets are mercifully over soon.”

“Me too. I’m almost done, thank goodness. Thank you so much, Lee.”

“Have a good night”, I said. I turned to walk toward the door. But I stopped and spun around to face her once again. “I hope… somehow, somewhere…we meet again.”

She paused for a split second, and said, “Me too.”

I smiled, and turned around and headed to the door.

She watched me go. When the door finally closed behind me, she gestured for George, who had returned to the end of the bar. “George, do you know who that gentleman was? His name is Lee, but I never got his last name.”

“I’m afraid I don’t, Ms. Aniston. He’s new to me.”

She smiled. “Thank you, George.” She finished her own glass, and began to gather her things. “Have a wonderful night, and I’ll see you again soon.”

George bowed his head, “You too, ma’am.”

Jen stood up, threw her coat over her arm, and walked to where I had stood. Casually, she opened the folio, gave it a quick glance, and closed it with a satisfied flick.

George smiled, and watched her walk out of the bar.

My daughter will be going off to college here soon. I’ve had multiple conversations with friends about when their kids leave for college and how they cope. Not only within themselves, but within the family that is left behind.

One story was about a daughter that went off to college. She’s a basketball player, and has since been introduced to the basketball environment around campus. And that includes older students/players. A certain older student took an interest in her, and she was reciprocating. And I watched as her dad, a friend of mine, go through what I assume every father goes through: Don’t mess with my baby.

You see, from a father’s perspective, we have a drive to protect.Not only from wanting to protect her as “my little girl”, but there is an inherent need to protect them from anything and everything that could hurt them.

It might be a weird way to describe this, but I feel we (her mother and I) have built this human from scratch. We have given everything we have to make sure they’re learning the right lessons, in the right school(s), doing the rights activities, making the right grades, nurturing the right friendships. And on and on and on. And then we reach this point where we are faced with the fact that they are just…released…to the world. And we are expected to simply let it happen, and sit back and let them make their own mistakes.

Do you know how hard that is? To sit aside and say (internally), “she’ll get there”. It’s frickin’ impossible sometimes. And my feelings don’t even compare to her mother’s. I’m the one who is more ready (whatever that means) for that inevitability. And that’s scary.

I’ve often listened to Trisha Yearwood’s 1992 hit “Walkaway Joe”, and empathized with the mom’s perspective:

Mama told her baby, “Girl, take it real slow” Girl told her mama, “Hey, I really gotta go He’s waitin' in the car” Mama said, “Girl, you won’t get far” Thus are the dreams of an average Jane Ninety miles an hour down a lover’s lane On a tank of dreams Oh, if she could have only seen

I can so relate to that. We (as parents) work to prepare our kids to go off in their life. And that’s all we can do; just prepare them. We can’t make them do anything. We can steer, we can encourage, but we have to let them go and make their way. They will make mistakes. They will mess up. And as I see it, our job as parents is to be there where they need it. And not be there when they need that.

It’s weird. Because that feeling vacillates between helplessness and great pride. I know every parent eventually goes through this. I just happen to be hitting this one at this point in my life.

God help me when my little boy does the same thing two years from now. I’m actively choosing not to deal with that right now. One day at a time 😌

And while we’re talking about WTFs today…

Apparently, there is a happening at weddings that surprised even me. According to reports, there are situations where the bride, who traditionally throws their bouquet behind them to the waiting throng of bridesmaids, has worked out a plan with the partner of one of those bridesmaids. The bride proceeds to not throw the bouquet, but instead walks it over to that bridesmaid and hands them the bouquet. Unbeknownst to that bridesmaid, the aforementioned partner proposes right there on the spot, in the middle of the reception.

I heard about this and I was kind of shocked. I guess it’s okay, as long as the participating bride is supportive of it. But that aforementioned partner better be damn sure the bride is onboard and wholeheartedly supportive.

I can’t imagine the rage of a surprised and unaware bride. Oof.

I was listening to Mr. Tony’s 6/30 show yesterday and heard him recount a story that makes me feel old and out of date. He walked into a bank (not one in which he was affiliated) and asked for change for a $100 bill. He wanted four $20 bills, one $10 bill, and two $5 bills. And the teller refused, based on the bank’s policy.

Realistically, I know the policy probably centers around counterfeit concerns. And while I understand that, does a bank trust a “member” not to cheat them more than a random stranger? I guess the answer is yes. Or more to the point, the bank has a paper trail (so to speak) if the party is a bank member, because that transaction is logged somewhere and can be pointed to in any (potential) future dispute.

Having said all of that, come on. This is a $100 bill. Cash. As Tony said, it’s legal tender in the United States. Why exactly can this transaction, this trade of tender, not be fulfilled? Would it be any different if it was a $20 bill?

We (and by “we”, I mean society) would crucify a convenience store, for example, for refusing to accept cash. Conservatives would lambast them for being too “woke” or whatever, and liberals would scream about the individual’s rights in an increasingly oppressive state. I already hear old people (including Tony) complain about others NOT carrying and using cash more often.

In this case, specifically, I’m with the old man 😉

P.S. Ironically, he did end up getting the change from a customer who was standing nearby. He had change on hand because he had just gotten back from a job…as a male stripper. 🤣

I did a LOT of driving over the past 48 hours, and it hit me multiple times that it would be so nice if there was some way that a camera could be available/triggered with your eye. When you’re hurdling down the highway at 65mph (😉), it’s not easy to stop and capture a scene that strikes you from behind the steering wheel.

And it’s not limited to stills, either. We drove through the hills of Virginia and West Virginia, and the perspective of focusing on a specific angle and watching that angle move (slowly to the eye) gives the scene a beautiful 3D quality that stills just don’t fully capture.

I know this is Black Mirror, sci-fi kind of stuff, but…I just know I see so many images and scenes that I’d love to capture that I have to just let go and allow it to live in my memory. And given that my memory is shite at best, I’d certainly like the ability to store it long-term in some other, more dependable media.

P.S. Also of note is the idea that certain scenes are made that much more incredible at different times of the day. I’ve seen a particular stretch on Highway 92 in WV for roughly 10 years that hits differently depending on weather conditions, time of day, or even what mood you’re in. Just an observation.

We took our daughter to her college orientation late last week. I was struck by how the idea of college seemed to excite me maybe even more than my daughter. I’m listening to these info sessions about class selection, dorm life, clubs on campus, and study abroad opportunities. Shit, it made me want to go back to college.

I did have the traditional college experience for my freshman year at Auburn University. It was fun, it was different, it was new. But I don’t know that I appreciated the experience as much as I probably should / would now. The freedom that a college experience provides is pretty special, looking at it from my eyes now. The freedom to explore. The freedom to focus on learning as your full time “job”. Hell, we sat in an info session where a guy described his 11-month experience in South Korea, because he just wanted the experience. Image that now. At 42 (almost 43 now), that sounds amazing!

I find myself jealous of my own daughter and the upcoming experience(s) she’s going to have. It’s like the world is open to her like it will (seemingly) never be again. Want to go on a random date with someone you just met in History class yesterday? Why not?! Want to go to a concert the university is sponsoring? Let’s do it! What about a semester in Italy while you study Italian? Perfect!

Like I said, jealous. Who knows, maybe I’m giving short shrift to retirement. It’s getting to be closer than college to me at this point!

I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep, and I heard a firework. The joke amongst us city-ites is that it’s always a gunshot. Dark humor, right? But that got my brain going through all kinds of things. What follows is almost a stream of consciousness about the idea of death, children, guns, and the “what is it all for” question.

(sarcasm) Please enjoy this upbeat trip down my own subconscious while you drink your coffee and get ready for a great day! ;) (/sarcasm)

It’s so quick One second, you’re alive, the next you’re not. Everything you’ve lived for…snuffed out. Others (people) put blood, sweat, and tears into your life and now it’s over. Just like that. What are they thinking? Do they see it as a waste? Your whole life in this one long narrative, and someone slaps the pen out of your hand. Hundreds of thousands of dollars spent to get you to this place, and it’s done. Was it worth it? Did you live your life? Did you do what you wanted? Did you even know this ending was coming? Were you simply going through your day and it just stopped? Did you think about the fact that you’d never make it back to your bed that night? Was the last food you had good? Did it satisfy you? What about your last drink? Last bit of sex? All of the warnings and training and tactics taken to keep you alive were…useless? What was the meaning of it? How did this happen? Will they miss me? Will my kids miss me? My friends? My family? My wife? What will they do after I’m gone? Is it like the movies and TV shows? Will they suffer for a while and then move on? How long will that take? What would I have been able to do if I hadn’t just gotten shot? And what’s up with the gun? Why do we have them? It can end a life so quickly. Shouldn’t we have a chance to choose this? Why are we fucking around with these things? Why do people defend this thing so vociferously? Vociferously, that’s a big word. I guess I did use big words every now and then. Although, I do use “fuck” a whole lot. Is that bad? Is cussing considered bad? Was I funny? Will people remember that? Was I handsome? And where did that word come from? What is handsome? I guess, in the end, it doesn’t matter. Everyone will end up here at some point. I always thought I’d be older than this when I died. I knew I wasn’t going to last a long time. No one in my family seems to. At least I didn’t see my own kids die. That’s a blessing, I guess. I can’t imagine that. Horrific. From that perspective, I’d be thinking these same things about their life. Jayme and I have put so much work in to get them set up for their lives. What was it all for if some asshole just comes along and ends it? Ends them. How could I live with that? How could Jayme? What would she do? What would we do? Too much. The callousness of people is unnerving. Do they even care? Is getting something “done” all they care about? So many shows and movies depict it as a “job”…killing people Is that really the way they think about it? How does someone get there? How do they become that desensitized to it? I guess this is why people want to believe in something greater than them. To fool themselves into some understanding. What a crock of crap. How could anyone, much less a god, allow someone to end someone else’s life so easily? Don’t give me “God has a plan for everything”. Bullshit. How do I, or anyone, believe in the humanity of people? Where’s the proof that we are inherently “good”? I guess that’s another way we justify reality to ourselves. Another lie for our own good.

Shit, the alarm…

Around 10 years ago, my therapist challenged me to be more empathetic. Not knowing that challenge was coming, it threw me off. I wasn’t empathetic? And at the same time, what does being empathetic actually mean?

Actively working on this, 10 years later, I can confidently say that I am. And what brought about this realization recently? The Titan sub tragedy.

You see, I underdstand the want to rag on the hubris of these millionaires that (seemed to) knowingly risk their life on something that was not deemed safe by its own industry. It’s very easy to point the finger at them and say “you rich fools”.

But I haven’t done that. In fact, I haven’t said anything. Because it’s unbelievably sad. And tragic. And horrifying. And all the rest. The fact that a 19-year old was on the vessel cranks those feelings up a notch more.

Whether you’re a rich person who coasts through life on their own hubris or a rich person who…doesn’t, no one deserves a death like that. No one deserves knowing their death is almost certain and can do nothing about it.

Maybe this tragedy will help those types of people in the future, and make them think twice about decisions that come down to bucking safety and operating protocols to satisfy said hubris.

I wrote this in the first couple of pages of a book I gifted my daughter last month when she graduated from high school. For those who are curious, it was Randy Pausch’s inspiring “The Last Lecture”. Anyway, I thought I’d share it here:

Change is coming. You can’t stop it. Some say it’s the only constant we have in life.

You’re going off to college soon. You’re going to make new friends. Figure out new passions. Study new topics that inspire you. Travel to new places that wow you. Find some relationships that bring you joy and some relationships that bring you sorrow. You’re going to have incredible highs and (hopefully not too many) agonizing lows.

But even they will change. Day to day. Month to month. Semester to semester. Year to year.

That’s the beautiful part of change. It keeps us on our toes and prepares us for whatever comes. Life is a whirlwind. And it will test you. It will test your will. And dare you to defy it. And you will. And your mother, your brother, and I will be there to cheer you on at every step.

But there’s one thing that the “some” don’t factor in. You see, they’re wrong about change being the only constant. Because they forget about a father’s love. A father’s love for his daughter is the most constant constant you can imagine. It knows no bounds. Nothing can pierce it. Nothing can tarnish it. It is evergreen and everlasting.

From the very moment the doctor handed your little crying body to me, I knew I was changed forever. Looking down at your small face as you searched for what to do now, I knew what the purpose in my life was. It was to love you, and let everything flow from that simple fact.

You make me so proud, Caroline. And I have no doubt the best is yet to come.

Change is coming, yes, and it will be great. Embrace it and let it take you places you can’t even dream of now. Because everywhere you go, a little piece of my heart will be with you.

Go get ‘em, baby girl!

Several thoughts, as days have gone by, on Apple Vision Pro…

• So many people, including people who were around during the time I’m about to describe, are saying the worst (and most creepy) part of the demo last Monday was the dad wearing the headset while he filmed his kids (in 3D, supposedly). I’m sorry, do you people not remember the early days of home video recording? I do. My dad had a shoulder strap for the part of the VCR that he had to have with him, on top of the recorder itself, which was the size of a library dictionary. The Vision Pro is smaller than both of those (individually, much less combined). Let’s not get too high and mighty about strapping things to your face or body being “creepy”.

• They say it’s isolating in a time where (post-pandemic) people are wanting to congregate and be “together”. I understand that, but it’s not like anyone has asked people to wear these things 24/7. In defense of Apple, not once did they show this device being used in public places. The most public place they even talked about was an airplane. Do you know of anyone who wants to be “inclusive” on a plane? No. We (all) put our headphones in a watch a movie or read a book. It’s self-isolation. And it’s not a bad thing. I think this argument is overblown to the point of being ornery. We all isolate ourselves with our phones today. Just like they did back in the day with newspapers. I’ll be getting off your lawn and not letting the bought air in now.

• Yes, $3500 is expensive. It’s big and clunky (in comparison to the iPhone, let’s say). I get it. But think of v2 or v3 or even v7 of this thing. Think of the future. In his article from Monday, Federico Viticci outlines the hope and promise of Apple Vision Pro: A Watershed Moment for Personal Computing, despite its seeming drawbacks at this incredibly (some say too) early stage in its life. Remember, many pundits are pontificating having never tried the device. Draw your own conclusions carefully.

• Bet against Apple at your own peril. I’m just sayin’.

With all the talk about manufacturers going full EV in the next X years and the charging stationing consolidation that’s happening now and the recent Rowan Atkinson article in The Guardian questioning the net “good” of EV manufacturing, we seem to have forgotten a concept that is over 2+ decades old. The hybrid.

Remember the Prius? The idea of a vehicle that uses the battery when it can, but still has a gas engine in there when it’s needed (that can also be used to charge the battery while you’re driving with gas)? What happened to that?

Worried about the range issue with a full EV? Hybrids solve that. Worried about the manufacturing challenges of the large number of batteries for these new EVs? Hybrids (at least partially) solve that.

It seems like we (collectively) have just brushed this novel concept aside. I don’t know why. Did I miss a memo?

I was skeptical before WWDC yesterday. And I’m still skeptical. But the concept videos they showed are certainly intriguing. Price is obviously an issue right now, but they know that. If Apple hasn’t said the words yet, they will. This will be an extremely soft launch.

But the concept is there. I like that they kept talking about the idea of being “other places” without having to leave your room. I can’t remember if I’ve talked about this here, but imagine being able to tour Paris or Rome or Hong Kong without the expense of traveling there. By no means will this curb the idea of travel in and of itself. But think of the people who can’t travel to these places. People with disabilities or financial hinderances. They will have the opportunity to experience those locations, and so much more.

I know this is true for VR as a whole, and not limited to what Apple announced, but I think it’s a potentially transformative technology. Not affordable the everyday Jane right now, but prices will come down.

Again, color me intrigued.

On the eve of Apple’s WWDC 2023, I can’t help but bring up (yet again) the notion of the ultimate portable computer. Yes, they’ll talk ad nauseam about VR/AR glasses. And everyone will pontificate on that announcement and their expected lack of large language model integrations. (For the record, I don’t personally buy the need for Apple to be in this space, but that’s my own hot take.)

Whatever, they can have their news cycle.

I still deeply believe in a concept a friend (and coworker) of mine and I talked about 15+ years ago (even before the iPhone existed). And that’s the notion of a computer, nay your computer, that lives inside your phone. That utopian idea that when you’re out and about, your phone is your phone. And it does all the wonderful phone-based things we do today. But when you are at your desk, and your phone is connected to your monitor, it is your computer.

In 2006, the technology didn’t exist. But in 2023, why couldn’t Apple do this? They control the software. They control the services. They even control the underlying processor architecture. Let’s face it, the difference between an iPad and a Mac these days is a business decision. They really can’t put the M-series chips in iPhones? My guess is they already do, but refer to it as the A-series because that’s the product line expectations.

If you really think about it, this is ultimately what we, as consumers, want. But it does go against what Apple wants. Apple is a company, and like it or not, they are charged with making money for its shareholders. They have a diverse product offering that brings in (unheard of amounts of) revenue. Why would they break that cycle and combine product offerings that will ultimately decrease said revenue? (I’ll skip the whole always-show-market-growth-because-that’s-what-shareholders-demand ridiculousness for now.)

People asked them the same question in 2007. Their answer was “If someone is going to take that market share from the iPod, it might as well be us.” And that’s the same argument that could be made now.

Be a rebel again, Apple. Start another revolution.

This past Friday, my daughter graduated from high school, and as I sat there during the calling of 500+ names, I had some observations:

• Everyone has a family. There are always kids who treat others like shit, and Care’s school was no exception. But you do get to see that even those kids have people that care about them, and cheer them on as they walk across the stage. Lots of competing thoughts there.

• There are a LOT of kids. My high school class had somewhere between 200-250 kids. And I thought we were a large class. But having over 500+ kids walk…wow. I guess that’s just Columbus compared to Atlanta.

• People have the ability to act like absolute fools. Believe it or not, I’m a person of decorum. And when the pricinpal, at the beginning of the ceremony, makes it a point to ask the audience to be respectful of the other kids, I take notice. Some didn’t. The worst offender was the air horn that someone literally pressed for their kid and it continued through someone else’s name. Unacceptable.

• Someone is wearing a Yankees jersey. The clothing choices were ALL over the place. From suits (that was me) to shorts and a Yankees jersey. Yeah.

• Vast majority of them going to further education. SO many of these kids are going to either college or trade school. Like 95%+. I thought that was staggering.

• Some didn’t expect it. I continue to believe that the reason some of the people in the arena acted like fools because they were so happy (and, quite frankly, surprised) because they didn’t expect their kid to graduate. Wish fulfillment and all that.

via (Daring Fireball)

From a technical perspective…holy crap, that’s unbelievable!

From a photographer’s perspective…sigh. What will the “photography” category look like in 5-10 years? Just filled with this stuff? How will we even know what is real (i.e. reality-based) and what is generated?

(from this morning’s “The Hustle” newsletter)

It’ll know everything users watch and click, and share those insights with “data partners.” It also has a camera. And a microphone. And a baked-in AI voice assistant always listening for “Hey Telly.” And this deserves its own bullet: Telly’s sensors monitor for the “physical presence of you and any other individuals using the TV at any given time.” Users can’t opt out of any of this without returning the TV or paying for it.

Ok, I know there are people that will do this. But oh my. I can’t even imagine. The camera and microphone is where it was a hard “no” for me.

Almost 25 years ago, Jayme and I got hooked on a show called “Roswell”. It was the story of three (alien) teenagers who are living under cover in Roswell, NM. It was a classic teen angst drama from the height of the WB days. (For all of you youngsters reading this, go look it up.) On the surface, the main characters wanted to be seen (as all teenagers do), yet not seen. They wanted to blend in and be “normal”. And that’s how they lived their lives.

In an early season 1 scene, the main character Max had too much to drink and was acting out of character. Liz, his would-be girlfriend, said to him, “This isn’t you. This isn’t normal”. He walked over to a parking meter and, using his alien powers, made it light up with sparks. “What’s so great about normal?”, he asked her.

I’ve always loved that line, because it reinforces the idea that normal doesn’t have to be what society considers normal. Doesn’t have to be the “right thing”, as others view it. Circumstances in life can be “good” and not be the norm. Max was showing his true self.

For most of my life, I’ve wanted to be normal, too. Growing up with a stuttering problem, it was always the main thing keeping me from normal. Teasing, laughing, pointing…all of those things were commonplace. Kids can be rough. I developed coping mechanisms and hid out, much like my alien friends from Roswell.

All I ever wanted was to be treated like everyone else. To be accepted as normal. I would long to be the kid who did not spend English class sweating, terrified that the teacher would call on them to read out loud to the class. Oh, to be the kid who could stand up and speak extemporaneously about their summer when called upon to “share”. Ironically (for people that know me now), I was always viewed as a relatively quiet kid. Obviously, there was a reason.

Yet, as I grew up, I found friends. They accepted me for me, and my stuttering. They treated me as normal, even though I still struggled with it from time to time. I even found a girl who not only looked past it, but never even brought it up. I know Jayme noticed it. I know it probably frustrates her sometimes, as it does me. (As I think back now, she never had that pained expression on her face that most people got. Almost a pitied look. The lack of that was nice.) But it’s never been a thing between us. She accepted me, she loved me, for me.

As I sit here in 2023, I’m reminded me of these things because the idea of “normal” has been weaponized once again. We are in the midst of (yet) another phase of the ongoing culture war. This time, it seems to focus on homosexuality (still) and gender identity.

We have states (FL) looking to ban the use of the word “gay”. That same state also wants to ban transgender health care, for goodness sake. As I write this, the Florida legislature is pushing a host of bills that will limit the rights of transgender individuals. One will allow the state to take minors away from families whose child is receiving gender-affirming care. Another banned “diversity programs in colleges and prevent students and teachers from being required to use pronouns that don’t correspond to someone’s biological sex”.

Side note: WTF happened to FL? They were on the right path.

I mean, what if the state of Georgia in the early 1980’s banned stuttering, and shamed all whom suffered from it? Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? But why is that any different than what’s going on here?

What’s amazing to me is the idea that these things are just now such a problem that needs solutions now. Now. Now. Now. As I’ve mentioned in the past, the folks who are raising these issues are so quick to suggest bans on this and that. Because they think these things are a problem. A threat.

And my ultimate question is a threat to what?

(I’m going to avoid a discussion on religion. I think my opposition to organized religion is well-documented, and I don’t want to focus on its regrettable influence here.)

Their answer would be that these things are a threat to the norm. (I’ve literally had someone give me this answer in a conversation recently.) It’s as if this notion of the “norm” is a perfect utopia. And their “now, now, now” chants are because it’s a problem that has only sprouted in the past several months or years.

I hate to be the one to tell them this. But homosexuality and even the want to be another gender is not new. History is filled with stories of both. If you believe the statistics, you would have to acknowledge that at least one U.S. President, for example, has been gay. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, DeSantis.

And here’s the thing, those people (in the past) lived with their own truth (internally) and had to hide it from the outside world. Directly due to this notion of the “norm”. And those people that wanted to identify as another gender, they did the same thing. They’re coming “out” now because they want things to change. The medical means exist now. They can make that dream come true. They have the opportunity live their true self.

Hell, I wish there was a medical solution to stuttering. I’d do it in a heartbeat. And my parents would have done it in a heartbeat in the 1980’s, too. You think that’s drastically different than trans-gender procedures? I don’t.

Speaking of parents, I’ve also heard the argument that some parents can blame themselves and ask the question “What did I do wrong?” and/or “How did I fail my child?” As if the idea of being gay or trans-gender is a failing in and of itself. In even asking those questions, they are inherently saying that their failed state has led to their children being who they are. That they, by the transitive property (no pun intended), are a failure. A failed state of being.

I can’t comprehend the thought process of looking at your child and labeling them a failure. How self—aggrandizing to think that your actions as a parent are so profound that it’s the only reason your child is the way there are. It couldn’t possibly be that they were born that way. It couldn’t possibly be that their inner self was hiding exactly because of the way you “raised them”.

Take a moment to realize that kids are who they are. And you don’t know what’s going on inside their head. Not really. You are given a view of them that they show you. Instead of asking “Where did I fail?”, why not say “How can I help you?”

Years ago, my therapist told me, “the world is sorely lacking in empathy”. They were right. Granted, at the time, they were specifically talking to me. Still, they were right. Legislation, like the ones mentioned above, prove that we (as a society) do not lead with empathy. We lead with fear. Fear of the anti-norm.

Where does that leave us?

One of the most interesting disconnects I have come across is the notion of the African American community and their inherent bias against homosexuality. Whether that’s based on religion, or the ever-present “norm”, I don’t know. But it was brought into stark relief for me in a conversation recently.

In my mind, these are so analogous as to be roughly equal. Each group wants to be treated equally. Accepted equally. To be part of the “norm”. Yet, the majority of the community seems to (still) outright reject it.

I’ve heard:

• “Things are moving too fast!”
• “Don’t put it ‘in my face’!”
• “They’re too aggressive!”
• “Why do I have to see that?”

Ironically, these are the same questions and arguments society has given for most movements in the past: civil rights, women’s rights, gay rights, and now trans rights.

My question to that community is this: “What would have happened if no one stepped up and pushed progress?” What would have happened if figures like Dr. King and Malcom X had not stepped up and bucked the norm? Gloria Steinem? Harvey Milk? And on. And on.

Had those people done nothing, and just sat in the background hoping for people to just accept the change one-by-one, we’d still be living in the horrors of the 1950’s and prior. And I don’t say horror in the previous sentence lightly. Despite what nostalgia wants you to believe (aka through the lens of the straight, white community), life for people not in the straight, white community was, in a word, terrifying.

People in the gay and trans communities should be stepping up and stepping out. They should be making their voices heard. They should be refusing to accept the status quo. They should be pushing progress forward.

As Steve Jobs said long ago…

“…but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward…because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

And damn it, the people not in those communities should do exactly the same thing in supporting them. It’s the only way things will actually change. It’s the only way they will find what they ultimately want, what people like myself already have, acceptance and equality.

Watched the new Michael J Fox documentary (starring MJF), and it was fantastic. Nostalgic, yes, but also very humbling. This guy was an indelible part of my childhood. He stars in probably my favorite movie of all-time, “Back to the Future”. At 61, he is visibly fighting his Parkinson’s, but his jubilant personality is still shining through. The tremor-based shaking hasn’t beaten him, and that is tremendously uplifting.

Huge, huge kudos to his wife Tracy, who seems to have been the grounding force he needed to battle this, as he acknowledges, together.

Which is correct?

• “get upset”
• “pitch a fit”

I’ve always used “get upset”. Not that I remember my parents using either, but I’ve certainly used “get upset” with my kids when they were little. In fact, I don’t ever remember anyone saying (out loud) “pitch a fit”.

On the most recent episode of “Judge John Hodgman”, they bring up a good point that people in the South (literally where I’m writing this from) say the word get as “git”. That’s a generalization, to be sure, but I can understand it. Pronouncing it “git” is the least of the Southern drawl-isms I’ve heard around here.

(My personal favorite is “dern” instead of “darn”.)

Anyway, I think the “get upset” is the correct finish to this phrase. And I will hear no more about it. Case closed.

Like him or not, Keith Olbermann has a position. And this morning’s episode of “Countdown with Keith Olbermann” dealt with a subject that is as politically hot as any: guns.

In it, he raises a question on bans that has stuck with me. It centers on the duplicitous way the modern-day GOP approaches any subject in which they hold a staunch view. Take the examples he cites:

• Drag shows
  • For the “protection of the children”
• Books
  • Isn’t this the concept pointed to as proof that facism is alive and well?
• Access to Votingo
• Immigrants (full-stop)
• Stem cells
• Transgender care
  • Looking at you, Florida
• Historical accuracy (ex: critical race theory)
  • Again, looking at you, Florida
• Abortion

All of these things are either banned already or are in the cross-hairs of national and/or state legislators.

Yet, we (the collective we) won’t ban guns. Or even assault weapons. Why? (Calm down, Sparky. Let’s hold the BS 2nd Amendment argument aside for just a second.) Because they will argue that bans don’t work.

The realization that these two standards are utterly in competition with each other, logically cancel each other out, doesn’t seem to bother them or their supporters. It’s just taken as accepted and not talked about further.

This is what is so unnerving about the current civil rights struggle (yeah, I used that term. What would you call it?). The cognitive dissonance it must take to be a supporter (of this group) these days is truly staggering.

Yesterday, I was scrolling through Instagram, and an advertisement caught my eye. Like most things you see on Instagram, it was programmatically fed to my eyeballs through their constant monitoring algorithm. And, in this instance, it worked perfectly. It was an ad for the new Atlanta Braves City Connect jerseys at a substantial discount.

In my want for all things jerseys (mostly baseball and soccer), I clicked on it and started looking around. I found a Ronald Acuña #13 jersey, and was about to pull the trigger. But something nagged at me. I showed it to my son, and his fraud radar went off as well. Embarrassingly (to a tech guy), he told me to look at the URL. Sure enough, he was on to something.

Fake	Real

Check out the URLs at the bottom in the screenshots. Fanatics.com is one I know very well. We buy lots of merch from there. The other one was not quite that. And it almost got me.

Upon further inspection, things really started jumping out at me.

For one, look (above) at the jerseys themselves. The real one (from fanatics.com) has no small number on the front. This happens to match the real-world jerseys I saw at the Braves’ clubhouse store when I was at a game a couple of weeks ago.

Several others:

• “Men’s” is not grammatically correct.
• What is a “Cool Base” jersey? This particular jersey style does not have that in its name.
• Acuña’s name was spelled minus the “~” over the “n” in his name.
• The category of “Brand” was “baseball”. Huh? Not to mention, why would you not capitalize the “B” in “baseball”?
• The arrows you see (on top of) the image were not overlayed from the website. They were part of the image. That’s not a (legit) thing.
• There are arrows on either side of the jersey (even blocking one of the sleeves). But there’s only one image available (supposedly), so why would you need arrows at all? Much less one for “previous”.
• Same goes for the solid black dot below the image (normally used to visualize that this is one of N images available).
• Notice, also, that the real one has three available images, and it indicates that you’re viewing the first one. Hence, the arrow on the right is the only one showing. And it’s NOT part of the image itself. It’s a true overlay.
• The usage of the term “Reduced:” followed by the price you’re supposed to pay is not in keeping with convention. “Reduced to:” would be a better phrase. That indicates to me that the creator of this is not a native English speaker.

Now, for the web developer nerds out there. Look at the header for the fake site:

Now, look at the header for the real site:

Observations:

• There seem to be two “people” icons in the fake one. Normally, this is where “My Account” would reside. Signing in, seeing order history, that kind of thing. Why are there two? And why does one of them have a “+” on it? That makes no sense.
• The logo for “Fanatics” has a itty bitty trademark sign on the real site, but not on the fake one.
• The “hamburger” menu on the fake one has a weird non-consistent three lines. And it doesn’t even match the real site’s location.
• One of the top-level categories is “Nike NFL”. What does that mean? Another one is “Cap”. At this point, they’re not even trying.

The clincher for me, though, was the “Help” and/or “FAQ” section of each site. First, the real one:

It is very much in keeping with any e-commerce site out there. Categories spelled out, leading the user down a wizard-type path to achieve their goal.

Yet, the fake one:

• “FAQS” should be “FAQs”.
• The answer to number 1. is very disjointed grammar.
• If the “heading” for each entry is going to be a question, only the first word and any proper nouns should be capitalized.
• The phrase should either be “size do the jerseys” or “does the jersey” (singular vs. plural).
• No site would (or should) ever use “Plz” in their copy.
• “All of our jerseys size” is incorrect (again, singular vs. plural).
• “us” size should be “U.S.” size.
• The wording for “3.” is just such a generic sounding question that it’s almost as if ChatGPT wrote it.

Like I said, I was embarrassed I hadn’t applied enough rigor the first time I saw the deal. Admittedly, I was blinded by the price point and the hope of getting that good deal.

Kudos to my son for having the forethought to slow my roll.

“Follow-Up on ‘Adware for Apple Services in iOS’” (Daring Fireball)

The reason I never switched to using my mac.com iCloud account for everything, including purchases, is that there’s never been a way to migrate old purchases from a different account. And I’ve bought a lot of music, movies, and apps over the years using my other account.

Same.

Unsolved Mysteries (1987 - 1997, NBC)

I realize this is not a film. But knowing the subject matter of being scary, I could not leave it off. This TV show was scary to me. If for nothing else than Robert Stack’s voice. It was so low, and menacing. Every story he related felt like it had some sort of truth in it. Like it was not only possible, but plausible. Like I said, menacing. At least for 7-8 year old me.

I will never forget the (as I call it) alien episode. It told stories of people who claimed they had an alien encounter. Stories of little green men who showed up at people’s houses. Either to take them to their ship and perform experiments. Or to stand there looking at the people, studying them.

The latter literally affected how I slept in my own bed. You see, my bed was up against a wall across from my bedroom door. When I slept on my right side, I faced left, and could see the entirety of my room, including the door. When I slept on my left side, I would simply face the wall. Meaning my back was turned to the rest of the room.

Another importantly factor was that our AC unit (which was loud) was right outside my bedroom. So, when it was on (which was a lot, living in Georgia), it would almost serve as a white noise generator. (Nowadays, that sounds soothing. Certainly not then.)

Anyway, I had it my head that when the AC was on, I’d have to sleep on my right side facing the doorway. Because (in my child brain), I thought it protected me from the little green men. All I had to do was just open my eyes and see it/them. Whereas, when the AC unit was off, I was safe to sleep on my left side facing the wall. Thought there being that I would hear it walk. Or something.

Why or how that was protection, I have no idea. Kid brain, man. Honestly.

“You Probably Shouldn’t Work at a Startup” (Every Media, Inc)

Some real, hard truth being thrown about here. My own experience with one (and mine wasn’t even “real” in that sense) bore a strong resemblance to the idea of “Business model? Where we’re going, we don’t need a business model”.

Overall, I discovered that I am just not cut out for startup life or the startup culture. Some people are. I am not. I like repeatable things. Startups are anything but.

Why are wheelstops (bet you didn’t know that word before now) so high? They are there to assist drivers who are parking their car. They only need to “bump” the car’s tires to alert the driver. They don’t need to be so high that they scrape the ever-loving crap out of the underside of the front of the car. Honestly, this puzzles me. It seems so unnecessary.

One of Judy Blume’s most frequently banned books heads to the screen (Morning Brew)

“She (Blume) has spoken out against book bans, but her work is still being pulled from libraries for its discussion of teen sexuality and other taboo topics.”

Do people really think if you don’t talk about teen sexuality, it will just not happen? Come on.

Ed Sheeran’s copyright infringement trial starts (Morning Brew)

This story makes me just shake my head. There seems to be a lot of hate coming onto Ed Sheeran (for unrelated reasons) lately, but I’m in his camp here. Almost every pop song could be picked apart and compared to another. Hell, there are even entire TikTok videos dedicated to pointing out this fact.

Years and years ago, former Beatle George Harrison was embroiled in a copyright scandal for using chords and/or chord progressions of the Chiffons’ hit song “He’s So Fine” (1963) in his song “My Sweet Lord” (1970). Didn’t agree with that issue, just like I don’t agree with this one.

Make music and have the appreciation live on for that music. After all, Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby” and Queen’s “Under Pressure” can be enjoyed separately on their own merit, right? 😂

Wrexham secures promotion in front of jubilant owners Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney

This weekend, the world witnessed a feel good story play out in a small Welsh town. Writers all over have used the moniker “Hollywood Ending” due in large part to Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney’s involvement in the team from Wrexham. It’s a very good story, even if you don’t like football (for you Americans, soccer).

I was privileged enough to visit Wrexham this past February. My family traveled to Europe over the kids’ winter break to see 4 European matches in 6 days. And a jaunt over to Wrexham was something I insisted upon.

The documentary series produced for the team’s first season under the Hollywood stars’ reign intrigued me. Well-produced and beautiful. It achieved its goal of making me relate to this town, these people, and this team. It sparked a longing to follow this story further (as any true-to-life documentary would).

What I’ll describe here are my impressions of the game we attended on February 21, 2023, when the hometown Wrexham Red Dragons took on Scunthorpe United FC in a National League showdown. (Don’t worry, that’s the last of the sports announcer voice.)

My first impression was one of a minor league baseball feel. For those of you who haven’t experienced that, you should. Make it a point to visit your closest minor league team and take in a game. It’s small. It’s quaint. And it’s baseball at is purest.

As we walked through the gates into The Racecourse Ground, the stands were so close to the pitch, you could see individual blades of grass. Not at all like our hometown Atlanta United at Mercedes Benz Stadium, where the stands sit quite high off the pitch. Here, we could see players up close. They looked bigger. Taller. Stronger. You could see the detail of their faces. The color variations in their tattoos.

Game time approached, and I was struck with the realization that this was a small town. The fans that filled the stands were all here. They were not strangers. They were (and are) a community. The person walking by you is not some guy. It’s John that you have a drink with on Thursday nights at the pub. Conversations from days ago continue as they squeeze past others to find their seat. They laugh and ask about John’s kids. They are part of this small town family.

I gazed across the stands, and realized the entire town is just…here. Like this is what they do on a Tuesday night, match night. It was cold (44 degrees) at kickoff, and they came prepared. Jackets and scarves all around. They brought their coffee in the same tumbler that they pack in their lunch pail for work. This is normal. This is what’s done.

Halftime came, and most of the 9,915 fans filed out below the stands for a bathroom break. Or to grab some food. Or just to grab a quick smoke. Just out of curiosity, I joined the throng. Found the lines for the bathroom (10-15 people in single file) and the massive wall of smoke just beyond the tunnel. 30-40 people deep trying to get themselves through the 2nd half.

One of the most endearing sights was watching a pair of boys waiting at the railing. They couldn’t have been more than 7 or 8 years old. While decidedly Wrexham hometown kids, they would watch players warm up along the side of the pitch. Didn’t really matter which team they played for, the boys lit up. They even jumped up and down when the players would come and give them a fist bump. Their little faces would turn around to catch a glimpse of their parents, almost saying “Look what just happened, dad! Mom, did you see that?”.

That is what this game, this town, is about. Seeing the smiles on those kids’ faces and understanding that they will be talking about that experience for a long time. It made me smile.

I also realized that the vast majority of fans in attendance were men. Much like American football games, these were big men. Gruff men. Men who drink and smoke. Men who have calloused hands from labor-intensive jobs. But attending tonight’s match, they were more than that.

Their inner boyhood shone through watching the game that they loved. The team they loved from the city they call home. They had a child-like quality to them that I can only describe as nostalgic. They were transformed by the boys (to them, at least) on the pitch as if those boys were their own.

It was then that Coach Parkinson made a substitution that almost brought the house down. If you watch the first season of the documentary, you will learn about a hometown kid named Jordan Davies. By the end of that first season, you are rooting for him with a full heart. And as he walked onto that pitch that night, all 9,915 people stood and chanted in unison “he’s ours”.

And they meant it. While the team had changed (and will continue to change as they move up in leagues), a slice of the town itself was still kicking and Jordan served as the living embodiment of that dream. They chanted with vigor and with pride. And if you were sitting amongst these people, hearing them collectively chant and cheer, and didn’t smile (or cry), you “ain’t made right”, as they would say where I come from.

That night was magical to me. It was everything I wanted it to be and more. Sure, watching Messi and Mbappe play in Paris days before was exciting. But this. This was an experience. This felt more “real” than that PSG game ever could. And it is something I will take with me forever.

I guess I’m a small-town homer at heart.

Let’s go Wrexham!

Keep Your Memories, Kill Your Nostalgia (Gizmodo)

This seems to be the example in our time in terms of distinguishing between the artist and their art. I don’t like JK Rowling’s stance on just about anything. I think her views of the transgender community are abhorrent and reprehensible.

Having said that, I think the Harry Potter story as a whole is still a good one. And still lives on in my memory, and my nostalgia. I remember reading The Order of the Phoenix in a small hotel room above a very loud and raucous bar in Lucerne, Switzerland in 2003. It was the first large book I’d read in (possibly) my life. I was riveted by it. I am glad to read (in the article) that the author feels the same.

”To be entirely fair, I don’t necessarily blame them; the Harry Potter books were deeply important to a huge number of people in my generation. They were transportive and magical. They taught people how to read, they brought adults back to books. Friend groups formed around midnight read-a-thons. Parties and week-long celebrations centered around release dates, first for the books, and then for the films.”

I think the author makes some good points, even if they are sensationalized for eyeballs and reader views. She (Rowling) is not a good person. But don’t confuse her with the characters she created.

The most recent of episode of John Oliver’s “Last Week Tonight” focused on that entity that we Americans know far too well. Home Owner’s Associations (HOAs). And yet, as the segment unfolded, I learned a lot of things I didn’t know and/or didn’t know were possible. Just one of the outrageous things: One lady’s HOA foreclosed on her house because she hadn’t paid the fines on time.

It also brought up (in our household, at least) the power dynamic of our own neighborhood HOA. They are managed by a company who is not present on site. We have a “contact” person that serves as the liaison between our community and the management company. Which, if you watched the segment, you know can be fraught with problems.

Right now, though, the issue at hand in our neighborhood is parking.

You see, parking in our neighborhood is scarce. While we all have two-car garages attached to each house, there are (shocking to some) families who have more cars (on an everyday basis) than two. And that’s not even counting guest parking. (Granted, guest parking is fluid with events and such.) And when the need for extra parking arises, the fight over the public parking spaces comes to the forefront.

On top of that, enter the “social media app for sociopaths” (patent pending), GroupMe. Much like its worse older brother app NextDoor, this app has allowed the people of the neighborhood to “have a voice”. And they exercise that voice. Loud and often. And one would think this would be an important place to hash out the issues of the day as it relates to the neighborhood, and its safety and security.

Nope.

Too often, it’s about who’s parking where. And whose dog pooped on whose lawn. And whose music is too loud. (By the way, the dog poop topic is not about whose dog pooped and the owner didn’t clean it up. No, it’s just that the dog pooped at all, even if the owner cleaned it up perfectly. And don’t even get me started on the numerous “Be respectful. No peeing.” signs scattered throughout the neighborhood.) You get the picture.

Now we get to my household’s conundrum. Brian just turned 16 recently. Caroline is 18 and getting ready to go to college. They each have a car. I have a car. Jayme has a car. That means we have 4 cars. Two fit in our garage. Two do not, and we have to utilize public space parking everyday. So every time someone starts to bitch about parking and how the public parking spaces are always being used, Jayme gets worried and I get incensed.

Side note: The reason I get incensed is that the vast majority of the neighborhood is either older with no kids OR younger parents who have smaller kids (max age around 6 or so). So, the majority of people who get on GroupMe and bitch are the ones who have no eligible drivers at the age they would need a third or fourth car. I simply want to scream at them and ask them to consider what happens in 10 years when ALL of these kids are of driving age, and will have cars. Just like my kids do now. But no, they can’t think that far ahead. Because what would they bitch about if they weren’t inconvenienced now.

Needless to say, these bitch-fests can (and sometimes do) get reported to our HOA liaison, and we’re off to the races with potential regulatory action and possible fines. Knowing what I know now re: HOA and the power they can wield, it really has me worried (and especially Jayme) about what can happen if selfish shitheads rule the day. And we all know how possible that is.

A tale of 2 prime-time stars flaming out

Despite what you may think, Fox News firing Tucker Carlson does not give me the schadenfreude vibes. Mostly because my question always goes back to “why now?”.

And the answer to that is a lawsuit. Not from “doing the right thing” or “you’re right, we shouldn’t lie on air day after day after day”. No, it’s because they got caught. Plain and simple.

So, whether they get rid of him or not, the integrity of Fox News (for whatever you think that bar is right now) just went down even more in my book. It’s literally circling the drain. Or the toilet. It’s a toss-up.

Bud Light makes changes to its marketing team after calls for boycott

Since Heinerscheid became the first woman ever to lead Bud Light’s marketing last June, she set out to revive the declining brand by appealing to women and younger people. … Last week, the CEO of parent Anheuser-Busch released a non-statement statement, writing, “We never intended to be part of a discussion that divides people.”

When did being inclusive become divisive?

Poltergeist (1982)

This film (and this series of films) conjure up a certain amount of sadness, actually. The film is scary, sure, but I knew too much going in to appreciate the full fear factor.

I didn’t see the original movie (or the subsequent sequels) in the theater. So, all three of the movies had already been released by the time I saw them. And I already knew that Heather O’Rourke (the actress portraying Carol Anne) had died recently. And that gave it such a maudlin quality. Remember, I was 8 years old. Death had not really entered my world yet, and I didn’t know what to do with that. And seeing such a young girl progress toward something inevitable, it was an odd feeling.

And then I watched the two sequels, and it became even sadder, especially when you can see the effects of the Crohn’s Disease show themselves in the third film. At the same time, you have to give Heather a lot of credit for persevering despite what was happening to her.

Honestly, this one was hard. I don’t get scared by movies very often. The horror and gore and all that don’t get to me outside of the viewing experience. It might be scary in context, but when the movie ends, I can laugh at the adburaity and go on about my life.

Which is where this particular movie comes into play. In 1999, social media was not a thing. If you wanted to know what was going on in the world, you had to seek it out. And given that I was still in college, and working at the same time, I didn’t really have time for that.

Back then, Jayme and I had movie date night every Friday night. And this Friday night, we didn’t have anything terribly pressing we wanted to see, so we thought we’d venture out. We had recently moved to Atlanta from Auburn, and didn’t really know the city. We had never been to this particular theater and didn’t really know the neighborhood, either. So, all new situation.

And then we walked in to see “The Blair Witch Project”.

You have to realize that at the time, we didn’t know it was fake. They took great strides to make you think it was real, and they succeeded. And the ending was just so unknown and weird. We didn’t know what we had just seen, and didn’t know what to make of it.

And then we walked out of this unknown theater in this unknown neighborhood in this realtively new city. And everything around us made us jump.

Today, it seems silly. And it makes me laught (at ourselves). But it wasn’t silly back then. We were legitimately scared.

Couple Delivering Instacart Groceries Says Car Was Shot at After They Drove to Wrong Address

A couple of days old now, but just as unbelievable today as it was when it happened.

”(A detective) asked if we wanted to prosecute and we agreed to do that, but he said since they didn’t break any laws or do anything unlawful, they couldn’t do anything because we were on their property,” D’arville said.

This is where we’ve gotten to? Really? You can just charge out of your house shooting a gun at just anyone and there are zero repercussions?

Several months ago, I was knee-deep in explaining a potential switchover from “regular” television broadcasts to streaming to my parents. My dad was not thrilled, to say the least. But it occurred to me that the transition process is what he struggled with the most. He doesn’t understand the technology behind streaming, and therefore couldn’t find a personal benefit from making this switch. And that’s totally understandable!

But it did get me thinking that we are in the middle of transitions all over the place in life and society. I would say 95% of them are for the better. And it seems to be incumbent on the younger generation to assist the older generations in making those transitions. It is hard.

I mean, look at the notion of moving from rotary dialing a telephone to the push button model. That probably freaked people out when they did it the first time. Same thing, just on a much smaller scale.

P.S. In the end, he preferred going to back to broadcast. For now. :)

Every place I go now asks for tips. Everywhere. Restaurants. Massage Envy. The bakery. The coffee shop. Even hotels. The only place I don’t seem to be guilted into tipping someone at this point is a retail store. And it would not surprise me if that’s the next onslaught.

The idea of tipping for services (I would say outside of food) is not great in the U.S. It’s always nebulous as to how much you’re supposed to tip. Sure, we are taught that restaurants are supposed to be around 20%. But what about the coffee shop? What about hotels?

And in some industries, tips are literally what makes up for the difference between what they’re paid and minimum wage. Here’s a thought: Charge me what you need to charge me, up front, so that you can pay your employees properly.

And stop begging me to pay you more on top of what you’re already charging me. It’s much easier to swallow when I know what it is right up front.

Birdies tell me that Japan has this down to an art. Let’s learn from them.

In the Films to be Buried With series...

Whenever the topic of “first”s comes up in respects to media, I always have to think back to 30+ years ago. And when it comes to movies from 30+ years ago, VHS was king in our household (my parents didn’t really like going to the movies). From my memory, two films stand out as my “first”s: Ghostbusters and The Empire Strikes Back.

I mean, “I am your father” and “Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.” are lines that are seared in my memory from watching these movies over and over again. I distinctly remember the terror from Luke’s cave experience while training with Yoda in TESB, and the skeleton taxi driver guy from Ghostbusters.

“There is no Dana, only Zuul” is still spoken in my house to this day.

Good times.

Apple journaling app will be part of iOS 17

I gotta say, I’m pretty happy with my micro.blog siteand its indepenence from the whims of a large multi-national corporation. And that’s coming from a self-prescribed Apple fanboy.

It doesn’t help that I’ve been burned by the likes of DayOne before :(

I was watching the first half of the US Men’s National Team (soccer) game last night against Mexico, and the broadcasters were talking about the players’ current club affiliations and it reminded me of this thought last month.

The player-club combination is fleeting. As a fan, I follow the club, and just enjoy the time players are with it. The ultimate go-with-the-flow.

P.S. I was watching the latest episode of Ted Lasso on Tuesday night, and there was a brief scene where the characters were in a hallway of one of the opposing clubs and they had a series of posters of their most famous players and when they played for them. One of them was Zava ( IYKYK ) and it read:

Zava 2013 - 2013

Unknowingly, this scene satirizes my exact thoughts.

The internet is mad at MillerKnoll CEO for telling employees to ‘leave pity city’ and forget about bonuses

Andi Owen, CEO of furniture conglomerate MillerKnoll, went viral Tuesday with a one-minute, 20-second clip telling employees to stop worrying about whether or not they’d get bonuses and “leave pity city.”

Oof.

Recently, I’ve been listening to Brett Goldstein’s excellent podcast “Films to be Buried With”. If you don’t know Brett other than by Ted Lasso, you’ll be pleasantly surprised how much he is not like Roy Kent. Funny, gracious, and vivacious. And a lover of film.

This podcast has also got me thinking about films and how I would answer the questions he poses to his guests. For example, “What is the film that scared you the most?”

I’ll be posting some of these in the coming days and weeks, as those answers can be somewhat complicated. In a good way.

Anyway, stay tuned.

A History Of The World According To Getty Images

“Newsreel cameras document power. But what strikes me most about my exploration of the Getty archive is how much the act of filming is itself an expression of power — men filming women, the rich filming the poor, colonizers filming the colonized. […] Whenever I search a news archive, I always hope I’ll find some images that aren’t about power, and once in awhile I do. But by and large, the past offers no surprises, as it is the source of all the inequalities and injustices that still exist”

As someone who loves taking pictures and documenting things (I am my own family’s self-appointed archivist), this was a mind-bender to me. True, and yet hidden to me for so many years.

It does kind of make you wonder what the “thoughts” and “prayers” are for.

Are those specifically for the victims to be ok? Logically, that wouldn’t make much sense, as the damage has already been done. Sorry, but you thinking (or even praying) about something can’t turn back time. Your all-powerful “God” can’t do that.

Or are they thinking and praying it won’t happen again? Because if they are, it ain’t working. And also, you’re standing in the way of things getting better. So, that makes no logical sense, either.

Maybe…just maybe…these politicians are just full of shitty thoughts and useless prayers.

John Gruber: “Putting aside the fact that Montana is a small state (44th in population, 1.1 million people), it just doesn’t seem feasible to ban TikTok at the state level.”

Montana only has 1.1M people? In that ginormous state?

I always make the joke about only buffalo living in Montana. But I didn’t realize it was true!

Hugh Grant Breaks Down His Most Iconic Characters | GQ

Despite his infamous younger years, I think Hugh Grant has aged very gracefully, and I tend to like him, his movies, and his roles (in particular) very much.

One line to listen for in this video is when he’s discussing “A Very English Scandal”. He uses the word “reptilian” when describing some of the English guests that would come over to his parents’ house for dinner parties when he was a child.

Love that word: reptilian

Enjoyed the most recent ATP where ther guys discussed the recent GM decision regarding not supporting CarPlay or Android Auto. I have to say that I (unfortunately) agree with Marco when he pointed out other industries and their tendency to break apart “good things” for financial gain. And yes, his example of the streaming offerings is spot-on.

It has me nervous when I think about the idea of NOT having CarPlay (in my case) as an option for my next car(s). I use CarPlay everyday. It’s almost essential in my routine and the routine of my family. And it’s something I absolutely use as a spec when considering a new car.

Teslas are great. And from what I hear, so are Rivians. But they’re not even on my radar because they are so locked in to their own software stack. And GM has now joined them.

It’s unfortunate.

New rules aim to make the auto industry go electric

Two things get us to where they (including Biden) want us to go:

1. EVs have to be comparable to gas-powered vehicles. As I’ve stated before, when I bought my car in 2021, the closest EV available from Audi was $20K more. That’s not going to work.

2. Infrastructure, infrastructure, infrastructure. Gas stations are a dime a dozen. Until charging stations are even close to that, you won’t get the adoption you need from the general public.

I still don’t know what to make of OpenAI and all of its implementations. I read the articles about how it’s going to change the world, put people out of jobs, and render whole industries obsolete.

The problem is I know too much. That’s not a brag. It’s a realization, as a programmer, I came to when I really began to think how this thing, this entity, works under the covers.

The hype is that it’s magic. Like something out of a far-off science fiction story. Like it’s sentient. It’s not. In reality, it’s a really, really fast parser. Like, really fast. Think Johnny 5 from 1980’s Short Circuit movies.

It works based on info it has “learned”. And it’s been exposed to lots of info from all over the Internet. So when you ask it for a random fact, the probability it can answer you correctly is going to be high. Why? Because we have things like Google and Wikipedia and various other information repositories that are already serving this purpose, albeit somewhat manually.

It can write summaries because it knows how to parse data of N length and summarize. It’s learned that. (This is one place where I would be worried about my copy editing job.)

But what can it really do that’s novel? Can it write you a new and unique story? Yes. And no. The example I’ve heard several times is asking it to write a song. When it composes that song and you hear it for the first time, you’re amazed. Because it seems like it did it on its own. When in reality, it’s learned the logistics of putting poetry to melody. Ask it to write another song? It’ll be very much like the first. Maybe not the exact words, but the tune will be somewhat familiar. Ask it to do it 5 more times in a row and you will see (or hear) the pattern.

It’s not new. It’s just variations on things it has learned. In that regard, it lacks imagination. Something I very much associate with human thought and ingenuity. I don’t think it’s gotten there yet. Not saying it can’t, but I don’t think we are as far along as the hype makes it seem.

I was discussing this with my DevOps team this morning in our weekly meeting. I brought up the idea of having an instance of this entity ”learn” the company’s data and help us with solving business problems.

My primary example was: “Hey (dingus), find me the most qualified and best installer to assign to this job.” (This is something we’ve actually hand-written already. I’d be very curious to see the results of something like this side by side.)

Could it even do that? How it would know, simply by looking at the extremely normalized data structure, what all of the real world entities mean? What is an installer? What’s a customer? What is a job? That lingo is so…human. And there is no Romanoff-to-English dictionary sitting somewhere in any database or web page.

This gets to my biggest question about all of this. How does it learn in order to make decisions based on data it might not have access to (at least publicly)? Are there “private” instances of it? Are there plugins for source material that it needs to know about?

These are things I don’t know. And quite honestly, I haven’t gone down that rabbit hole to find out. Yet.

The Whisper implementation (for transcript generation based on audio) is perfect. It takes input data, parses it, and generates output data. It’s been taught that by the same models that say this sound, in this langauage, translates to this letter or word (in said language).

ChatGPT. Same situation. You ask it a question based on structure of what a question is and it will parse it for key words and data points, look those things up, and re-formulate it into conversational or other structural output.

Are those things impressive? Most certainly!

Are they helpful? Without a doubt.

But let’s not confuse it with magic. Let’s call them what they really are: algorithms. Really large and fast algorithms. And people are still needed to write these algorithms.

For now.

Mayor says Louisville shooter’s rifle ‘will be back on the streets’ under state law

Just a pull quote from the article: “The killer’s rifle was confiscated after police shot him dead, and Kentucky law requires officers to send it to state police officials to sell at auction.”

I wish I had a logical answer to the poster’s question. The thing is, there is no logical answer except state revenue. That’s it.

As with most things, it all comes back to money.

WARNING: There may be a few curse words ahead. I was seething when I wrote this, so that might have played a part. :)

Not to get off on a rant here, but what is it with these fucking people that publically “talk” on the phone like it’s FaceTime all the time?

Honestly, why the fuck do you think we (all) want to hear you inane ass conversations about your friend who did you wrong last week? Or what Britney did to your boy over the weekend?

The worst is when they have to toggle the phone back and forth between the speaker (up to their ear) and then their mouth to microphone. This sick game goes on and on and on with no relenting.

It’s almost like they need to re-design phones to be able to talk AND listen at the same time. Oh wait…THEY ALREADY FUCKING ARE!! And it’s also designed so your dumb ass doesn’t have to scream into the damn thing.

Hang up the damn phone. And shut the fuck up.

It’s that simple.

On this trip (to NY) and the trip recently to Europe, I’m blown away at the power of good, properly laid out public transit. It might not be the fastest way to get to a point, but it’s normally the most consistent and the most economical way to travel throughout a metropolitan city. (Kudos to London, Paris, and NYC.)

That brings me to Atlanta, my home city. All I can do is sigh when I think about the public transportation options. Yes, MARTA is there. But it’s limited, to say the least. If you live anywhere except mid/downtown or right on the artery that is the ONLY north/south track, you’re kind of out of luck.

(For this rant, I’m not going to discuss buses. I’m just not.)

Anyway, given that there are SO many places that MARTA doesn’t touch, I start to wonder why (for the 873rd time). There are certainly cultural reasons that it has never expanded past where it services now. And some of those are rooted in a very racist past and present. (Looking at you, Cobb County.)

But I have to imagine the largest reason is money/resources. And i can understand that. Also, given that the city is already built, any interference with normal operation (beyond normal maintenance) will throw the city into havoc. Got that. Understand that. But large(r) cities around the world have had to deal with this. It is doable.

The money is where we always (collectively) end up. And I can imagine a business suit somewhere screaming about ROI when the discussion comes up. How will the city/metro area recoup its spend? When? How much pain does it cause in the meantime?

And I have to ask the question: Is ROI the be-all, end-all of every decision? Should it be?

There is no doubt bringing a proper mass transit system to the city of Atlanta would help it in many ways. Traffic being the number 1 reason. Have you seen traffic lately? Of course you have, it cannot be escaped.

The availability (or lack thereof) of easily accessible public transit also affects commerce. If you live in the Kennesaw area, for instance, it is a trip to get downtown for a “night out”. So, what happens? People end up staying in the area and going to the local chain (see what I did there?) restaurant. And the movies. And that’s the extent of it. They don’t get to other parts of the city to explore museums, concerts, exhibitions, and a wide variety of local restaurants. All the things that make cities great. Imagine if the customer base for these were not just limited to the midtown/downtown residents.

And let’s talk about parking. Dear lord, parking is a nightmare. And the need for parking, especially in downtown areas, takes away from space efficiency. Takes away from opportunities for those small businesses to occupy. Even a large park area needs almost as much area for parking. How is that a good thing?

All I’m saying is we should consider a project like public mass transit in the Atlanta area and NOT have ROI as the reason not to take it on. The city needs it. The residents need it. The environment needs it. Hell, the economy needs it.

Above all, though, the future of the city needs it.

Turns out, a hotel lobby on a Saturday morning is NOT a nice, quiet place to start the day.

It’s interesting because the large group of people gathered in the lobby are all of some kind of Asian descent. I’m sad to say I don’t know which one (although Chinese would be my guess). Anyway, given that I don’t understand what they’re saying to each other, it sounds just like a den of unrecognizable noise.

Sitting on a NY subway car, it hit me how lax we are at wearing masks in other parts of the country. Very much including Atlanta.

About 75% of this car is wearing a mask. I wonder if that’s because it’s a predominately Asian neighborhood. They precluded us Americans with mask wearing, even before COVID.

Spaces should be reserved in hell for people in the middle seat who shamelessly spread themselves out so much that the people on either side of them are uncomfortable. The ENTIRE flight.

Man-spreading? Check

Arms and elbows on both armrests? Check

Constantly shaking their head as they go in and out of consciousness.l? Check

Talking very loudly on the phone pre-flight? Check

Playing IG videos at top volume with NO headphones or earbuds? Check

The fucking worst…

I’ve followed Apple for quite a while now, and I know (ostensibly) why Apple does not allow user profiles on iOS devices. It’s supposed to be a more personal device. It’s supposed to serve as (one of) the hubs of your computing experience. Your data. Your apps. Your way, right away.

(Wait, no, that’s Burger King.)

Anyway, I’m visiting my parents for the next couple of days, and I was reminded that we hand our so-very-personal devices to our small(er) children to play games, or listen to music, or whatever will keep them calm as we wait for a table at a restaurant (for example). And we have no option but to unlock our own phone and hand it to them.

Hopefully, they don’t erase your notes. Or your pictures. Or find pictures you wouldn’t want them to find. Or lock you out of your own bank account with too many invalid passwords. There are endless, anxiety-inducing ways they could (accidentally) tap some things they shouldn’t.

To alleviate that possibility, I’m proposing the following:

• Anyone can attempt to authenticate on the device. If the ID is matched (both TouchID or FaceID work here), and that ID is not you, it simply shows the apps they have access to without unlocking the phone.

• The apps available to the non-owner user (them) are apps that the owner (you) has granted access. Only want to allow your kid access to educational apps? No problem.

• Diving deeper: The ID (I’m going to call them “profile"s from now on) can also have its own Apple ID attached to it. So that Notes and/or Photos (just for example) can show that profile’s user’s data and not the data associated with the owner.

For example, if your kid has access to Photos/Camera, they can take pictures all they want and those pictures are saved to their profile, and more importantly, their iCloud Photo Library, and not yours. Notes could work the same way.

• Diving even deeper: If space is a concern, the non-owner profiles can be limited to non-cached thumbnails and/or small versions of previously-taken images in Photos. Kind of like the shared albums do now, just without ever downloading the full image. In an Apple move, you could even have that feature set to “off” by default and have a setting buried deep for users who really want that feature.

There’s got to be a better way to “share” these devices with others and at the same time, protect your data and privacy.

Ford will lose $3 billion on electric vehicles in 2023, it says

I want to believe in electric vehicles. I really do. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t see the infrastructure keeping up with the momentum they want to sell the cars at.

Example: I would never own just an electric vehicle for my family. We drive too much. Gas is everywhere. Chargers are not. And even when they are, charging takes longer than the 4-5 min it takes to fill up my car with gas.

Does that make me a gas-guzzling, stereotypical American?

I guess it does.

I had to call Hyundai Finanxe earlier this afternoon, and was on hold for about 20 minutes. Literally, every 23 seconds (I counted), they would play an automated message basically apologizing for not being able to speak to a customer rep right away.

Great intent, but…

Please don’t do this every 23 seconds. Not if you’re going to keep me on hold for 20 minutes. It just (constantly) reminds me that I’m not being helped.

Listening to this episode of “Throughline”, I heard the following from Raymond Goldstein, a man who moved his family to a town just outside Harrisburg, PA in the mid 70’s, very close to Three Mile Island:

“Going back to Harrisburg was like going back in another time period, in another time where things were socially, culturally weighed different, or you might say, not as progressive.”

Hard not to hear that and assume he meant “safe and white”.

Sitting down to watch the Nth El Classico this year between Barcelona and Real Madrid with Caroline. Like most sports, it’s sad to know that the players on each side are temporary. When the marketing teams for all sporting clubs get the players to “rep” their team, it’s almost disingenuous.

It’s not their fault, necessarily. They play as a business, just like the owners and managers treat it as a business.

The wonder I had as a child when I thought David Justice or Tom Glavine would forever and always be a Brave is long gone.

So I sit here, as I sat last night watching Atlanta United, and witness the players pledge their allegiance to their team and their cities.

For now.

Last month, my family and I had the privilege of visiting Paris and London for about 9 days. It was a "let's go see some European soccer" kind of trip, but that's definitely not why you're reading this now.

No, the reason I'm engaging your eyes right now is that we rented a car for the first time (in my lifetime) in the UK and I drove us from London to Wrexham (that's just over the English border into Wales), back to Brighton (England), to Stonehenge, and then back to London over the course of 3-4 days. Now, I've never driven in the UK before, and the "wrong side of the street" situation was nerve-racking, to be sure.

Then came a charge on my credit card that popped up on my phone a couple of days ago. It was from SixT UK (the company I rented the car from), and it was for about $158. Not knowing why they'd charged (several weeks after returning to the United States), I opened my email to discover this:

Ok...90 GBP penalty and 40 GBP for the "admin fee". Bollocks.

What is a congestion charge (as it relates to London)? A bit of Googling brought me to this site. Apparently, there is a zone in London that charges you a daily amount for driving inside it during a certain period of time during certain days of the week. It's to prevent pollution. I get it. It's harsh, but I understand it. L.A. should look into this, just saying.

Anyway, not being from London (or the UK), I didn't automatically know this. How would I? (I'm a dumb American, right?) So, I contacted SixT and asked them why I wasn't made aware of this congestion charge when I picked up the car. Not being made aware of it, I asked that they refund the 130 GPB (roughly the $158 I was charged). In no uncertain terms, they called me a uniformed American (at least they didn't use "dumb"?) and told me I could go pound the nearest sand I could find.

This made me angry.

Now, I can understand the plight of the company. They don't control local laws where they operate. They have to abide by them, and function (hopefully, profitably) inside parameters not controlled by them. I get all of that, I really do. I work for a Home Depot service provider. We have to operate within limits and regulations, and sometimes that is a true pain.

What's even more guiding is that they knew this was a potential issue. In London. Study the line item detail of the charges below, and you will see that they charged me (the customer) the 15 GPB for the FIRST day of my rental. 

So this leads me to my main question for this post…

What happened to customer service?

When I contacted SixT, instead of coming back with what they said, they could have offered me several different options instead of the "piss off" answer I got. I'll run through some of them here:

1) Offer me (the customer) sincere apologies for the inconvenience and charges, point me to the rules and regulations they have set forth, and (even if untrue) recognize the need to prompt future travelers (especially ones coming from outside the UK, much less London itself) that there are specific penalties regarding X, Y, or Z.

2) #1 above and offer to refund the 40 GBP "admin fee" for the recognition that the local associate probably should have made me aware of the potential penalties.

3) #1 above and offered to refund me 115 GPB (130 - 15 "normal" daily fee), recognizing that IF they had offered to charge me the 15 GBP at the time of rental for the return of the car, I would have taken it (knowing the potential 130 GBP penalty fee).

4) #1 above and offered me a (one-time) full refund with apologies for not providing the simple service of letting me know of the local regulations and the potential local charges and/or fees associated with violating them.

But they didn't do any of that. They simply sneered at me and wrote me off. Preferring to lose me as a customer than try and either explain (with empathy) and/or make it “right”.

Having done neither of those, they succeeded in writing off my future business.

A good point made by Michael Podhorzer on this week’s “Amicus” podcast from Slate. There have been startling few repercussions for elected officials who supported the January 6th insurrection. Even the man who urged it on is running for President (again) and is currently the front-runner for the Republican Party.

There has been no learning here. There is no victory for democracy here. People have been driven to not caring about facts and/or objectivity. It is this or it is that. There is no gray.

We are no better today than we were on 1/5/2021. We have learned nothing from this.

I was listening to Garth Brooks’ 1992 hit “We Shall Be Free” this morning with Brian. I was struck by some of the lyrics, coming from a country singer, singing to a country audience (presumably conservative-leaning):

*When the last child cries for a crust of bread, When the last man dies for just words that he said, When there’s shelter over the poorest head, We shall be free.

When the last thing we notice is the color of the skin, And the first thing we look for is the beauty within; When the skies and the oceans are clean again, Then we shall be free.

When we’re free to love anyone we choose, When this world’s big enough for all different views, When we all can worship from our own kind of pew, Then we shall be free.

And when money talks for the very last time, And nobody walks a step behind; When there’s only one race, And that’s mankind, then we shall be free.*

An extremely progressive set of outlined goals that we have actually gone backwards on as a country. Not necessarily in our actual beliefs, but certainly legislatively and from an idea of holistic justice.

It’s really sad to think about, actually. How did we get to a place where we are so damn fearful of change? Of change for all people?

I’m sitting here having my morning cappuccino and Cinny Sug Toast (no judgement!).

Anyway, I’m watching two gentlemen have their own coffee as they discuss Bible passages. I can’t hear specifically what they’re saying, but I am genuinely curious what they talk about.

I guess I’ve always looked at reading the Bible as a personal thing. But here they are. Hard (for me) to imagine how they relate things they’re reading about to what might be happening in the life in front of them.

Definitely something you don’t see at home in the States. A matchmaking show (if you will) where contestants start off naked. Literally. The show’s tagline: “The daring dating series that starts where some good dates might end - naked”.

I was watching this last night in shock. A guy evaluates 5 women based on physical characteristics that he can see fully naked. (We’re talking full on everything from the shoulders down, front and back.) Through each round, he eliminates women until it’s down to 2, and then he gets naked and asks each of them to rate him.

In the end, he chooses the one he likes the most and they go out on a date. Now, maybe the reverse of that is true as well, I don’t know. Only watched one episode. But it was wild, and utterly unexpected.

Also of note: it’s been on the air in England since 2016.

Jayme and I have been watching Hulu’s “Fleishman is in Trouble”. What you think is a story about the brutal reality of middle aged divorce is actually something more once you arrive deeper in the series. It’s actually about perspective. A true “he said, she said” that will have you questioning not only the character’s sense of what is true and what is not, but “truths” you may have missed in your own life.

Another reminder that life is not black and white. It is utterly gray.

…and still counting!

You can't make this shit up...

Some Texas schools may call slavery ‘involuntary relocation’

I know this is not the same thing as the gun debate or the abortion debate, and that education has a long history of the local vs. non-local back-and-forth. But come on, this is what we're going to teach the students in the second largest state in this country**? That slavery is not really slavery. It's "involuntary relocation"? Are you fucking kidding me?

Part of the proposed draft standards obtained by The Texas Tribune say students should “compare journeys to America, including voluntary Irish immigration and involuntary relocation of African people during colonial times.”

https://apnews.com/article/texas-education-slavery-fort-worth-government-and-politics-b081853905b9c871a90dafc918a17143

This is the thinking behind "the states should decide" what our culture is and what we stand for?

We're ok teaching our children school shooter drills because we're too chicken-shit to enact realistic gun control and/or regulations, but god forbid we allow those same children to hear the word "slavery" because they're such delicate flowers?

Where are we as a country? Where are we as a people? Honestly.

** In fact, Alaska is the largest state in the United States by landmass. It's also second to California in terms of population. (https://www.ipl.org/div/stateknow/popchart.html)

Since the Dobbs ruling came down a week ago, I've been searching for a legal reasoning and understanding of how the overturning of a 50-year old precedent could happen. I finally found one:

Even after the history and explanation, I'm still left with the question (that is actually discussed in the video) of how did 5-6 people decide to overturn a precedent simply because they didn't like it. In the end, they basically ruled that the original cases were simply "egregiously wrong", in their opinion. In other words, 6 individuals (5 men, 1 woman) just told ~166 million Americans that they have to rely on their state not to prosecute them for murder if they need an abortion.

And why? Because those 6 people felt like it.

I have had so many reactions to the past 7-10 days that I would ramble, almost incoherently, to the point that I would talk myself into madness. Just ask my family. They’ll tell you.

That’s why I’m so glad we have writers like Barantunde Thurston, which can write so eloquently as the voice of calm and reason about a subject that produces such extreme reactions. The below is from a series of tweets he posted in the aftermath of the overturning of Roe v. Wade by the United States Supreme Court. I pasted them together, so you (and I) could read them in a more prose-friendly format. It helps to bring his points into full clarity. 

I implore you to read it, whichever side of this issue you’re on. 

It’s not just the removal of federally-protected abortion rights that so bothers me. It’s also the justification that Justice Alito used in his opinion. In short, Alito cited the absence of abortion rights in our Constitution, written during a time when women were essentially considered property, to support the removal of abortion rights and bodily autonomy to women in the future.

Oh, the perverse circularity of this! There’s a lot we take as sacred and protected that’s not in the Constitution: Black folks as full persons, the filibuster, and cheap access to infinite internet video come to mind.

Alito’s flawed reasoning here is not unlike the tech algorithms building our future on datasets mined from our unjust past. I’m reminded, for example, of when Amazon experimented with using A.I. to screen job applicants. The algorithm looked backward to determine which traits appeared to make for a successful Amazon employee, and then filtered applicants based on those characteristics. The problem was, of course, that historically only men held those jobs at the company, so the algorithm filtered out women. Amazon automated sexism! The highly-educated legal mind of Alito has made a similar choice.

As Jill Leporte put in @NewYorker, “Alito, shocked-shocked-to discover so little in the law books of the 1860s guaranteeing a right to abortion, has missed the point: hardly anything in the law books of the 1860s guaranteed women anything. B/c, usually, they still weren’t “persons”.

History can be a guide, but it's also HISTORY for a reason—especially so in a society predicated on growth, progress, & expansion of liberty. If we can’t find liberty for certain people in the past, according to Alito, there’s no reason to find liberty for them in the future. So, let’s send Black folks back to the fields, children back to the mines, LGBTQ+ people back to the closet! What is the point of this country, of innovation, if we are so committed to the past that we use it not as a foundation to build upon, but as a prison to hold us back?

Alito seems particularly proud of himself when he writes that this decision “allows women on both sides of the abortion issue to seek to affect the legislative process by influencing public opinion, lobbying legislators, voting, and running for office.”

I heard Senator Ted Cruz saying something similar on the Sunday talk shows: “the result is not that abortion is illegal across the country. The result is that it’s up to the people, that it’s up to democracy.” Aye, there’s the rub. DEMOCRACY. This would be great if we lived in a functioning democracy. But if we lived in a functioning democracy, then the existing will of the people, those 72 percent who say a woman should govern her own body, would be respected. If we lived in a functioning democracy, the Republican Party would distance itself from the conspiratorial and lunatic rantings of a former president who refuses to accept his electoral defeat. That party would loudly decry, rather than co-sign, insurrection. That party would expand, not curtail, voting rights, because it would be eager to compete for the opportunity to represent the people. It wouldn’t spend its resources empowering party hacks to commandeer election infrastructure in order to overturn the will of future voters.

And a number of conservative justices who said during their confirmations that Roe was settled wouldn’t be voting to overturn it decades later once they achieved a majority.

(It's funny Clarence Thomas thinks the leaking of this decision destroyed the credibility of the Court. No. Judges LYING about their intentions destroyed the credibility of this Court. Why should any of us honor any rule or law or commitment after this?)

Anyway...

We don’t live in a democratic America. We live in an America in which Mitch McConnell stole a decisive SCOTUS seat from Barack Obama; in which the Electoral College still delivers on its foundational promise to disproportionally favor rural (then Southern slave-holding) states. We live in a system of minority rule where the will of the people is poorly represented by the decisions of our politicians. When Senator Cruz says, “the people” get to decide, he means people who agree with him in a system rigged to advantage those people. That is not democracy.

For all the rantings of people like Cruz and the extremists who stormed the Capitol about living under tyranny, losing their rights, and not having a voice, I can’t point to any rights that conservative white men have lost. They now have to compete in ways they didn’t have to historically, but they have more guns than ever; they dominate our politics; and too often, their minority view is our reality. Yet the majority who voted for Al Gore, Hillary Clinton, who voted for Obama & his nomination of Merrick Garland, who voted for Biden & Build Back Better, aren’t getting what we voted for.

The people who have actually lost rights these past few decades in America are non-white immigrants, Black voters, and women.

Given the stolen SCOTUS seat, increasingly misrepresentative nature of the Senate that confirms these positions, and the increasing detachment of the popular vote from presidential election outcomes, one can legitimately argue that this current Supreme Court lacks legitimacy. The current SCOTUS configuration is a result of the SUPPRESSION of the people’s will, not its expression.

We have been here before. I’m struck by the fact that we often refer to ourselves in the United States as the world’s longest-running democracy, but for most of our history, most of our people weren’t allowed to participate, so we weren’t really a democracy for all. Based on my definition, if you’re not a democracy for everyone, you’re not a democracy. When we abolished slavery, we briefly experienced Reconstruction, before welcoming Jim Crow. White women got the right to vote in 1920 and all women had their voting rights federally guaranteed only by the 1965 Voting Rights Act. The government used to violently put down efforts to organize labor. I could go on. The point is we kept pushing. We adapted. People who on the surface weren’t directly affected by the problems joined and helped.

White Northerners joined freedom rides because they felt held captive by a system which would keep their fellow humans un-free. Men joined with women in a demand for equal rights even though we’ve so far failed to amend the Constitution to fully codify that equality. People organized, in the streets and at work. Just as so many women who know the pain of childbirth, or child loss, have used that pain to fight for a better world, so too must the rest of us recommit to turning the promise of America into practice at this painful moment.

That means we must invest real energy on the ground and in the states. We need to support organizations like @ARC_Southeast and @LaFronteraFund which are helping women fight for reproductive justice with education, financial assistance, advocacy and more, and we should do the same in liberal-led states who will face increased demand from health care refugees living in conservative-led states.

We need to expand our focus from national debate and campaigns to those at the state and local level and invest in organizations and candidates who are going to do a better job of representing the will of the people and stop our slide into minority rule.

We need to remember that people who think decisions about continuing or ending a pregnancy should be made by the person who is pregnant are an overwhelming majority. I repeat. WE ARE THE MAJORITY. We need to start acting like it.

And we need to acknowledge, as my colleague @PeterHamby wrote, that this theocratic backsliding was the result of a 40-year, determined, and comprehensive strategy by a passionate right wing minority that did far more than text its base demanding $15 for the upcoming midterms.

We need to do all this with passion and ferocity, but we don’t need liberal extremists to balance out conservative extremists. We need to state clearly that our goal is not simply to preserve life, but the entire trifecta of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

We need to ask women and parents what they need to achieve that, and then provide it. We know some of the answers already: paid leave, childcare, livable wages, maybe getting lead out of the water.

Pew found that while a majority of Americans think stricter abortion restrictions will limit the number of abortions, even larger majorities think a better way to reduce the number of abortions is to expand sex education and increase support for pregnant women and parents.

The American people actually kind of get it. It’s the political leadership and the system that produces it that have gone rogue.

Finally, we need to acknowledge that this issue is not simple and that morality and legality are different things. From my reading of the Pew Research, even those strongly opposed to abortion on a moral basis don’t believe it should be illegal in most cases. I know women who’ve had abortions, and I can attest to the seriousness with which they’ve made that decision. It’s often emotional and difficult and painful, but it’s also something they deemed necessary. Most people don’t want to be in a position to have to choose an abortion. For some women, abortion is the only way to save their lives, and the new wave of incoming restrictions will bring new stresses and new threats.

As a friend of mine and mother of three recently told me, “Suddenly planning for my children’s future is not about saving for college—it’s finding ways to protect them from being thrown in jail for having a miscarriage.” We should not criminalize women or further isolate them. We need to trust women and close that gap between the practice and promise of this country on our path to liberty and justice for all. I think we can. I believe we must. I know it will be hard.

We will probably have to shut this entire system down in order to rebuild it on true principles of liberty, justice, and collective self love. It's clear to me things are falling apart, and what we know is coming to an end. That is terrifying, and the collapse of trust and institutions will hurt many vulnerable people. However, endings are also beginnings. And I hope we use the moment to create something worthy. In this horrific moment of multiple crises colliding, I remember @valariekaur and her call for Revolutionary Love. "Maybe the darkness we feel is not the darkness of the tomb but the darkness of the womb. Maybe America isn't dying, but being born." Maybe it's both.

End 🧵 for now. But also beginning.

It’s been a rough several days. I found myself driving up to NC this evening, and noticed a really pretty sunset to the left of me as I drove down the road. It’s a quick shot, but as the sun sunk lower and lower, the sky turned a deeper pink and purple.

I sighed out loud. Not really a sigh. More of an exhalation. Letting some of the things go and begin the rest up for the long-term fight.

You’ll probably read about some of those things here over the next couple of days. But not tonight.

Tonight, I’m exhaling.

I appreciate good sarcasm. And I’m with Aaron here. Why is it such a “they got something that I didn’t!!” kind of thing?

I don’t like student loan debt. Believe, I’ve had my own, and I was able to pay them off. I was lucky in that respect. But I don’t begrudge someone who might be able to have them forgiven. Or at least part of them. Good for them!

Maybe they can start their life/career/whatever with just a little bit less stress. That’s a GOOD thing.

In the realm of the weird, there's this story.

I have no words.

But in the case of a Missouri woman who said she caught a sexually transmitted disease after having sex in the car of a Geico member, the state’s appeals court ruled this week that the insurance company needed to do more — and now potentially owes her millions of dollars.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2022/06/09/geico-std-car-sex-missouri-insurance/

Umm, how exactly are they supposed to "do more"? What does that entail? Do you have to sit through a mandatory sex ed class to receive car insurance?

I get the notion of injury protection re: the insurance policy. But come on, car insurance is meant for car / vehicle operation-based injuries. Everyone knows this. This is not a secret.

Again, come on.

In Atlanta United’s most recent home game against Columbus Crew, something happened in the final moments of the game that led to two yellow cards (Crew defender and Atlanta striker) and one red card (Atlanta’s head coach). In my opinion, this “gamesmanship” event does not need to continue to happen in professional soccer. And it shouldn’t.

Down 0-2 in the first of 5 minutes of stoppage play, Atlanta’s Dom Dwyer scored on a miraculous bicycle kick. Under an obvious time crunch, Dwyer wanted to retrieve the ball from the back of the net. United had the momentum, and wanted to restart play as quickly as possible. But Columbus’ defender picked up the ball and refused to give it to the waiting Dwyer. Dwyer retaliated and began pushing the defender to the back of the net, while at the same time grabbing for the ball as much as he could.

The picking-up-and-holding-the-ball-to-waste trick is not new or unique to soccer, the MLS, or the Columbus Crew. It seems to be accepted in all levels of the game. And it’s maddeningly frustrating to the team and fans of the team that is running out of time. And it’s a beautiful thing for the team and fans that are up and looking to run out the clock.

Personally, I think this type of tactic is tacky, and should be beneath the game. I'm probably viewed as a naive purist when it comes to this stance. I happen to think a lot of the tactics that players use to waste time near the end of the game really takes away from the competition.

Putting those aside, though, I’d like to make a suggestion to remedy this particular tacky tactic. (In case you were wondering, I’m not proud of the “tacky tactic” alliteration.)

1. When a goal is scored, an official ball person rolls a new ball to the center line for the ensuing kickoff.
2. If the previous ball is “held”, or not put out of play in a timely manner, an automatic yellow card is given to the keeper.
3. If the referee deems this action as intentional, the automatic yellow changes to an automatic red card on the keeper and the head coach.

My son thinks this proposal is too harsh, and I usually defer to his knowledge of the game. But in this case, I respectfully disagree with him. Much like the “professional” foul of a breaking player where the defender receives an automatic yellow card, this proposal discourages the practice. It also allows the referee to make a judgement call to truly punish a blatant abuse of it.

I think this proposal is rational and well thought out. But maybe readers, and long-time soccer (I mean football) fans, view that as my own naiveté.

Just because I needed something to make me smile today, a tweet that I came across this morning:

In the wake of tragedies, there is a human tendency to reflect and attempt to figure out the “how” and “why” of what happened. This recent shooting in Uvalde, TX is no different. For the past couple of days, though, that analysis has turned to one of “there is no need for further research. We know what the issue is.” And it’s true, we do.

So why do we keep re-living this mass shooting nightmare month after month, year after year?

I was unexpectedly struck by a special form of stupidity this morning over breakfast that may shed some light on how and why we keep going round and round on this issue.

I’m eating my Belgian waffle and bacon, sipping my coffee, and reading an interview with Josh Charles from Esquire. I overheard the following exchange between a table of old buddies (4 guys probably in their late 50’s/early 60’s) who seem to be meeting for their weekly or bimonthly breakfast.

“True statistic I heard yesterday. True statistic. Hammers kill more Americans than guns do. True story.”

Now, on the face of it, that seems insane. And to give one of the guys credit, he did say “that doesn’t sound right”. But the principal speaker kept going about how soft we all are. How kids aren’t brought up right to shoot. All of the things you’d expect from the pro-gun viewpoint.

The latter bullshit aside, I found it frustrating that none of them pulled out their phone to check this illogical statistic. So, I did.

The first link that Google produces from a “United States death by hammer” search is this one:

Number of murder victims in the United States in 2020, by weapon used

Turns out, this story is not a new one. A Rolling Stone article refutes a version of this brought up by GOP Congresswoman Lauren Boebert when she said the same thing in early 2021. And proving that this is not a recent situation, Greg Abbott, then Attorney General of Texas, now Governor presiding over the shooting days ago, said a version of the same thing in 2013. (Of course, this was in reaction to President Obama’s call for a Texas to enact stricter control laws. You know, because god forbid we try to protect people.)

There’s even a Quora post on the same topic, entitled "Is it true that more people are murdered with hammers than guns in the US?" The responders in this thread correctly spell out the distinction between the generic use of the word "guns" versus the use of the word "rifles". Let's just state up front that rifles ARE guns, and move on with the full knowledge that individuals who decide to utilize this particular word parsing technique are sidestepping the larger issue. I'm looking at you, Governor Abbott.

And if you want hard statistics, the CDC has statistics (with sourcing) has those, too:

I say all of this to point out that this is how forward progress comes to a screeching halt. These utterly illogical “facts” get strewn about Fox News and/or conservative radio/websites. And the consumers of those outlets believe it. Whole cloth. Despite the fact that any one of us can simply do a quick Google search and disprove the statement.

Yet, they don’t. 

Why?

Do they just not want to face the truth? They want to believe in their own viewpoint that much that even when confronted with the truth, it still doesn’t matter?

I’m left with the hard truth that their answer is “yes”. I mean, they still believe the 2020 election was falsified. And it doesn’t seem anyone can convince them on that truth, either.

https://apnews.com/article/politics-texas-gun-violence-el-paso-mass-shooting-44a7cfb990feaa6ffe482483df6e4683

19 children will not get up today to go to school. 2 adults will not get up today to go to work. Their parents, their children, their family, their friends will never see them again. Why? Because they were gunned down. Again. By someone with open access to gun(s). Again.

When will it be enough?

Those are just the worst of them. The ones with the most deaths. The ones that bring national headlines. There have been so many more. So many more that we have just become numb.

It doesn't have to be like this. We don't have to celebrate an artifact of killing. Why we hold guns to such a high degree is beyond me. The 2nd Amendment was never intended to support this type of violence and suffering. At the very least, can't we all get on the same page about protecting children who are literally in school?

This should not be a political argument. This should not be a left vs. right argument. This should be a human rights argument. This should be a freedom to live argument.

I'm tired of the excuses. I'm tired of the "thoughts and prayers". I'm tired of the "sport" argument.

I'm just tired of it. And you should be, too.

The recent news surrounding the leaked draft from the Supreme Court purportedly overturning Roe vs. Wade has brought the topic of abortion front and center once again.

A Twitter user named Jenn Lyons (@jennlyonsauthor) posted a series of tweets last week that told the story of an enlightening abortion story that really puts the gray back in the divisive black and white view. I'm going to share her story here, in a much more easily readable format than Twitter threads:

------

A few years back, I met back up with a childhood friend. We'd both been raised Christian, but I was still surprised that she'd doubled down on that. But it was fine. Her choice; I respected that. Then we started talking about abortion.

She was a forced birther (no, I'm NOT going to call it anything else) and it was clear that she was passionate about her beliefs and she allowed that cases of incest or rape should be exceptions. But I asked her if she knew anyone who'd had an abortion. She said no.

No, I told her, you're wrong. You do know someone. Because my mother had an abortion when I was thirteen. My friend was horrified. This was indeed someone she knew, since my friend and had been inseparable, and if I wasn't at her apartment, she was at mine.

I told her the truth: my mother had realized she was pregnant--by my stepfather, her husband, the man she was preparing to divorce. He'd always been abusive, but as I'd grown older, he'd started directing that violence toward me. That had been where my mother drew the line.

My mother was afraid of this man, not without cause. I still remember the day he was served the divorce papers and my mother and I had to sneak out the back and hide in the empty apartment down the hall overnight until we could escape and stay at a friend's.

Tell me, I said, a scenario where my mother, already the sole support of the house (he was disabled from years of fiberglass work) was supposed to escape that man after she'd had his baby? Tell me how we were supposed to survive her taking the time off?

She was in her forties, so it was unlikely there wouldn't be health issues, and giving a baby up for adoption without her legally married husband's permission was not happening. If my mother had been forced to give birth, I told my friend, the results would've been terrible.

My stepfather was a violent man. I can't know for sure how bad it would've gotten, but I have no reason to think he wasn't capable of killing one or both of us. Instead, my mother was able to escape him, get help, start over.

But tell me, I asked my friend: “What anti-abortion law, even the nice polite ones that allow for abortion in cases of rape or incest, would allow a married woman to have an abortion without her husband's permission?”

My friend was very quiet. She'd known my stepfather, you see. It wasn't difficult to imagine.

And she didn't have an answer. She'd known how poor we were. She'd known my mother was working as a housekeeper. Suddenly the abstract idea of the sort of woman who'd get an abortion smacked against reality. How the situation would've looked on paper versus our lived experience.

She couldn't tell me it was the wrong decision, just that she wished it could've worked out differently. Believe me, my mother wished that too. And I'm talking about this because we HAVE to talk about this. We have to share these stories.

We cannot let the narrative be controlled by people claiming that abortions are murder. (I promise you that my mother's abortion at 12 weeks doesn't qualify.) I very much doubt that I'm the only person out there whose life was likely saved because my mother had this option.

But we aren't supposed to talk about it. And right now, with talk about retroactively pressing charges, they clearly don't want us to. But my mother has since passed away, so good luck with that: I'm going to talk about it.

I don't know that I convinced my friend. I'm sure the answer is 'no' but it's my hope that she will at least think twice before making blanket statements about the immorality of personal decisions. They are personal for a reason. (And yes, btw, my mother was on the pill).

My mother's story had a happy ending--but only because abortion was legal and accessible. If she'd had to drive to another state because all the clinics were closed? If it had been illegal past 6 weeks? This is why politicians shouldn't be allowed to legislate our bodies. /End

----------

Hoping readers of this story will open their minds and consider other views may be too much to ask. But as Jenn said, it's important to get these kinds of stories out there to show there are many, many shades of gray associated with this topic.

P.S. After this series of tweets started to become popular, Jenn felt she had to post this:

While I'm happy this thread has gone viral, for my own sanity, I'm going to have to mute this now. This fight needs everyone's help. abortionfunds.org/funds has a list of places that could use your donation.

Please consider helping.

When my trainer said we had to work on my food intake, my immediate thought was what I'd have to give up. My Zaxby's #1 meal, near and dear to my heart. But what we were actually talking about was moderation. And what's the opposite of chicken tenders and French fries? That's right: salad.

I like salad, don't get me wrong, but modifying my lunch-eating habits was going to take some getting used to. Luckily, I know how to make a good salad. So I set up a plan to make 3 salads for myself (replacing 3 eating out lunch meals) per week. I can do that. (And then, eventually, Jayme asked me to make her 3 salads for the week, too.)

So I thought I'd document what I make and how I make them.

With the salads done, it’s now time for dessert:

Et voila! There’s my lunch prep instructions for the week.

Feel free to take and customize!

…and many more to go!

I look relaxed in this picture. That’s not only good, it’s great!

…or is there serious risk of not understanding these bathroom symbols? It’s always made me anxious. I always wonder if I’m going to miss something specific indicating men vs. women.

Luckily, these were pretty clear. But I’ve seen some where I have to sit there and study the differences in the two graphics or lettering. I shouldn’t have to study them so closely to be able to know which room I should go pee in.

Don’t even get me started when it’s overseas…

“Other people are not my problem”?

Wha?

So many times I hear people (trying desperately to be optimistic) say “People are inherently good.”

I’m not so sure.

As I was driving Brian to soccer training tonight, we started talking about what position in sports is the hardest. Obviously, my first question back to him was “what do you mean by hard, exactly?”

(For those of you who get this, ring your 🛎 now!)

That can certainly be debated, but that’s not the point of this particular story. The subject got me thinking of the subjectivity of all thinking behind sports and how much they are loved or loathed, and why.

I gave Brian the example of how he and his sister don’t like going to baseball games. They think it’s boring and a waste of time. “Nothing happens”, I’ve heard them say. “They take too long between plays.” Honestly, they may be right on that last part. But whether they objectively do is beside the point. My kids don’t like it. Why?

I would would put forth the theory that they don’t watch baseball the same way I do. First of all, they don’t really understand the game. (Not blaming them, just saying.) And when you don’t understand the game, it’s easy to only see the surface of baseball. A bunch of guys on a field with gloves on their hands, waiting for another guy to throw the ball towards yet another guy who may or may not hit it with a bat. “How do they score a goal?”, they may ask. (And they have.)

They don’t see the strategy behind the game. The moves made and the future moves those moves set up for this batter or the guy 3 batters down the lineup. They don’t understand the importance of a 3-2 count with runners on base and 2 outs, and that a hit (NOT necessarily a home run) is all that’s needed to score some runs because the base runners can take off on the pitch instead of having to wait for the ball to be put in play. They will never understand why a batter is intentionally walked because the next guy is hitting .166 with runners in scoring position, versus the guy at the late who’s hitting .366.

Those concepts are lost on them because they only see the surface. I would argue the same is true for MANY people watching a soccer match. They literally see a bunch of guys on a field running around trying to get the ball while the other team plays keep-away with the ball. And maybe they score 1 goal between the two teams in the whole match. “Boring!!” “Where’s the scoring? Where’s the action?!”

And yet soccer fans can watch the same game and come away with “Brilliant!!”

The “Boring!!” people don’t see the strategy of through balls and having runners on the wing and waiting for the perfect passing situation to get it to them. The strategy of preferring players who can read positioning over pure speed when you’re talking about the prowess of a defender.

Again, they see the surface game.

And then we got to (American) football. What can I say? I like football (maybe not as much as I used to, but still).

Like it or not, football is universally agreed to be the most popular sport in America. Why is that?

My argument:

It’s a blend of the two sides I described above. The surface spectator can enjoy the short bursts of athleticism and excitement. And the deeper fan can understand and enjoy the same strategic moves. Neither party is lacking when watching the game, and neither side can look at the other side and say “you just don’t understand”.

Before you leave here thinking I’m promoting football as the best sport, I’m not. Not even close.

I actually believe it’s so popular because it fits in so perfectly with our absolute pathetic excuse for an attention span as a people here in 2021. Like I said, short bursts of excitement. Bursts of athleticism. That, oh by the way, may be the most dangerous major sport we have in the U.S.

Kind of like another extremely popular and yet toxic cultural phenomenon: Twitter.

There really should be ways to prosecute people like this.

Honestly…

This state...

And for what? Because we dared to elect two Democrats to the US Senate? For fuck sake, we can’t have that!

And one of them was black! 😱 I mean, what would Jesus think?

Because god forbid we give people water in line. How dare we?!?!

It’s pathetic, and we should all be ashamed. Especially the bigots who vote for this good ole boy legislature term after term after term. But we all know better. They have NO shame. That’s clear.

Update: Told you

Update 2:

I don’t understand marketing sometimes:

Does it matter that the bottle for the shampoo has a “new look”? Did they improve the product inside? Make it better?

No?

Then why do I care?

Editor’s note: I actually wrote this a while back, and thought I had published it. Apparently not. Doh!

I just learned the other day that Rush Limbaugh died recently. Honestly, I didn’t know until I heard about it on several podcasts. (I guess they really are my news source at this point.) And on both of the podcasts, they made an effort to reflect on his legacy, as it were.

Both acknowledged his skill as a broadcaster. As an entertainer. As a figure to be discussed and analyzed. And then went about describing the vile things that he did and said over the many years he was on the air.

I certainly understand the idea of recognizing the talent of a figure like Rush Limbaugh. To do what he did for that amount of time, it does take skill and talent. I can agree with that.

But...

He was mean. And hateful. And racist. And bigoted. And all of the vile things you could mention. All in the name of upholding an agenda of hatred, and racism, and misogyny. And so on. And so on. And so on.

I can recognize the talent, yes, but the evil that was inspired by his rhetoric and hateful speech FAR outweighs any recognition he deserves.

He belongs not even in the dust bin of history, but the shit can. “Legacy” should not apply to this man nor his career. If there were any justice in this world, 10 years from now, no one would remember his name.

And let that be his legacy.

So, this is happening.

I came home on Wednesday (2/3) evening, and went to get a quick snack (yogurt-covered raisins), and they tasted weird. Like, a bodily fluid taste weird. I mean, at least I could taste something. So, I knew it wasn’t COVID-related. But I thought it was odd, and kind of chalked it up to weird raisins or whatever. Ate dinner, did some work, went to bed. All good.

The next morning, I woke up and went to work. As the day progressed, I found that my eye felt irritated, and my mouth was not working properly. Specifically, I could feel it when I smiled. I took a picture that morning, and then repeated it in the afternoon. It started to look odd.

I got home, got dinner ordered for Caroline and I (Jayme and Brian had gone to soccer practice), and then started to panic bit. My speech was starting to become impaired. (Even more than it already is.) I decided to go to the Urgent Care facility to get it checked out. I mean, you hear slurred speech, and droopy mouth, and you think stroke.

Well, that was all I had to tell the Urgent Care person, who examined me for 3-5 minutes, and then said “yeah, you need a head CT to rule out stroke, and we don’t have that here. You’re going to need to go to the ER down the street.” Ok, off I went. And three hours later, I had my clean head CT, and a brand spanking new case of Bell’s Palsy.

(Note: the weird taste of the raisins was actually just my tongue being half-numb)

Sigh.

I didn’t know what Bell’s Palsy was, to be honest. I mean, I had heard the term before, but I had no basis for understanding. I started reading about it, and listened to the ER doc explain it to me. Apparently, it mimics some of the symptoms of a stroke, but it’s nowhere near as bad. It’s the inflammation of a nerve in your head caused by a latent viral infection (again, not COVID-related). The nerve that it hits is the one that branches out from the back of your ear, and controls the muscles in the side of your face. Mine happened to hit the left side of my face. And it's caused my eye not to close, and my mouth (and lips) to malfunction.

I’m here to tell you, it sucks.

I talk everyday with a friend of Jayme’s (see ** at end of post) who had this thing a couple of years ago. Everything she’s said has come true so far. It didn’t really hurt for the first week, but oh boy did it come with a vengeance this past weekend. I likened it to getting punched in the face repeatedly. The whole left side is tender, and feels swollen (even though it’s not). Yet, it sits there and aches.

How am I feeling?

I’m ok, I guess. I mean, it is what it is. There’s nothing to do but wait. It takes anti-viral medicine, steroids, and patience. All of which I have, but it is a roller coaster along the way.

Every time I smile, I am reminded of it.
Every time I try to drink, I'm reminded of it.
Speak.
Eat.
Brush my teeth.
Try to sleep on my left side.
Say any word that starts with an "f" or a "p".

And, just as a nice topper, it makes the stuttering even more pronounced. Fantastic.

Honestly, it really makes me feel like a freak. Like the Hunchback of Notre Dame or something. You have this notion of what you look like in your head, and it’s REALLY not that right now. My view of myself seems disjointed, misaligned. Not exactly good for a healthy self-image or self-esteem.

Having said that, everyone in my life has been extremely supportive. They’ve treated me with empathy and respect, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that.

It will get better. It will go away. It seems it's just a tiny little exercise in humility until then. 

** A very big and very special shout-out to Rachel Mountain. She's been my sherpa through this thing, as she has experienced it first-hand and knows the ups and downs that come with it. Not only has she treated me with kindness and compassion, but she has checked in on me most days, and her sincerity has really made me smile (even if half-cocked). Really appreciate it, Rachel!

What I wouldn’t give to be sitting in a sidewalk cafe in Paris, sipping a Cafe Americano or Cappuccino, watching the world go by.

And nothing on my agenda for the day except watching people and maybe reading a book in the morning sun.

The idea of not having a plan and just wandering.

I’ve been listening to podcasts for almost 20 years. In that time, I’ve grown to a certain level of comfort with the shows and hosts I listen to. They are now part of my life in a way.

One combination of hosts I’ve listened to for almost all of that time are Carl Franklin and (later) Richard Campbell of .NET Rocks fame. I don’t exactly remember when I started listening to .NET Rocks, but I do remember that podcast players were NOT even a thing at the time. Much less players on mobile phones. In fact, I think I used to listen to that podcast on my computer at work, which was my office at GTRI at the time.

As things have become more mobile with the advent of the iPod and iPhone, my library has only grown. I’d estimate I’m up to about 30-40 distinct podcasts that I listen to on a regular basis. Not that they all are “new” at the same time. In fact, some of them only release quarterly at this point. But some of them are weekly. And some are even every other day.

All of that to say I am really close to some of these hosts. I know, it’s weird to say that. They don’t know me at all. I am a listener, and that’s really it. Which is perfectly fine with me (and them). Still, if you think about it, they have been with me for longer than some of the people I talk with everyday. 

• The aforementioned Carl Franklin
• Jason Snell
• Myke Hurley
• Merlin Mann
• John Gruber
• Dan Benjamin
• Marco Arment
• John Siracusa
• Casey Liss
• Dan Moren
• Leo Laporte
• Alex Lindsey

I can go on and on. But I won’t bore you with shout-outs.

My main point is this, and not to get too morbid (sorry): What happens when these people are gone?

As I grow older, I continue to see people of my childhood and youth start to succumb to disease and old age. Granted, some of above that I listen to are younger than I am (a constant reminder of your own age and place in this world). But you get my point.

It’s a surreal feeling. What happens when Jason and Myke are no longer keeping me up-to-date on the Apple news of the day? What happens when John and Merlin are not trying to reconcile their differences? What happens when Leo is no longer there to push the idea of “net-casts”?

This will sound cliche, but I don’t care. These people are my (virtual) companions through life at this point. I know their voice like I know my own children’s voices. It’s going to be devastating (to a degree) when they are no longer there. It’s like the first time I heard Peter Jennings had passed away. Part of my childhood died with that man.

I guess this is my opportunity to thank each and every one of the people I listed above. You don’t do what you do to be a part of my life, necessarily. But part of my life, you are. And I appreciate it.

Soccer is not fair. It’s just not. Having watched many, many soccer games in my lifetime, I can tell you that with a pretty good amount of certainty.

Here’s just a taste of some of the things that one may find unfair:

• Players will foul an opposing player (on purpose).

• Players will run a bit up the sideline for a throw-in when they, you, and everyone else clearly saw the ball go out of bounds much farther back.

• Strikers will hang out offsides in the hope that referees miss it.

• Players will take the ball to the corner to waste time.

• Players will push. 

• Players will trip.

• Goalies will waste time because they can.

• Referees will miss calls.

• Referees will see plays differently than you.

• Referees will interpret a rule differently than you.

All of which leaves you, the fan or parent, utterly outraged at the injustice you are experiencing. There’s yelling, and fist-pounding, and screams of “How could they do that?” and “that cost us the game!”.

Yet, when the clock winds down, and the referee blows that whistle three times, we walk away. The players leave the field. The referees leave the field. And the spectators leave the stands. And life goes on.

Why do you think we do that?

Because we know that there is nothing we can (realistically) do about these perceived injustices. The officials have made (or not made) a call. It is their decision, and no one else’s. We don’t like it. We can’t believe we have to accept it. We probably even curse their names. But we do have to accept them.

Because these are the rules of the game.

They are clear and final.

And we must move on to the next game.

.

.

.

.

.

Now, imagine I’m not talking about a soccer game. Imagine I’m talking about an election.

Does that change your view?

I hope so.

“The American people should have a voice in the selection of their next Supreme Court Justice. Therefore, this vacancy should not be filled until we have a new president.”

- Mitch McConnell (2016)

Have you ever seen this Apple commercial from over 20 years ago?

www.youtube.com/watch

This ad was featured in Apple’s now-iconic “Think Different” campaign, and was conceived to convey the difference between the Mac product line and the regular, run-of-the-mill PC. Not paying attention to the industry at the time, I don’t what actual impact it made on selling computers, but it proved particularly poignant when Apple founder Steve Jobs died in 2011.

I never tire of watching that video. Its message is one we should all strive to embrace in our lives. It’s a classic “never give up” message, paired with all of the can’t-help-but-make-you smiles of the Goonies. Thumb your nose at the establishment! Run when everyone else walks! Stand out and change the world!

A message of hope. Even one of idealism. George McFly might as well be at the end telling Marty, “If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.”

But there is something that is lost in this message. Something that gets lost in this message. And I’m going to ask it here:

What about the quiet ones?

What about all of those people who are not comfortable standing out? What about those people that are insanely great behind the scenes? What about the people that just make things work? What about those that change the world, but quietly?

Yes, these people actually exist. They are all around you. You may not even know they’re there. And that’s kind of the point. They like it that way. They’re called introverts.

I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Lee Feagin, and I am a card-carrying introvert.

(Hard to believe, huh?)

It’s actually not. I mean, look at my career choice. A developer. Most developers are hard-core introverts! I was no different. Hell, I am still no different.

How do I know?

1. I am WAY more comfortable staying in my pajamas and knocking out some productive code than holding meetings.
2. I like to rent movies on iTunes at home rather than wade into the craziness of the movie theater.
3. Takeout is my friend.
4. I’ll text you all day. Or email. Phone calls are unnecessary.
5. Friday nights are easier on the couch.

Speaking for my people, we do not like to boast. We don’t shout things from the rooftops. We don’t accept praise…well. We’d rather deflect to (literally) anything else. We want to do our work, sometimes exceptional work, and then retreat into our own comforts. Knowing we have accomplished something great.

Yet, songs and movies and stories are written about the extroverts. Not us.

You may be thinking to yourself, “why would you want movies and songs and stories written about you? You don’t like attention. You just said that.”

And you’d be right. For the most part.

But here’s the thing. We are also human. Just like the extroverts. We need reassurance. We need to know we are doing well. We need to know we mean something. That we are making a difference. We need to know that we are appreciated.

And the catch-22 is that while want these things (just like everyone does), we are reticent to just tell you. We don’t like being a problem to solve. We stay silent.

Therefore, it is incumbent upon you to recognize it. To call it out. To make it a big deal. We don’t need movies made about us. Or songs written about us. Or stories told of us. We just need a “thank you” every now and then. A “really appreciate it!” from time to time.

Just don’t expect an elegant response. We’re not that practiced on appropriate responses.

Better yet, just text us. :)

The day after Thanksgiving last week, I was asked by my mother-in-law to drop by the grocery store and get some Cool-Whip. Brian (my son) really likes banana pudding, and she wanted to make him some for our leftovers meal. No problem, I can go get that. The closest grocery store was a Piggly Wiggly (yes, it’s actually called that), so I hopped in my car and drove down the street. After wandering around for a little bit, I finally found the tub and headed to the checkout lines.

When I got there, the lady in front of me was getting her things onto the belt to check out. She had her three younger kids with her (I’d say 3, 5, and 8 maybe), and they were testing her patience a bit. As a parent, you can always tell. But then, an amazing thing happened. She turned to the checkout lady and said, “I’ve got his Cool-Whip, too”. Not really understanding fully, I asked “Are you sure?”. She responded “It’s no problem at all. Please.” I didn’t exactly know how to act (or react), so I allowed the checkout lady to take the tub and scan it. As a small favor, I helped her bag the groceries. I mean, it was the least I could do. As we walked out, I told her thank you again and said, “Happy Thanksgiving”.

I drove back to my mother-in-law’s house and relayed what had happened at the grocery store. She lit up (as she does) and said “Oh my goodness, that’s so nice. She was definitely in the spirit.” I agreed with her and we turned to do other things. But then I heard her say from behind me, “Now you pay it forward.”

That was last week. And I still haven’t forgotten that lady’s generosity. I just got back from lunch today, where it was relatively slow. I was able to take notice of each and every customer/group that came in. As I was finishing my own lunch, I saw one particular group of 3. They were all serving in the U.S. military (Sorry, I don’t know how to tell by their uniforms), and suddenly my mother-in-law’s words came back to me. I know what I was going to do.

I called the waitress over and asked for her help in paying for their meal. I didn’t specifically want them to know it was me, so I had waited until they had ordered everything. She brought the bill, I signed off, and I was good to go. They wouldn’t have any idea. They’d just know someone had paid for their meal. It was my own “thank you” to them for their service.

And I have to tell you, it felt wonderful.

So much so that it left a smile on my face as I walked out. The hostess said “have a nice day” as I opened the door to walk out of the restaurant, and I returned the favor. Mission accomplished.

I got halfway to my car and I heard someone behind me say “Sir? Sir?” I turned around to see if they were talking to me. He was. One of the 3 had walked outside to flag me down. One of the others was standing next to the held-open front door. Her hands were resting over her heart. The gentleman who had flagged me down was almost running toward me at this point. He got to me and pulled me into an enormous hug. “Thank you"s and “That was very kind of you. So very kind!“s fell from his lips as he hugged me.

It was one of the best feelings in the world. True appreciation.

As I hugged him back, I said “thank you” right back to him. And when we finally let go of each other, I held my own hands over my heart and mouthed “thank you” to the lady at the door. True appreciation right back to them.

Never miss your opportunity to pay it forward. You will be rewarded more than you know.

I recently watched the pilot of Aaron Sorkin’s 2012 behind-the-scenes cable news program The Newsroom. As pilots go, it ranks among the best I’ve seen. (Granted, it’s a Sorkin drama, so there may be a bit of bias there.) Regardless, the show opens with one of the most hit-you-in-the-face rants I’ve ever seen on television:

But the takeaway for me was not the “America isn’t the greatest country in the world” thing. It was about intelligence, and its denigration. If you missed it, the line I’m referring to is:

"We aspired to intelligence. We didn't belittle it. It didn't make us feel inferior."

It goes farther down, though. It goes to everyday life. I see it in my daughter’s relationship with school and her school work. She would belittle her responsibilities and/or her intelligence about a particular subject because she thought she wasn’t supposed to be smart. She wanted to “fit in”, and she believed that fitting in was to be less intelligent and less caring.

She cares about her grades and getting her assignments finished and turned in. Yet, she jokes with her friends “I didn’t feel like doing that thing, I didn’t care”. She absolutely cares. And when the friends go home, and the social pressures go away, she toils in her room to get everything done.

AND THAT’S OKAY. It’s actually better than okay. It’s good. It’s called being responsible.

I would routinely hear her talk amongst her friends and describe herself as not understanding something in class and laughing it off as if it were no big deal, when she absolutely understood it. She knew the subject matter, but didn’t want to show it because she thought it would make her look “uncool” or “nerdy”.

And that makes me sad and angry and confused all at the same time. Why does one person’s intelligence make others feel inferior? Because that’s what this boils down to. The reaction of the “other” is to belittle. And it works. It’s powerful and it works. My daughter is lucky in that she has parents like Jayme and I to fight that viewpoint. But others may not be as lucky. Kids are especially vulnerable to this. They may not have that support system in their lives.

Encourage your kids. Encourage your friends. Encourage your co-workers. Encourage your fellow man, for goodness sake. Intelligence is a virtue. Treat it as such.

So, one of my resolutions was to cut back on one of my favorite things in the world, Coke. It is my vice, yes, but it is so good. Well, I don’t think I’m going to have much of a choice at this point. Let me explain.

Last spring (I can’t seem to pinpoint exactly when), I started experiencing serious headaches. Like not just passing things, but ones that made me hurt getting up from a chair. Thinking they were just diet-related, or exercise-related, or even environment-related (on a trip to Colorado), I fought through it a bit before seeking some medical attention. When they didn’t go away by themselves, I went to see my normal doctor, an ENT, and even a neurologist. Lots of tests, two MRI’s (a third one ordered), and two pairs of reading glasses later, we finally found a preventative medicine that seems to work pretty well.

Yay, right? Pretty good outcome, if not a bit lengthy.

Well…

I started noticing about 10 days ago that my drinks were tasting funny. Not all drinks. Not water. Not coffee. Not even cocktails. No, only carbonated drinks. Most especially, my beloved Cokes. They don’t taste like the nectar from the gods like I’m used to. No, no. Now, they just taste like a syrupy mess.

And it’s an unbelievable letdown for me. (I was going to say it’s ****ing me off, but I thought I’d try to practice a little restraint :) )

Sigh…

• Simplify, Simplify, Simplify: In a continued effort to not drive myself crazy trying to do everything, or try to complicate everything, it's time to really take a step back and evaluate what I should be doing every day with my time and effort. Where am I best deployed? What could I be doing right now to help further X, Y, or Z? More importantly, what should I NOT be doing? Simplify everything. Professionally. Personally. All over.
• Less Cokes: These things are my vice, I admit it. They are so good. And yet they are so bad for you (and by you, I mean me). I can't go cold turkey, I know that. But I can cut back. And that's what I'm going to do.
• Less Cursing: It's interesting, we've been working on image at work. I've cleaned my act up a lot over the past couple of years. I will say that cursing is the last vestige of college that still exists in my repertoire. In an effort to do my part, I will make the attempt. But it also starts at home. I can't succeed by simply removing that notion at work. It's got to become part of my routine. And it can only help at home as well.
• More Writing: I miss writing. Back to the first resolution above, I've been so busy at being busy. And I've let writing slip. Renewed commitment. Starting here and now. Boom. Done.

Ironically, the very same road I drive down to take Brian and Lucas to school has a large, brick mailbox that has its 4-digit street address arranged in a square pattern. I would have commented on it to Brian himself, but it’s going the other way away from the school. So, no one’s in the car with me when I pass it. (Of course, that didn’t stop me from commenting on it to no one in particular.)

This mailbox’s numeric address is supposed to be 1624. But that’s not obvious, nor is it easy to decipher. The numbers are stacked like this:

1 6

2 4

So, is that 1624 or 1264 or 1246? I have no idea in the quick second I glance at it. Now, I know it because of context clues, like the house before and the house after it. But isn’t the entire purpose of the number on the mailbox to make it easier to find the house in question quickly?

I even noticed this at Starbucks recently. This is a picture from the coffee Caroline got on Saturday morning:

I’m assuming it’s supposed to be 1971 because 1791 or 1719 wouldn’t make much sense. But I don’t know that right off hand. The only context clue I have is that I’m pretty sure Starbucks was not around in 1791 or 1719. In fact, Washington state wasn’t even Washington state back then (that happened in 1889, if you were wondering).

But why make this difficult? To be cutesy? To be designer-y? To me, it just makes the user experience that much more difficult. And that defeats the purpose. Boo :(

When I take Brian and his friend Lucas to school in the morning, we drive by a very large political yard sign for a Republican candidate for the Georgia House of Representatives named Matt Bentley. In and of itself, this is not that unusual. There are signs on most every yard on this particular road. And yes, the vast majority of them are for Republicans of some sort. It’s certainly the neighborhood for it.

What was remarkable about this one was the blatant use of the image on the sign. The picture is of the aforementioned Matt Bentley and his wife and infant baby girl. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the picture. In fact, it’s a very good picture, and one they probably proudly hang in their own living room. But there’s something about the picture being used how it’s being used.

In what way does the idea that he has a wife and baby girl translate to his possible success in the Georgia House? The little baby is cute and the wife is attractive. Ok, I’ll give you that. But even that is not what the actual picture is about. It’s meant to play off of the “family” nature of this particular man. The “family values” vote is what’s being targeted here, I’m sure.

But, is that qualification enough? What are his motivations? What’s his platform? What does he believe in?

(Oh there they are, hidden in the darkness of the black couch: “Lower taxes”, “Less government”, and “More Jobs”. Really checking off the Republican talking points on that one, huh?)

Does anyone care about those things? Or is it simply because he’s a “family man”? Or could it be because they’re a white family? A heterosexual family? Man, woman, and child = healthy living, right? I mean, where’s the dog? The white picket fence?

(Oh wait, I just saw the dog’s head. Now it’s complete.)

Imagine for a second that this family was not a straight, white family with a dog. Imagine if the wife was a husband. Would that family be “suitable” for a sign? What if Mr. Matt Bentley was bald because he had cancer? What if he had tattoos? What if his wife was African American? Muslim? Japanese? Nigerian?

Would that matter?

I understand and firmly believe that it should absolutely not matter. But does it? Given the location of this particular sign and the neighborhood I’m driving in when I pass this sign, I’m guessing it matters a great deal.

And that makes me sad.

P.S. I don’t know Matt Bentley at all, or his family. This is in no way a condemnation of him, personally. This is really a commentary on society and the current social norms, specifically in Georgia.

With the release of the new iPhone line tomorrow, Apple will no longer sell a new phone with the (now) iconic home button attached. All three major models will now be FaceID-based, and will feature no button at all on the screen.

Which is interesting, no doubt. I, myself, will finally be joining the “X Club” here soon. Which means I’ll have to get used to navigating without the trusty 11-year old home button. But it made me chuckle as I noticed an interface that I use everyday that will still sport it proudly:

Not exactly sure how (or even if) they’re going to change the UI to accommodate. Then again, there’s no FaceID in CarPlay. At least not yet. So maybe it stays for some time. Just found it ironic as I drove down the road this morning.

NBC News: FEMA to test “Presidential Alert” system next week

What

The actual

Fuck

I was recently listening to one of my weekly podcasts (Do By Friday, if you were curious), and Max brought up an interesting conundrum that he asked the panel of hosts. It went something like this:

You are interviewing for a job. The CEO of the company invites you to a breakfast in a downtown restaurant to have a chit chat to see what you’re like. Unbeknownst to you, the CEO has asked the waiter to intentionally mess something up in your order. The breakfast is brought out, and you recognize that it is not what and/or how you ordered it. What do you do?

Max went on to say that the point of this scenario is to specifically see how you’d act in the given situation. Do you stop the waiter and say “excuse me, but I think something may be wrong with my breakfast” or do you more boldly say “Please take this back, it’s just wrong”? Are you rude or empathetic? Nice or mean? Haughty or humble?

I asked a friend of mine what she thought and she said it would depend on how messed up it was, how busy the restaurant was, and what her current mood was that would determine her reaction. But overall, she thought it was a shit “test”. “It’s not a good way to judge one’s character” is the way she later phrased it.

I can’t say that I blame her for thinking that. In the podcast, Max went on to say that this is rumored to happen in the big investment firms on Wall Street to test the candidate’s “alpha”-ness. Sigh.

What a dick way to judge someone who’s going to be working for you. I mean, honestly. Is there even a right way to react and/or behave in this scenario? Are you really expecting the candidate to be a dick to the waiter and show their butts in the middle of restaurant to prove that they’re not there to take any crap from some lowly waiter? Is that a sign that you’re looking for?

I’m sorry, but if that’s the person you want me to be, and that’s the way you want me to behave, and that’s considered GOOD, then no thank you. I’ll be looking somewhere else, thank you.

No words…

I read Ethan Marcotte’s article about Google’s recently announced service / product called Duplex. In it, he lays out the following argument:

Frankly, this technology was designed to deceive humans. That’s not a value judgment, mind: the aim of the product is to act as human-sounding as possible. What’s more, the demos above are impressive because Duplex specifically withholds the fact that it’s not human. The net effect is, for better and for worse, a form of deception. Duplex was elegantly, intentionally designed to deceive. (And given that reality’s on shaky ground as it is, I don’t think this is the most responsible goal.)

I’m of two completely separate minds on this. One the one hand, I completely agree with the doubters thinking. Let’s not mince words here, Google, given its history, stands to be viewed upon with a hefty bit of skepticism when it comes to doing what’s “right”. But let’s say that’s not it. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and say Google has every good intention in this particular space. What about others? What about the malicious folk out there? What about the people who are out there to scheme and cheat and rip people off? Isn’t Google giving them, right out of the gate, a tool to aid in their shenanigans?

This ultimately comes back to the old adage of “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should”. I don’t know that we’ve held technology to that standard enough recently. A perfect example of this is the creation and, more importantly, the use of self-driving cars when the tech is not absolutely rock-solid.

Having said all of that, I was reading a tweet last night from someone whose name I have known for a while, but didn’t know a particular fact about. This gentleman stutters. Like me. He viewed this in a completely different light. His idea was that the Duplex “product” could be used in a very nice and productive way by people who have speech disabilities. Like he and I do. It was eye-opening. I think I even re-tweeted it with “Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, etc.”

Because I can completely see his point. I HATE talking on the phone. It makes me anxious, nervous, and scared. I get over it, and conquer it, but it’s an every-single-situation kind of thing. What if I didn’t have to do that but 40% of the time I do it now? That would help me. Would I like to be 60% less anxious? You’re damn right I would be.

The well-being of global society is still winning in my head, and I will go on record as thinking this might not be the best thing. But it’s not as much of a slam dunk as I would have originally thought.

I guess I had never really noticed this on my previous trips to Seattle, but in downtown (at least), whenever possible, there are overhangs for people walking on the sidewalks.

It rained yesterday afternoon, and I walked 8 blocks without getting really wet. I was amazed, if not a little embarrassed, that I hadn’t seen this right above my head the entire time.

Kudos, Seattle!

Like most things, ideas come to me as I listen to podcasts. Topics jump out at me, and I have an opinion or a fact I like to share. One recent one was a song that would be played at your bespoke funeral. As it happens, I have thought about this one a lot. And I already know what song that should/will be.

A bit off the beaten path, the song comes from one of my favorite indie folk/rock acts: Ray LaMontagne. The song is off of his 2nd album entitled “Till the Sun Turns Black”.

2006

Within You, unlike most of LaMontagne’s songs, is not dependent lyrics for the storytelling. In fact, the only lyrics in the song are “War is not the answer / The answer is within you”. And many repetitions of the words “love”. All of them airily whispered to the listener, as if it was a release of relief. Love being always within you, and the answer to, well, everything.

The reflective message is woven through such an instrumental series of waves. It lulls the listener into a reverie. In my case, it’s a contemplative thought process on looking back at my life. Looking at the love in my life. And celebrating it. If my funeral is happening, as the case may be, I want the people to think back of me and really consider who I was. Not only to them, but to everyone I knew. What was my place in this world from their perspective? And how will they remember me?

I need my life to matter to people. Especially to the people closest to me. To the people who love me and whom I love(d). One hopes, and I do, that that list is long.

Educated

Earlier this week, someone left a comment on an article I’d written to shame me over a word they considered “not a word”. A few years ago this would have stung and left me feeling like an imposter. At age 42 I have very few fucks left to give about such pedantry.

Formal education gives you words and technical understanding, it helps you interact with other people on a level where you can all assume you have the same starting point. It isn’t everything, and perhaps my hard-won knowledge, learned from trying and failing and figuring things out alone is my greatest strength.

While I am a firm believer in higher education, and have spent a tremendous amount of time teaching and guiding my kids toward a successful future in college, I love the “fuck you” attitude from Rachel here. It’s unapologetically defiant. And coming from an unbelievably intelligent person that is shaping the world of web design as we speak, I applaud her so much.

Bravo, Rachel. Bravo.

How the ACA changed American incomes

The bottom line: At least as far as this analysis goes, the ACA helped more people than it hurt. Whether you want to call it “redistributing wealth” or "reducing income inequality," the ACA achieved it. Or, in CBO’s words, the law "made household income more evenly distributed."

But “reducing income inequality” is bad, right? Right?

This is where we are. Totally and utterly ridiculous expectations and perspectives. Brilliantly pointed out in the tweet above.

Believe it or not, software is worth something. It’s disturbing that we’ve let the value of it slide as far as we have.

On Episode 278 of “Roderick on the Line”, Merlin (Mann) encapsulates exactly something that a friend of mine said about 2 years ago, well ahead of the 2016 election. Merlin said:

There's so much reckoning going on about strangers. There's so much reckoning going on about millions of people who are disadvantaged culturally in a way that so many of that 32%-36% are not. And yet they have found some way to find agrievement in every cultural improvement in the last 50 years, Every time somebody who's not them gets something, it's a zero sum game. Everything that somebody who has always been treated like shit for their entire life gets is necessarily one less thing that they get, in their mind.

I can’t tell you how right he is, how right my friend was back then, and how wrong I was to write it off as something of an ignorant opinion. On a car trip to/from Seattle, we were having a discussion on the phenomenon that was candidate Trump at the time. Speaking for myself, I just didn’t understand how he was still in the race, much less leading it. During the course of that discussion, it was pointed out that there was a certain group of people that felt disenfranchised because of the cultural changes that had been happening (especially in the past 7 years of the Obama presidency). And that this group of people felt left behind, or left out, of the benefits that were now coming to the historically disenfranchised. And that was pissing them off. So much so, that they would absolutely invite into their house this loud-mouth, boastful, pussy-grabbing-and-proud-of-it shitbag for a possible president.

At the time, I thought that was ridiculous. I thought that people would surely be smart enough, informed enough, to see him for what he was. And the danger he imposed to a civilized notion of government, norms, and order. I believed in the basis of a morality, and believed that these people would ultimately end up siding on the basis of that morality and not on the idea of “anything but (her/establishment)”.

I have to say that I didn’t believe my friend then. Didn’t want to believe that narrative. But I believe it now. And I realize that, even now, I still have some thinking outside the box to do.

“Keep honking…I’m reloading”

Yep, what an advertisement in this day in age where people are suggesting we arm everyone (including kindergarten teachers) to combat other people being armed!

Yep, let’s make sure to arm people who are driving, so if they don’t like how someone else honks at them, they have the opportunity to simply blow them away.

Perfect.

Doesn’t sound plausible? “People would never do that”, you say?

This fucker has a bumper sticker that says so. Because people are ALWAYS rational when it comes to driving.

FFS

P.S. This was less than a mile away from my kid’s school. People suck.

So, every time we got a new car, Sirius XM is always an option on the car’s entertainment system. It’s also signed up (automatically) for a 3-month trial. Sounds great, right?

Well, The calendar just ticked over to month 4, day 1 for my new-ish A4, and sure enough, the XM Preview channel is screaming at me (yet again) to subscribe.

“Never miss the great music of yesterday and today!”

“Want to take your music everywhere you are? Subscribe to SiriusXM!”

“Follow your favorite team for every goal, touchdown, and home run!”

Umm, no. I’m good. And that’s when I reach for the iPhone cord and plug in my phone to use CarPlay.

Ahh, back to normal.

But, yesterday, I was in the process of getting out of my car to walk in the grocery store. And right before I open the door, I hear a terrible, terrible noise. Imagine the sound a grinder makes on bare metal mixed with TV static. A screeching, ear-splitting sound at top volume. Horrible on so many levels. Surely this is a mistake, right?

Nope.

It was a commercial that went something like this: “Hate this sound? (Sound plays for 5 seconds) Yeah, who wouldn’t?! (Sound plays again for 5 seconds) Subscribe to SiriusXM to make sure you never hear it again!”

Are you fucking kidding me?!?!

Just shameless. And pathetic.

Guess what you’ve successfully done, Sirius? You’ve ensured I will never, ever again subscribe to your service.

Job well done.

Programmers who only code at work

What's your opinion on programmers who are not passionate about programming, have no side projects and only program at their jobs. Not senior devs either, just programmers, who are not juniors anymore. Can they ever improve, write better code? Or do they stagnate. Asking because my coworker said he doesn't enjoy programming at home.

I have to say something. This mentality drives me crazy. Even the question is so galling that it infuriates me. As if you MUST leave work and go straight home and continue to code so you can be viewed as a worthy developer. It’s ridiculous and wrong-headed.

You’re reading the blog of someone who is passionate about programming. I have been passionate about programming since I wrote my first C program in college. My 12-year anniversary at work was this past week. And guess what? I’ve never gone home to code “for fun”. Why? Because I have a life outside of my work, and I enjoy it. My kids are 11 and 13 now. I’ve watched them grow up, and am very proud of the fact that I have been present in their lives from day one.

I am a worthy father the same way that I am a worthy developer. One does not preclude the other.

I don’t understand this way of thinking. And I don’t understand why this idea would be so prevalent in the software development industry. I’ve heard stories of hiring procedures that depend on candidates having side projects on GitHb or BitBucket. Why is that a requirement? Because it shows you will bust your ass at work and bust it even more at home to prove…what exactly? That you are “committed”? That you’ll do whatever it takes? That you’ll sacrifice everything to “prove” yourself?

Yeah, no thanks.

All I’ve ever wanted to do in my career is matter. I want my work to matter. And it does. It fulfills me. And it’s enough for me.

The good news is there are voices starting to push back on this idea. I ran across this tweet this past weekend:

And a responder to the linked article above said the following:

Having said that, no-one's trying to stifle anyones passion here. If you love to code, do it at every opportunity you get. But be careful when passing judgement on the skill, growth and development of folks who don't share that same level of passion.

When it comes to my personal life, and the personal lives of my employees, work is work. And your time is your time. Enjoy both.

#youdoyou

Ok, this is probably going to be an unpopular sentiment. So, I’ll just go ahead and get it out of the way. Rip off the band-aid. Here it goes:

“Hamilton” was not the best live musical theater experience I’e ever had.

There.

I said it.

Please don’t get me wrong. “Hamilton” was amazing. Like, really, really amazing. Even my son, who is not normally a musical theater fan, found it enthralling. Myself, Jayme, and the kids were all about the soundtrack both before and after the show.

Every bit of credit and respect goes to Lin Manuel Miranda and crew for creating such a cultural phenomenon. The songs were amazing. The story was gripping. It’s everything you could ask for in a musical.

(Side note: Angelica and her masterpiece “Satisfied” was my favorite part of the entire show!)

But…

In my mind, seeing “Les Miserables” on stage in London in 2003 was and is the hallmark of my theater-going lifetime. Maybe it was because I grew up with “Les Mis”. It was the musical that everyone knew and sang. Hell, we even sang a good bit of it in our high school chorus concert(s). Or maybe it was listening to the songs over and over and over again and finally seeing it live and in the flesh in front of me. Valjean with the soaring voice. The powerful ensemble pieces. The heart-wrenching ballads about love and loss.

It was mesmerizing. It also came at a turning point in my life. I was 23, married, had my first job, and really hitting a stride in my new-found adulthood. We were in London, living in Paris, and so many miles from our home in Georgia. We were living our life. There was an independence running throughout the whole experience.

That performance and that experience has stuck with me for these past 15 years, and is the barometer by which everything is judged.

My confession laid bare.

Sen. Orrin Hatch calls Obamacare supporters ‘stupidest, dumbass people’

Dear sir,

Fuck you.

With love,

A stupid dumbass

A Series of Questions for Those That Advocate Arming Teachers In Order to Prevent Innocent Children from Being Slaughtered

• Where does the money come from to train these teachers?
• How much training is required?
• Who is doing the training?

This is such a detail-oriented list of questions for these political fuckwads that are proposing this lunacy. It’s so pedantic that I would have thought I wrote it. So many kudos, Casey. So many.

I was perusing Facebook after all of the Florida shooting stories. Shocking that none of the normal gun freaks were speaking up in the aftermath.

Anyway, not the point here.

I came across the post above, and was struck by something. Number one, my aunt left a comment on the post that said “Thank you, Mr. Vice President.” Sigh. Number two, Joy Behar is not altogether wrong for saying what she said.

Think about it. If I publicly ran for office and said I discuss my issues and problems with my imaginary friend named Alan, people would say I was crazy.

“No, no, he’s my spiritual advisor,” I would say.

And they’d call me even crazier.

And you know what, they’d be right. Because I’d be talking to someone (or something) THAT’S NOT REAL. There is no Alan. Just like there is no Jesus listening to you or talking to you.

It’s not there. It’s not real.

So, I would question my aunt. Why do you say “Thank you, Mr. Vice President”? Because you talk to imaginary friends, too? Is that ok? And if it is, I would presume you’d support any candidate or leader that talks to an imaginary bunny rabbit, right? Or a robot? Or what about an alien?

Those things are just as “real” as Jesus. (Oh, and by the way, there are “religions” that don’t believe in Jesus either, so it’s not just coming from this atheist.)

FFS

A lot has been written (and spoken) about a new(ish) technology called Voice Assistants. Don’t know what that is? I bet you actually do. Ever said “Hey Siri, what’s the weather like?” to your phone or “Alexa, play Bruno Mars"? If you have, you’ve interacted with a real-life virtual voice assistant. (See what I did there?)

Amazon has one (Alexa). Apple has one (Siri). Google has one (“Hey Google”). And even Samsung has one (Bixby). With all of these high-profile companies, you’d think we don’t do anything but sit around the house or car all day speaking into the air to no one in particular.

Luckily, we don’t. Because we’d probably be put away in some looney bin if we did.

But these are around, and they seem to be gaining steam in broader popular culture. No longer existing only in tech nerd environments, these devices (and services) have made their way into mainstream households. Amazon’s Alexa, arguably the most popular service out there, was adopted by my mother-in-law before me. Seems strange, doesn’t it it?

Well, yes and no. I must admit, I don’t particularly like them (at least as they are currently implemented). My holdback is not so much a curmudgeonly, get-off-my-lawn resistance. Nor is it a nervous apprehension about privacy and allowing a multi-billion dollar corporation to put a dingus in my house whose sole purpose is to listen to me. (Ok, let’s be fair, a large part of it is the privacy angle. But let’s not get bogged down in that right this particular minute.)

I actually love the idea of a computer being able to interact with me in the same manner that another human being would. What’s unfortunate is that, right now, we’re still in the really early days with this technology. “Conversations” and true human-like interactions are not real with any one of these things. I do want this technology to work. And I want it to be as good as they advertise.

No, my largest hold-up comes from an apprehension that most people would never think about. It comes from the “voice” portion of the phrase “voice assistant”. That part where you have to say, out loud, what you want the assistant to do.

Out. Loud.

That always works out great for stutterers.

A device can now hear me stutter. Hell, it even records it. In its own way, it can even judge me. You see, the built-in functionality has a threshold of silence at the end of your query to know when to stop listening, which is how it knows when to proceed with its response. There is literally a timer counting down until it’s done waiting for you. In a stutterer’s mind, there is ALWAYS a timer going in your head. I feel it when I speak to other people, and I see it in their anticipation of what’s coming next as they listen to me. To give you an idea, this is what goes through my head:

When will it ding at me and cut me off because I blocked and can’t get the next syllable out? Will it ding now? Now? What about now?

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Ad Infinitum.

The pressure is ever-present. That pressure just adds more pressure to get it out, which adds even more pressure to do it quickly. “Now. Quickly. They’re waiting. It’s going to ding any second now. Do it. Get it out. Say it. Say it, you moron.”

That inner dialogue never stops. And it leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy. A vicious cycle.

Now, not only can I not speak normally to another human being, I can’t even speak normally to a frickin’ machine. Fuck.

In my own life, the version of this technology I use the most comes from Apple’s Siri. And most of that comes from the Messages app in the CarPlay system in my car. (I’ve been meaning to write something on how I use Siri more in my car by a factor of 10 than I ever do from my phone.) It reads my messages to me, and I can formulate my response by simply speaking into the air.

It’s a great piece of technology. Specifically in the car, as it frees your hands from fiddling with the phone. At the same time, it’s so frustrating when I get to a block in my speech pattern, and Siri will stop and begin to repeat what I just said. Unfinished, broken sentence and all. And I have to either send the sentence fragment, thus clueing in the person on the other end of the message that I have fucked up in speaking to the dingus, or I have to start over and say all of it again. And what if I fuck that one up, too? Start again? Send the fragment and send a follow-up message? What about the next time? And the next time?

See where this goes…

It’s enough to make me WANT to pick up my phone and just let my fingers do the talking for me. Lord knows, it’ll be quicker, sharper, and more concise.

Oh yeah, and less humiliating.

In my tech nerd circles, mostly on podcasts that I listen to, these voice assistants are lauded as the way our devices should be interacting with us. Getting the smartphone or laptop out of the way seems to be viewed as “better” in the long run. And maybe they’re right, for most people.

I’d just ask them to realize that some of us on the other end of the microphone don’t necessarily see this as a good thing. We either can’t speak to these things, or would honestly rather not.

And you know what, that should be ok, too.

River (with Ed Sheeran) Performed by: Eminem Written by: Marshall Mathers / Edward Christopher Sheeran / Emile Haynie

I can't keep my lies straight, what I made you Terminate my baby This love triangle, left us in a rectangle What else can I say? It was fun for a while That I really woulda' loved your smile Didn't really want to abort But fuck it, what's one more lie to tell an unborn child?

I mean…wow

The search for Jackie Wallace by Ted Jackson

Only a half-mile more and it would all be over. One hundred and 50 feet below, the powerful currents of the Mississippi River would swallow his soul and his wretched life. He dodged another car. But why did it matter? Getting hit by a car would serve his purposes just as well as jumping.

Read this. It is a roller coaster ride of hope and sorrow, redemption and desperation. This is what happens in a society of living in (and caring about) only the now. We so often forget what happens after the spotlight is turned off.

(PDF) The search for Jackie Wallace - NOLA.com

Flight Performed by: Lifehouse Written by: Jason Wade

It’s no secret that music means a great deal to me. It’s soothing when nothing else will soothe me. On the flip slide, it can also tear at me like nothing else can. When I come across “new” music, I usually grab hold of it and just let it wash over me by playing it again and again and again. The band Lifehouse is particularly special to me. They encompass almost the entirety of my relationship with Jayme. One of their earliest songs “Everything” is our wedding song. (Granted, a very long wedding song.)

So when I came across this song while listening to a varied mix of Lifehouse, I realized it was new to me. It was on an album from several years ago that I will admit I hadn’t listed to a lot. But I was in a particularly Lifehouse kind of mood, and I let them all play. The song that caught my ear was called “Flight”.

It is a gorgeous song. A heart-wrenching song. One that is filled with so much emotion. And what I love about it is that you can hear it in the way Jason (Wade) sings it. The music swells. It builds. The feeling is building to something. Building to a resolution. Building to freedom.

These lyrics just slay me:

No more running, no more hiding No more hurting, no more crying No more trouble, no more sighing No more falling, no more striving No more heartache, no more fighting No more fears, only flying

Listen to Jason sing them. If that doesn’t engender resolve and purpose in your own soul, I’m not sure what will.

Do yourself a favor, listen in the video below:

youtu.be/polHMqkLJ…

Apple CEO Tim Cook Learned to Code in College

In October of 2017, Cook shared additional details on his coding experience in an interview with The Sun. Back when he was attending Auburn University, Cook built a system to improve the traffic lights near the university. He aimed to optimize traffic to reduce wait times while maintaining the safety of the lights. His work was a success and it was implemented by the local police force.

So there’s one way Tim Cook and I are alike. I, too, took my first programming course at Auburn University. Granted, mine was almost 20 yers later in the fall of 1998. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my career. I happened to register for a C class and realized I had a knack for it. Even better than that, I really enjoyed it. That class led to a second class, which led to a co-op opportunity with Georgia Tech Research Institute, which led to a transfer to Georgia Tech, which led to my first job at GTRI, which led to my current job of 12 years at Romanoff.

You could say that that one programming class at Auburn almost 20 years has led to who I am today.

I may not have programmed traffic lights, or (you know) have been promoted to CEO of the most profitable company in the world, but it’s paid off for me pretty well.

I sit here in utter shock and complete despair that it’s come to this…

The sad thing it’s not the first time I’ve seen a forum like this, and I fear it won’t be the last.

twitter.com/vicenews/…

I don’t know how to deal with this. It’s one of those situations where I watch this, and the desire to weep and rage at the same time overwhelms me. It’s heartbreaking that there are people who can utterly get lost in the Fox News-ification of life.

As Frank pointed out in the video, they are “absolutely” willing to believe that all 9 of these women are lying because they’ve been paid off. All of them. No thought to giving even one of them the benefit of the doubt.

Like I said, weeping and raging. All at the same time.

I have a 13 year old daughter right now, and I am scared to death at the lack of compassion for the women who are victims of sexual assault. What kind of world are we leading these children into? How can I teach her (hell, convince her) to speak up when it’s being proven day after day to her that people will NOT believe her? That people will blame HER? That people will look at her like she was asking for it? That she should be flattered, and I as a parent should be grateful and proud, that a prominent man is interested in her…while she tries to get through the 8th grade?

Because, after all, clothes were still on. Sickening.

Even other women. That’s what floors me. In the video above, other women flat-out say that it’s the accusers' fault. (By the way, someone should share with the lady in the video that “I blame both of them” really does mean YOU ARE BLAMING HER.)

Apparently, being a sexual predator is perfectly fine as long as you (purportedly) stand for good Christian, Conservative values.

Whatever the fuck that means anymore.

#partyoverhumanity

For many years, I’ve heard the (now) old adage of “Apple must be sabotaging my (current) iPhone because they want me to buy the new one”. I’ve always rolled my eyes at this, because it’s a classic consumer whine; the world (big company) is against me (playing the role of David in their own David and Goliath story).

I mean, come on. Yes, Apple must have written code specifically to jack up your special snowflake iPhone at exactly the time a new phone is coming out. Yeah, that’s plausible.

If that were true, a) there have been plenty of generations of these things by now and they’d have been caught at some point, and b) that’s just fucking preposterous.

Anyway,…

Having had almost every model of iPhone ever produced, I do know that as the years go on, they do become more randomly buggy. Again, I code for a living. And there’s no more frustrating than troubleshooting an issue or problem brought from a user that says “it’s random”.

Has anyone ever thought it might be a consequence of the batteries? And to that end, a consequence of the underlying battery technology in use in modern-day phones?

We use these batteries constantly. 24/7. 365. Batteries were never intended to last forever. And given the usage and charging habits we all have (I’ve never been able to keep up with the “right way” to charge a lithium ion battery), have we ever considered that the randomness of a failing battery might be the actual issue in random bugs and crashes as these devices age?

Just a thought…

Update: Maybe I was more right than I thought: Geekbench Results Visualize Possible Link Between iPhone Slowdowns and Degraded Batteries

Why this Houston Astros player has an inspiring mission beyond baseball

"I totally embrace my stutter — it makes me who I am," Springer said in a statement when he first took on the role with SAY.

“Some people have blue eyes, some have blonde hair, and some people stutter. I’ve never let it hold me back and with SAY, I want to help kids who stutter build the confidence they need to pursue their own dreams,” he said.

Bravo, Mr. Springer. Bravo.

Fascinating…

At dinner tonight, Caroline wanted us to hear a song she likes (she likes the beat, she says). Turns out it was a song called “No Promises” by a band called Cheat Codes.

She’s right, it does have a very good beat to the song. But I couldn’t get past one line in the song:

“Promise me no promises”

Wha?!?!

How can you promise no promises? The very act of promising no promises breaks the promise that you just got done promising you wouldn’t promise. Hence, you can never make that promise without breaking said promise, and the world ends up folding in upon itself. Now if you kept up with that, maybe you can explain it to me!

And, oh by the way, it fascinates me that she listens to music through Pandora (for random “shuffle”), and YouTube (of all things) for finding a specific song. No iTunes, no Amazon Music. No taking advantage of our extremely large existing iTunes library.

Purchasing music may, in fact, be leaving us. This fact just proves to me that the “latest trend” is passing me by.

And with that, my transformation to my dad is complete.

I hear the word “forever” used in lots of places as I go through my everyday. “I’ll love you forever”, “I’ll be here forever”, ”that’ll be here forever", “this will be remembered forever”, or “they’ll rest here forever in peace”. That last one struck me as I drove past a cemetery one Saturday a couple of weeks back. The sad reality is that it’s just not true. Think of some of the things you think about truly being forever:

The idea of you Your loves Your relationships Your “mark” Your photographs Your resting place Even your country

But guess what?

After several generations, you (as an individual person) will be forgotten. People that you love, and love you, will die. Your existence will be erased by time. Pictures fade. Land will be needed for other purposes. Countries rise and fall.

It’s hard to think of something, anything, that will truly be here forever. Forever is a really, really long time. The concept of forever is infinite. Is anything really infinite?

I often here the word “eternity” thrown about, especially when it comes to the idea of what’s after death. It’s hard for me to believe that. For many reasons.

There is a sadness that washes over me when I think about the lack of a “forever”. Like something is lost. Something that will never return. And I realize that I, and everything I love, hope for, wish for, will be forgotten at some point. As if it, or I, never existed.

It’s sobering.

So I focus on what I can control. To live and love to the fullest while I am here. While I have time. While I still matter. While I am not forgotten.

This picture was taken just under 5 years ago. Caroline was still a little girl. Brian looks so much like a young child. They are not that now.

They are still my kiddos, yes. And I willl always see them as such. But they are growing up so fast. As Jayme told my sister this morning, it’s only 6 years that we’ll be taking Caroline to college. Brian is about to hit his growth spurt and he’ll be asking for keys to the car before you know it.

I’m just not sure I’m ready for this.

Just study this picture, and you will know most of what you need to know about my dad.

• Loves music? Check!
• Beatles fan? Check!
• Still reads paper magazines? Check!
• Needs glasses to read those paper magazines? Check!
• No way he's cutting the dish/cable apparatus? Check!
• Need to know the temperature because he's old? Check!
• Yet still uses earbuds for his iPod (yes, an actual iPod)? Check!

Yep, this is him. Very much surrounded by what he loves. And very much set in his ways.

And I love him everyday for it.

A couple of weeks ago, the trailer for the latest Star Wars movie, The Last Jedi, was released. Several co-workers gathered in our conference room and watched it multiple times on the Surface Hub.

It was a shared experience between lovers of this movie saga. We dissected the meanings behind the dialogue, commented on the music, spoke about how awesome December was going to be when the movie is actually released. It was fun. It was enjoyable. Like I said, a shared experience.

But when I got home, I realized that this unifying experience was not limited to our conference room. Twitter was alive with the buzz of the trailer. People from every walk of life: Geeks, Politicians, Sports Writers, Tech CEOs, Software developers, Literary Writers. The whole gamut was represented in the “audience” of Star Wars fans.

It occurred to me at that moment, that Star Wars is THE unifying force (pun not intended) in our current climate. With so much divisiveness present in our collective society, this one movie franchise seems to have the power to bring us all together.

I wonder if George Lucas ever dreamt that would be the case way back when this story was forming in his mind.

Editorial Note: Despite the tragedies that are the prequels, he should be very, very proud.

Day in and day out is a struggle. Work. Kids. Family. Relationships that run through all facets of my life. Soccer practice. Managing. Coding. Speaking. Not sleeping well.

It gets overwhelming. Most days end with utter exhaustion. Some end with anger. Some end with laughter. Some end with emptiness. Some end with joy. And some even end with the feeling that no matter how hard you try, there’s always something waiting to drag you down. Then, there is a moment that warms your heart like no other. It makes you realize why you push through all of that stuff above. One of those moments happened to me last night. And it couldn’t have come at a better time.

Caroline had soccer practice yesterday evening. I had been in meetings all day. Struggling against the idea that I’m getting nothing done. Feeling inadequate, to be perfectly honest, on many levels.

It’s about 9:30pm. Brian’s tucked in, he’s down for the night. And Caroline walks out to tell me she’s ready for bed. Her hair is wet as I hug and kiss her goodnight. She loves taking baths after dinner these days. And as I turn to go, I see her start to climb the stairs to her bed. She’s holding something in her other hand.

Clutched in her left hand is her doll. Not just any doll. The only doll. One that she affectionately calls “Baby” because she didn’t know any better name when she received it when she was less than a year old. That doll has been through everything with her. Moves. Fights with friends. Sicknesses. Sleepovers. Family trips. Everything.

She climbed that ladder, “Baby” in tow, without any fanfare at all. It was simply part of her routine. Part of her. Maybe she’s done this night after night and I just haven’t noticed it. But I noticed it last night.

And I realized something. Deep down, underneath all of the sass and attitude and facade of wanting to be cool and accepted that comes with pending teenage-dom, she’s still my baby girl. And she still has some of that innocence left. Yes, it will eventually fade with time, even though I wish it’d stay forever. But it’s still there right now. And that makes me unbelievably happy.

I needed that moment.

More than I realized.

I'm not negotiating a common reality with someone who can hear the words "President Trump" and not experience an oxymoron. Who can look at the Flynn situation and say the problem is the media leaked this. I'm done negotiating that common reality. I don't care if I'm above or below the person I'm not negotiating with anymore. In my estimation, that person is an enemy of the American Republic. I am no longer in dialogue with them.

FINALLY, someone is starting to say this out loud. Some of us have been saying this for months and months. (If you click on the picture above, you can listen to the entire rant. I do encourage you to do so.)

It’s time to stop fucking accepting that all of this is normal. This is not normal. This doesn’t happen with every president. This doesn’t happen with every administration. Stop fucking saying it is. It’s not.

And if you say it is, you are lying. As Stephen addresses in the quote above, I’m done even approaching a common, intellectual conversation with you. Because your reality is a purely fictional one.

It’s that simple.

Our Articles on the Attacks Trump Says the Media Didn’t Cover

• New York Times

The White House has issued a list of 78 terrorist attacks, saying most were underreported. The Trump administration, under fire for immigration restrictions and other policies it says are designed to curb terrorism, has portrayed the news media and other institutions as playing down the threat.

But the list, which was released on Monday night and details episodes from September 2014 to December 2016, includes dozens of attacks that were covered heavily in the news media, including by The New York Times.

These are obviously alternative facts…

Perfectly sums it up…

“See you this afternoon,” he yelled as he walked out to the garage.

“Have a good day, sweetie!” She smiled as she rolled over to get that extra 20 minutes of rest.

–

How many times have you done this with your wife? Your husband? Your kids? Your girlfriend/boyfriend?

A lot.

Let’s not kid ourselves. A lot a lot.

We walk out the door, knowing in the back of our mind it could be our last. But to stay sane, we keep it stored WAY, WAY in the back. Because we want to believe that we are immune to the bizarre happenings of the universe. We expect to be back soon. We want to be back soon.

But what if you never made it back? Or even worse, what if they never made it back?

I watched a 2013 episode of Netflix’s show Black Mirror. Entitled “Be Right Back”, a young couple have moved to the English countryside to finally start their life together. Wanting to start a family. A routine trip to the store for Ash turns into a nightmare for Martha. He never returns. A policeman knocks on the door the next day and she must deal with the fact that he is gone, and won’t be coming back.

She’s left in a state of confusion. A state of denial. A state of being directionless. She can’t move. Because she doesn’t know how to move in such grief. She is without him. Left in a void of his absence.

Trying to help, a friend of hers recommends a service, a new, somewhat secret service. It claims to let a user connect with their lost loved one by scouring the dead individual’s social feeds, photos, emails, etc. Anything that they left behind in the digital world. It combines these together to make a “profile” that will, effectively, interact with the user.

Desperate, she signs up. And waits.

Until her computer dings one night. It’s “him”.

She begins to chat with him in text. All night. And over the next couple of days, texts turn into phone calls. (Apparently, the service can replicate personality through voice as well.) She is connecting with her love again. She goes on walks while talking to him. Lays in bed talking to him. Runs errands talking to him. Paints while she talks to him.

She is falling in love with him again. All of the grief, all of the heartache, all of the pain, she pushes down. Because he’s there.

Having hooked Martha, the company takes it one step further and offers her an experimental service. They offer her the ability to “recreate” Ash so that he is (seemingly) a real, live person. (This is where you must simply accept the sci-fi reality aspect of the story, and go with it.) 

Again, wanting to be with him so badly, she says yes. The package arrives and she follows the instructions. And waits. (The details of how this happens are weird, but ultimately don’t matter to the story.)

She is absolutely startled later that night when her dead husband is standing in front of her at the base of the staircase. Whole. Real. Tangible. She can touch him. Speak to him. Kiss him. Hug him.

She realizes very quickly that feeling of being whole again.

For days and days, she explores life again with him next to her. Walks. Talks. Laughter. Romance. Sex.

And everything seems perfect. She has her Ash back. He’s there with her. Life is moving forward again.

Except…

It’s not him. She notices the small things at first, but brushes them aside. She has the good again. Why would she do anything to spoil that? Over time though, they become hard to ignore. And they start to weigh on her as days turn into weeks.

She begins to realize that he doesn’t act or react exactly like Ash did. His personality is not exactly like Ash. He doesn’t exactly kiss like Ash. He doesn’t exactly laugh like Ash. He doesn’t exactly make love like Ash. He doesn’t exactly smile like Ash. He doesn’t love her exactly like Ash did.

He is different. So many things are the same. But they are not exactly the same. It’s an uncanny valley situation at the most personal level.

I’ve spoiled much of the episode here, but I’ll save what she does about this situation for the episode itself. It’s a really good 44 minutes of television, and I recommend you watch it.

But it does challenge you to bring the central question back to a very personal place. And it’s a question that I couldn’t answer right off the bat. Even months after watching this episode for the first time, it still haunts me to some degree. Here’s the question:

Would you (or could you) live with a version of someone (especially someone as close as a spouse or a girlfriend/boyfriend), even if you know it’s not actually them?

Could you do that?

Loss is a terrible, heart-wrenching thing. It makes you question so many things in your own life. So many personal things. Things you share with only a few in your entire lifetime. Knowing there was a time where that person was such a part of you that you believed you could never live without them. And now, you’ve been forced to live without them. Sometimes, very suddenly. Very abruptly.

Yet, at the same time, you’ve been given the unbelievably unique opportunity to bring them back, so to speak.

Would you do it?

You already know that this “person” is not yours. They are NOT the person you knew. Intellectually, you know that. But all of your real-world senses tell you that they are. And yet, they’re not. Not exactly.

Is the opportunity to have 97% of your loved one back worth the idea that 3% of them will not be them?

It’s a tough question. A tough couple of questions. I will say that, for me…

I don’t know that I, personally, could accept that.

The hubris inside me says I could handle it. I would get over it. I would make it work. Because, like Martha, I want it to be true. I want it to work. But the logical part of me fires back. “No, Lee, just no. That’s not [person’s name]. They will never be them. No matter how much you want them to be.”

I would also imagine that the answer may change from day to day. After all, some days you may feel strong and confident that you are moving on and living your life despite the terrible loss. And other days, you may swim in the sorrow of that loss. Your heart is broken, and you don’t know that you’ll ever get over it. You are missing part of yourself.

And then there are all of the days in between.

In the end, I’m left with the following personal truth. If this “new” person is not going to be the person I loved, if that person is not going to be the person i opened my heart to, and I know it will never be that person, I don’t think I could do it. Because they won’t be my version of that person. I would never have fallen in love with this “new” version. And they would never have fallen in live with me. It’s fake. It’s not real. It’s a lie.

One thing i know very definitively about myself is this: If I can’t have the real thing, I don’t want a substitute. Those two “people”, or versions, are NOT the same. And they never will be. Ever.

I want the real. I want my real.

Brydge Keyboard 12.9 Review: Closer to iPad keyboard perfection

We’ve officially reached the end of the circle. Look at this keyboard/case. It effectively makes your iPad Pro an iOS version of a MacBook, at least from an aesthetics perspective.

This is the future for most people. Get used to it, guys.

During a recent episode of The Tony Kornheiser Show, the crew was discussing the neighborhood that (now) Vice President Mike Pence had moved into for the transition between the election and inauguration on January 20, 2017. Apparently, the neighborhood was not exactly happy about the views of their new temporary neighbors.

In their own form of protest, the residents “decorated” the neighborhood with rainbow flags, showing their solidarity with the LBGT community.

As they discussed this story, they stated that they believe it is acceptable if people protest him at his work, but his house and home should be “off limits”. They went on to say that he (and his family) deserve the right to peace at their home.

And I have to say, I could not disagree more.

When someone makes part of their “work” to disenfranchise an entire community solely based on their sexual orientation, and then hide their own bigotry behind “religious freedom”, I believe they should be subject to protest wherever they are. As long as it’s not against the law, any protest should be perfectly acceptable.

Why should he have peace when he actively tries to take it away from others?

Brian asked me a question this evening that I didn’t quite know how to answer:

“Why is using the word ‘fuck’ so bad?”

Hmmm, ok.

Let’s see.

I could explain the idea of social norms to him. We could talk about “polite society” and why it’s not “proper” to use “bad” words in public. And let that be the end of it.

I could do all of that.

But I wouldn’t be answering his actual question. His question was “Why?”

So I started thinking…

Why is using the word ‘shit’ any worse than ‘crap’ any worse than ‘bad’?

“That statement is bullshit.” “That statement is crap.” “That statement is bad.”

The last one is fine. The first one is not so. And yet, all three of them are simply syllables that form words. Why are they any different?

The real difference is the meaning to which we give these words. It is a tangible example of how we define ourselves as a (collective) people. As well as who we are as individuals. How we have agreed to live and communicate.

If we deem the word ‘shit’ as bad, then we have all agreed that its usage is discouraged because of its “bad”-ness.

The best example I can think of is the use of the word ‘nigger’. In the worst usage, it is a (terrible) slur against African Americans and, really, any people of color. But think about it this way. It’s only a slur when used in a certain context by a certain group of people.

If that word is used by a certain homogeneous group of like-minded individuals, its usage is not considered bad or hurtful. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

“What up, my nigger?” is something that I have heard by (African American) friends addressing each other. Its usage denotes a sense of oneness, a togetherness, that is shared by those individuals within that group. It’s used in a loving manner, not a hateful one. It’s accepted. And it’s accepted because those within that group have agreed that its usage with one another is acceptable.

Conversely, when used in an entirely different homogeneous group of like-minded individuals (let’s use the KKK as an example here), its usage denotes a sense of hatred and revulsion. And it’s for the same reason. The individuals within that group have all agreed and accepted the fact that the word means something “bad”.

A less polarizing example would be the word ‘love’. We all understand that the use of the word ‘love’ denotes a deeper connection, a deeper sentiment than the use of the word ‘like’. Why? They’re just words, right? But they mean what they mean because we have given them that meaning.

So what did I end up telling Brian about using the word ‘fuck’?

I told him that we, as a group of people, as a society, have determined that the word ‘fuck’ is not to be used in public. It is impolite in an improper context.

And why?

Basically, because WE said so.

Work/Life Balance is bullshit

But work and life are not separate. They are the same, there is only one thing, it’s called LIFE. Work is part of my life, it’s not competing against it.

Causes Of Stuttering 2017: Speech Disorder May Be Triggered By Reduced Blood Flow In Brain Region Linked To Language, Scientists Find

Nervousness and anxiety can get the best of us when we're talking on the phone or speaking in front of a crowd. Words start to come out in fragments as we falter, halt, and hesitate to repeat ourselves to sound more clear. This may be triggered by a bad case of the nerves for some of us, but for over 3 million Americans in the United States, stuttering interferes with daily life.

It’s an everyday struggle, even without the nervousness and anxiety…

The American President (1995)

Tomorrow morning the White House is sending a bill to Congress for it's consideration. It's White House Resolution 455, an energy bill requiring a twenty percent reduction of the emission of fossil fuels over the next ten years. It is by far the most aggressive stride ever taken in the fight to reverse the effects of global warming. The other piece of legislation is the crime bill. As of today, it no longer exists. I'm throwing it out. I'm throwing it out and writing a law that makes sense. You cannot address crime prevention without getting rid of assault weapons and hand guns. I consider them a threat to national security, and I will go door to door if I have to, but I'm gonna convince Americans that I'm right, and I'm gonna get the guns.

I can’t even imagine a president being able to say something like this now. This movie was released in 1995, made in 1994, and probably written years earlier. Our country has (fundamentally) changed. We don’t believe in common sense anymore. We don’t even believe in facts anymore. Everything is so unbelievably partisan.

The last scene in the movie shows President Shepherd walking into the House of Representatives chamber prepared to deliver the State of the Union. I can’t imagine Donald Trump walking into that chamber. I can’t imagine him standing in front of Congress, and giving us (the American people) an update on the state of our country. Not from someone who views his presidency as a gameshow.

We (collectively) are lost.

‘We’re the Only Plane in the Sky’ by Garrett M. Graff September 09, 2016

A wonderful recounting of one of the worst days in our nation’s history, told from a variety of perspectives. A true must-read…

A few thoughts I had while reading:

• This is President George W. Bush's chief of staff Andy Card:

  "I really think President Bush—I know President Bush took office on January 20, 2001—but the responsibility of being president became a reality when I whispered in his ear. I honestly believe as he contemplated what I said, I took an oath. Preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution. It’s not cutting taxes, it’s not No Child Left Behind, it’s not immigration, it’s the oath. When you pick a president, you want to pick a president who can handle the unexpected. This was the unexpected. That’s what the president was wrestling with that day. He recognized the cold reality of his responsibilities."

  I can't imagine Trump being a serious person. Not in the way that is needed to be the president. I just cannot. Believe me, my views of W. are easily noted as not being favorable, but I can absolutely see him as a serious man. I will miss that come late January. I am truly fearful of this.
• As someone who loves (and prefers) wearing jeans, I do love this rule that Bush had for the White House:

  "Karen Hughes, communications director, White House: September 10th was my anniversary, so I had stayed back in Washington. I was scheduled to do a Habitat for Humanity event with [Secretary of Housing and Urban Development] Mel Martinez that required us to wear blue jeans. President Bush didn’t allow blue jeans in the West Wing, so I’d just planned to spend the morning at home."

• This is presidential:

  "[In 2011], the very first telephone call that President [Barack] Obama made after we were sure we’d killed Osama bin Laden was to President [George W.] Bush. President Obama knew that I’d been with him on 9/11, and so he asked me to fly down to Dallas after the raid to brief President Bush personally. I went down about two weeks later and walked President Bush through every aspect of the raid. I thought I could see in his face some sense of closure."

Recently when traveling, I’ve heard the following from flight attendants: “Please make sure all large electronic devices are stored for landing”. I just heard it about 15 minutes ago when we landed. And I think to myself: why?

Is it because they’re afraid if we have some kind of trouble landing that electronic devices will be flying all over everywhere, hitting people in their faces? Ok, fair enough. But wouldn’t that be true of all electronic devices? Hell, wouldn’t it be true of some non-electronic devices? I know for one, I don’t want the gentleman next to me’s big-ass IPad hitting me in the face. So, what we’re really saying is laptops, right? Well, unless you are one of those that likes to bring their secondary monitor onboard and hook it up on your neighbor’s tray table. And if you are that person, you need help. Or maybe you’ve transported back to the 80’s and early 90’s and have a boom box next to you, I think I’m at a safe assumption here.

But laptops. Yes, laptops are bigger than your phone. Bigger than tablets. But they aren’t that much heavier anymore. If they don’t even keep up the illusion of checking for cell connectivity anymore, can’t we just abolish this extra sentence/request that’s muttered hundreds if not thousands of times a day?

Why We Need to Listen to Racists: How To Do Politics Without Preaching

There are kernels of truth in this article. I certainly see that. I believe we should absolutely listen to the “other side” in whatever we are discussing, from whichever side. It’s the basis of coming to a mutual understanding, and ultimately, compromise.

But… I’ll let one of my favorite Twitter-ers sum it up for me (from a series of tweets):

This is called trying and failing. I get that the author is encouraging us to be open and magnanimous in this time, but some positions (IMO) are binary: racism is one. I simply do not understand why I (or anyone) needs to recalibrate my politics to acknowledge racists. Fuck all that.

Part of what’s so bothersome with these conciliatory POVs is that the views the other side literally debase the HUMANITY of others, disavow that their ability, intelligence, morals, character simply by virtue of skin color. Without that basic acknowledgement, no dialog is possible.

On the morning of one of the most bitter and divisive Presidential elections in history, it’s nice to be reminded of the good things that surround the Presidency.

I don’t know if all presidents do this or if it was specifically instituted by President Obama, but did you know that he requests 10 letters to read everyday (that he’s in Washington) before bed? (I learned this on the latest episode of 99% Invisible, pictured above.) That’s 10 letters potentially from everyday people telling them about their fears, their joys, their frustrations, and their sadness.

I can’t pinpoint exactly why, but that gives me at least a little hope heading into this historic day.

#truth

That’s a gorgeous poster. 

I’ve started watching the new HBO show “Westworld”. The idea surrounding the show is one that intrigues me. What does being human mean? How do we as humans distinguish ourselves from technology?

In the second episode (not a spoiler, promise), a character asks the question “Are you real?” The response is exactly why I’m going to like this show a lot. And why it will spawn several forthcoming posts. “If you can’t tell the difference, does it matter?”

Stay tuned…

Woman Sues After Police Destroy Her Home During 10-Hour Standoff With The Family Dog

So, when given a key and consent from the occupant, officers instead chose to grab an armored vehicle and go through several windows and the attic. Even if they believed the suspect might be dangerous, there has to be some middle ground between full-scale assault and simply unlocking the door and stepping inside.

This happened back in 2014 but there’s been no coverage of the Caldwell cops' 10-hour, one-dog standoff until now. Thomas Johnson of Fault Lines suggests that might have something to do with the local paper of record.

Teenage girl struck and killed in SE Portland: driver arrested

Witnesses say one car stopped to let the girl cross and then the gold Lexus went around the car that was yielding to the teenager.

“A lot of people will stop and let people go but other people won’t notice that’s what they’re doing,” Dunagan said. 

The girl was pronounced dead at the scene.

Don’t get me wrong, I really like Slate’s Political Gabfest. I’ve listened to their weekly podcast for over a decade now. Jayme and I even went to their live show here in Atlanta at Georgia Tech’s Ferst Center a month or two ago.

That’s why it drives me crazy when I hear the type of discussion I heard on this week’s episode.

(For those who have not listened to the gabfest before, they always break each episode into three segments, followed by Cocktail Chatter. That means they discuss three main topics for roughly 10-12 minutes each.) The first segment was all about Donald Trump’s (relentlessly) ridiculous week. While trying to get his campaign “back on message”, he had a relatively normal Monday talking about a (somewhat coherent, although see the “charts” video for evidence of being not-so-coherent) economic policy. Then, his week fell apart. He suggested that the “second amendment people” might have a way to stop Hillary Clinton, basically saying they might consider assassinating her. He also called President Obama the founder of ISIS. Yes, you heard that right, the founder of ISIS (what the actual fuck?!?). And even when offered a way to back off of these comments later in the week, he simply doubled down on them.

So, commentary, commentary, commentary…

Then, the second topic was about how politicians can/should apologize in the age of constant media. And this was all about Hillary Clinton’s remarks to Chris Wallace regarding her interview with the FBI Director concerning the email server thing.

Again, commentary, commentary, commentary…

Here’s what angers me. They have set these two topics up to be a back-to-back questioning of the candidate’s bona fides. First, let’s present this candidate’s foibles. Then, we’ll point out the other’s.

AS IF THEY’RE THE SAME THING?!!?!

One is by an assclown who is suggesting that people might think about MURDERING A SITTING PRESIDENT and the other’s is over the candidate’s word choice about a fricking email server. (Believe me, if I hear her say anything to the effect of “it depends on your definition of ‘is’”, I’m going to hurl.)

How are these two even remotely the comparable? Why should anyone make that argument? Did they realize they were doing this in setting up the segments this way?

I see this so much, especially when it comes to Trump. Every stupid fucking thing he does (and there are so very many examples to choose from) is followed by some mention of a Hillary flaw. Most of the time, it’s the damn email server.

Just so frustrating…

Boxers live in drawers. They are not displayed for visiting company. They are not meant to be an object of desire. They serve a purpose. It’s certainly not a glamorous one, but a necessary one. They are not designer. They are Hanes or Fruit of the Loom. They strive to be utilitarian.

In recognition of that, I feel they do not need to be coddled. They don’t need to be crease-free. They will be under jeans or slacks or shorts, which will, by definition, shape them to your leg’s outline anyway.

Therefore, I don’t feel the need to fold them.

That’s right. I said it.

Call: “Hello. I’m Lee, and I do not (normally) fold my boxers." Response: “Hi, Lee!"

I don’t have a space shortage in my boxers drawer. No need to cram. No need to spend the time to make them ergonomic. They’re fine. They are welcome to fall where they may.

Time is precious to me. Having my boxers neatly folded is not.

Life’s too short.

Judge’s order: Elliot Williams' jail cell became ‘burial cell’

The jail’s medical staff began to wonder if Williams might actually be paralyzed from a broken neck, as he claimed. But those in charge did nothing to find out whether his claims were true.

Instead, they watched him slowly dying on a video camera.

Everything about driver services (in every state, but especially Georgia) is f****** maddening. Everything. It has literally led me to scream out loud in my own house, and prompted the kids to ask “What’s wrong with daddy?”

I have to get the tags renewed (what an awesome birthday present for us adults!) and I’m thinking “hey, it’s 2016…surely there’s an easy way to do this online now!”

Nope.

When you visit our lovely state’s DOR services website, you are asked for the RIN number on a sheet of paper they have (supposedly) mailed to you. Which is ludicrous, because what if I never got that piece of mail? What if the dog ate it? Or it got thrown away because one of the kids didn’t know any better? But hey, I actually have it this year, so this should be a breeze, right?

“Please confirm the information on file,” it asks me. Well, everything is correct on the information shown except the unit number of the condo, because we moved last Labor Day. I can’t specifically say “yes, it’s accurate” because they’ll send the new tags to 415, and I don’t live there anymore. That’s not good. So, I have to choose “no, it’s not accurate”. I’m thinking they’ll offer me the option to modify the information so as to let me continue.

Isn’t that awesome??!? This means I have to travel to one of these damn places to change 3 numbers.

3. Damn. Numbers.

So angry.

Also, Jayme recently changed her address on her driver’s license online. I thought that if she could do it (because she has NOT gone through the give-me-everything-but-a-spot-of-urine verification to renew your license yet), that surely I could do it quite easily (since I have gone through that back in 2013). Nope.

On the DDS website, which by the way is NOT linked to the DOR website (which handles the tags) in any way, you have to log in. Ok, maybe I’ve logged in before, maybe I haven’t. I honestly can’t remember. So I tried registering again.

Error.

“You already have an account with this information.” Ok, fair enough. I still don’t remember the login information, so I’ll press this handy dandy little link that says “Forgot User ID”. This should do the trick, right?

Really?!? How the hell is that possible? I didn’t even attempt to log in because I DON’T KNOW THE DAMN INFORMATION. Locks happen because the system is protecting itself from hacking. But I haven’t done anything. And I’m pretty sure that if I do this 2 hours from now or 2 days from now, it’s going to tell me the same stupid message.

Oh, and I DID try to use the Forgot User ID functionality and this is the error you gave me, numnuts.

So…now I have to go to two different places to change the EXACT SAME INFORMATION. Wtaf?

I hate, hate, hate drivers services everywhere. They should all be burned to the ground and started over. And if we’re going to do this, let’s try to incorporate some f****** user experience fundamentals into the design. You know, because maybe, just maybe, real human beings need to use the system you’ve provided.

Today, I became one of the many. Brian and I set out this afternoon for Piedmont Park to look for those elusive little virtual monsters.

It was beautiful outside, if not a little warm (91 degrees, roughly). But it was worth every moment to see Brian having fun without the word Minecraft being involved. And he really did have fun.

As anyone who knows Brian also knows he is a talker, but he took it to the next level today. It probably didn’t help that I didn’t understand what he was talking about, so he felt it was his duty to explain exactly, in excruciating detail, what he was doing and why he was doing it. It was also funny to watch people walk by and smile as he (not so softly) explained to his ignorant dad.

And yes, I now know how to “catch one”.

Recently, I went to the movies (increasingly rare these days) to see “Independence Day: Resurgence”. Beyond the pros and cons of the movie itself (let’s just say it was a bad, but fun, movie), something stuck out to me. In the midst of the world ending around her, a nurse ensures one of her patients (a new mother) that she’s not going to die today.

“You are not going to die today. I promise!”

Really? You promise? Do you really believe that? Despite the really large fireball, larger than the building itself, set to hit you in about 30 seconds?

I understand the dramatic license within the context of the movie. I get that. What I don’t understand is why people say this in real life. Intelligent, rational people. They make promises they have no intent on living up to. Maybe they know at the time of the promise, maybe they don’t. But the fact that they don’t know 100% that they will keep that promise reinforces the fact that they shouldn’t have made it in the first place.

At that point, it’s NOT a promise. It’s a hope. At best.

Yet, we (as humans) won’t lower the sentiment to simply a hope. We keep raising that proverbial bar. We keep promising. And then, we break them.

Why do we believe the disappointment born of a broken promise is better than the disappointment from hope? Or better than simply not promising or instilling the original hope in the first place?

I know I’ve not been clean in this respect over the course of my life. I know that for a fact. To this day, I try to make up for the promises I have broken.

I just wonder why we (as a people) continue to over-promise by default. Give me the truth up front. Every. Time. It’s the trust that matters the most in every relationship we have. Trust in me. And give me every reason, and opportunity, to trust in you.

Don’t promise me something you can’t live up to.

Apple doesn’t understand photography

Apart from that Apple still thinks we use photography as we did it 30 years ago: we go on a trip, take a bunch of photo’s then struggle with how to show our friends these photos when we get back from our trip.

Well, I’ve got news for you Apple; that’s maybe 1% of photography, and not really an issue most of us deal with.

What is the problem that needs fixing? It is that photography is changing. I showed my girlfriend some tiny text on the back of a credit card. Without hesitating she pulled out her camera, took a photo, and then zoomed in on the photo to read the text.

I can’t say that I disagree with van Santen on this point. All of my pictures are not of trips or specific people alone. If you look at my Camera Roll, you will certainly see a collection of photos I’ve taken of my kids, my family, and my friends. But you will also find pictures of work whiteboards, screenshots of clever tweets from Twitter, UI example screenshots, pictures of receipts, and so on, and so on.

[caption id=“attachment_1769” align=“alignnone” width=“576”] Not just photos…[/caption]

I love the idea of classification at the image level. Apple does it with selfies (a recent addition), but that’s a bit of a cheat because it’s based on the camera being used. I’m interested to see how (or if) their new AI processing can help auto-classify some of these pictures (think receipts for a start).

I was bicycling along the canals with my teenage daughter when she spotted a ‘missing cat’ poster. She pulled out her phone, took a photo of the poster without looking twice, and put the phone back into her pocket. I said ‘That’s pretty smart’ and she replied; ‘Well how else are we going to remember all that information if we ever find that cat?’

What if the system could know that the image was an informational poster? And take that information and convert that image into a note and create an entry in the built-in Notes app? That’s intelligence. That’s allowing the data and the image to work together to implement the intent of the original picture.

Looking forward to see what happens in this space…

Trump Attaks Federal Judge in Trump U Case

Mr. Trump also told the audience, which had previously chanted the Republican standard-bearer’s signature “build that wall” mantra in reference to Mr. Trump’s proposed wall along the Mexican border, that Judge Curiel is “Mexican.”

“What happens is the judge, who happens to be, we believe, Mexican, which is great. I think that’s fine,” Mr. Trump said.

Judge Curiel was born in Indiana.

I was perusing Twitter the other day and came across a wonderful witticism from Kent Beck, founder of Extreme Programming:

The craft of programming begins with empathy, not formatting or languages or tools or algorithms or data structures.

Three Years in San Francisco

Former Twitter employee Mike Davidson, articulating some lessons learned about product management, people management, and even how his surroundings have led to a better sense of himself. Well worth a read.

One of the things Mike soeaks to in the article that touched a nerve in me is emotional intelligence:

The definition of emotional intelligence I use may be a little more liberal than most. To me, emotional intelligence means that someone not only picks up on how teammates are feeling, but they also care deeply about running a team in which people are emotionally fulfilled and inspired.

Some people are almost born with emotional intelligence. They have it by the time they get to high school. Others need to spend a bunch of time in the workplace getting experience with all sorts of conflicts and original situations before they have it. And still others will simply never have it, or at least they won’t have it at a level which qualifies them to be what I consider a great manager. You’ve probably met all three of these sorts of people and can pick out the last group pretty easily.

I believe that every organization should make emotional intelligence a requirement of being a manager or executive leader. It should be no less a requirement than ability to recruit, inspire, multitask, prioritize or any other thing we typically require in our leaders. We should interview specifically for it and we should categorically reject as candidates those who show no aptitude for it. Some amount of “learning on the job” is of course ok, but where I struggled the most during my time in San Francisco was dealing with people who showed no ability or desire to balance happiness of people with visible output. False dichotomies like “we can’t optimize for happiness” make the problem even worse. That sort of thinking pre-supposes that somehow happiness is in conflict with execution. It also implies that the whole world is a math problem, which I strongly disagree with.

In the end, it’s about the people who are needed now to make the corporation successful. As layers are added to accommodate multiple levels of multiple departments, people become more and more important. Which means you need people managers. Good people managers. Managers that support, motivate, and strive to make their teams better each and every day.

Too many times, the “old guard” are promoted into management because that’s seen as the logical next step. I think Twitter’s organization of product vs people management is very interesting. One that I think all businesses should at least consider.

Our first date was perfect, and then she died

“When can I see you again?” This was what I liked about Beth. Most people were too busy protecting themselves to be direct. Beth made unflinching eye contact when she spoke to you. I envied the congruence she conveyed between her internal and external worlds.

This perfectly illustrates my everyday…

Caroline is playing “up” in the afternoon game. Older girls. 11v11 instead of 8v8. Much bigger field. She’s scared. And doubting herself. And I can’t do anything about it from the sidelines.

I hate that.

www.youtube.com/watch Simply amazing…and truly one of a kind

Little things bother me. Extremely little things. Things that nobody in the world would probably think about but me. And yet, here they are. Hiding in plain sight from everyone.

Look at this picture: 

 Seems fairly normal, doesn’t it? It is. In fact, it’s the McDonald’s right across the street from the QT I stop at for gas in the morning on the way to work. One low sign. One high in the sky.

But look closer at the lower (street-level) sign: 

 Do you see it?

“OVER99BILLION  SERVED”

I know why it is the way it is. It was a throwback to when they hadn’t served over 99 billion. And while we’re on the subject, 99 billion of what? Hamburgers? Fries? Milkshakes? What?!

Never mind for now. Not the point of this. Why would you intentionally leave the sign like it is? It’s not even. It’s not symmetrical (based on the number 99). It’s just not…right.

Contrast that with the higher sign: 

 Makes a lot more sense, design-wise. The spacing is correct. Centered. And it doesn’t limit them to a specific number ever again. It was always be at least billion served. Perfectly planned for.

Come on McD’s. Fix the lower sign. It drives me nuts every time I look at it.

Oh, and P.S., we still need clarification on what exactly has been served billions and billions of times.

These images are based off of an actual article 10 Meeting Room Designs You Won’t Believe Are Real. But infused with humor from the very funny Chappell Ellison (@ChappellTracker).

                     When I first saw them, I could not stop laughing. 

I really hope they can deliver on this promise. Tesla has set themselves up nicely as THE next car for a lot of people. Fingers crossed.

I am of the belief that toughening up kids is the way to go. I have also always believed that it is your absolute right to punch someone back if they punch you first. Or push. Or slap. Or whatever.So it pains me every Saturday when I watch Caroline play soccer and they have to refrain from pushing (really shoving) back when they are pushed (or shoved) first. And I’m not exactly quiet about it on the sidelines either. But it doesn’t help me, and it certainly doesn’t help the situation, to continue to yell. Caroline has even asked me specifically to be quiet on the sidelines.

But afternoons like this, when I see little shits on the other team, pushing and shoving like this is some kind of rugby match, I am appalled. And not quiet. So much so that I’ve had to separate myself from the other parents. Because I just can’t.

They want to hurt my kid. And they don’t seem to care, because that’s what their over-enthusiastic, self-important dipshit coach teaches them to do. And I want to make them hurt. And the coach that teaches this version of “soccer” to them.

This is not soccer. Not the way it was supposed to be played. My opinion.

I told Caroline before halftime was over to push that little ****** back.

The waves beneath the dock flowed quickly. The wind on this particular evening was blowing slightly harder than usual. It made for a nice breeze that cooled down the day.

The hammock rocked slowly with the wind. Their bodies had been intertwined for several hours as they napped in the afternoon sun. He awoke to a chill from the wind that made his body jump. He hoped he hadn’t woken her up. But the movement of her legs and arms told him he had.

“I’m sorry, sweetie. I didn’t mean to wake you up”, he said.

She snuggled herself into him even more. “No problem. I didn’t realize we had fallen asleep.”

“Kind of nice, isn’t it?” he yawned.

He could feel her smile next to his chest. She looked up to the sky. Clouds had overtaken the afternoon sun, and the bright light they had climbed into not so long ago had turned to a blue gray blanket above them.

She shuffled to get up, making sure not to tip them off balance.

“No, don’t go. Stay here with me”, he said.

She stood up on the creaky dock and looked out to the water. He watched her from his lazy position. Her long hair was blowing in the wind, and he could see the outline of her body as the wind blew her dress against her skin.

She stood there, staring at the lapping water below. Her body didn’t move. She turned around slowly and looked into his eyes.

“Dance with me”, she said. Her voice was calm, but there was a current of determination infused within it.

He slowly got up and out of the hammock’s embrace and stepped into hers. She held him close. Tight at first, as if she were protecting him. Protecting them. But after a few minutes, her grasp became softer. And slowly, even with no music playing, they swayed back and forth until they were one being, moving in unison.

A drop of water fell on her face. The next fell on top of her head and splashed onto his cheek.

“It’s starting to rain”, he said. He backed his head away from hers to see her face. She looked up to meet his gaze.

“So?”

Her look had changed.

“We’re going to get wet if we stay here”, he said.

As if all of the love and want and desire and frustration and uncertainty and hope and desperation she felt was about to burst out of her, she smiled. And a small tear ran down her cheek.

“Then we’ll get wet.”

Trump supporters, protesters clash after Chicago rally postponed

This sums it up pretty well:

Mayor Rahm Emanuel praised officers' effort under difficult circumstances.

“For all of us who cherish the ideals upon which our country was founded, the hateful, divisive rhetoric that pits Americans against each other demeans our democratic values and diminishes our democratic process,” he said in a statement.

One of my favorite new podcasts is Top Scallops with Merlin Mann (“Hi! Can I axe you a question?") and Max Temkin (one of the creators of Cards Against Humanity). Ostensibly, it’s about the reality show Top Chef. As with any podcast that Merlin is on, however, it’s not necessarily just about the titular topic at hand. To say it can go a bit tangent-y at times is being rather generous. But hey, that’s why I like the show so much!

In their most recent episode (It Snogged Out), they came around to talking about expertise. It was based on a scene in the most recent episode where this week’s celebrity chef Hubert Keller was describing his process for formulating a new idea for a new dish. According to Max’s notes from the show (I’ve never seen it, so I have no firsthand knowledge), Keller sits down once the restaurant is closed and empty with glass of wine and considers the current menu. He thinks about which dish he would like to change, as well as what dish he would like to replace it with. He then draws the dish he wants to create. On paper. Where the bone goes, where the sauce goes, and even the texture of the plated dish for the consumer.

To be honest, I had never thought of a chef drawing a dish he was trying to conceive. I do this all the time with screen design, but had never considered it for a chef.

Building off of this story, Merlin and Max delve into a discussion that, to me, really gets to the heart of what makes an expert an expert. I found this very interesting because I’ve been thinking a lot about it myself. As I’ve grown in my role at my job, I’ve noticed that there are now others who look to me for expertise. Even when I don’t consider myself one in my own mind (see a future post about Imposter Syndrome coming soon).

The idea of expertise really boils down to details. The details that only an expert in their field will appreciate. Because only the expert knows which questions to ask. They know how to lay it out in their own mind; how exactly this piece fits with that piece or this piece of information will fit into the larger puzzle to create the solution that is sought from all parties involved. This exactly explains Keller sitting down and planning his dish. Down to the very specific detail of where to place the bone on the plate itself. He knows the details of how to get this dish from idea to reality.

In recent years, Max attended an Edward Tufte course. Something Tufte said (in almost a throw-away comment), Max can still quote today:

A question you can ask in almost every situation to bring clarity to what you're doing is to ask someone, and to ask yourself, 'how do you know that?'

That struck me. Take that with Merlin’s earlier discussion on “And then what?” and you arrive at the starting point of how to look at a problem with expert eyes. And from an expert frame of mind.

Everyone likes to be an idea guy. It’s a quick win in a meeting, a high five from the group, and possible serious credit down the line when the idea is implemented into a successful, tangible thing. I get it. I’ve even been the idea guy from time to time. I know how tempting it can be to brush off the details with a quick “It can’t be that hard. We’ll figure it out later.” But what we (all seemingly) miss is that the expert’s job is to come in and take the idea (presumably from the idea guy) and create something real from it. The expert’s job is to “figure it out”. That’s where the questions start. The “And then what?” questions. Followed by “How do you know that?”.

While it can certainly come across as confrontational, most of the time, the expert is simply trying to suss out where the idea needs to go and (even more) how to get it there. How much it is perceived as confrontational really depends on the expert’s personality/people skills and the nature of the relationship between the idea guy and the expert. It can be a very rewarding and thought-provoking experience if done and approached correctly.

I’ve been told that I frustrate people when they bring ideas to me and ask me to implement them. I do exactly what I’ve described above. I ask them “and then what?” or “how do you know that?”. Or even “what happens when it doesn’t happen?”. These are the questions nobody wants to think about because it’s too granular. Too “in the weeds”. Too “time consuming” for the discussion at hand. What they don’t understand is that’s the world I live in, and the world my team and I have to live in to be successful in implementing these ideas. It’s also a pretty good metric to judge if we are (collectively) good at our jobs.

We ask these questions, and maybe even spoil the serotonin high of a great idea, because we want to see the idea succeed. And we care enough to help the idea, and whoever came up with the idea, to see it through.

No one ever said being an expert was going to be easy!

I don’t typically feel surrounded or trapped. Especially by the night. Or even simply by silence. It is so infrequent in my life that when I experience it (like I am tonight) it’s unsettling at first. The night itself envelopes me in a feeling unlike any other. It encloses me in its blanket of darkness. Intellectually, I know it’s the same environment I was in mere hours before. But it’s different. In my bones, the overwhelming sense of being alone makes it different.

As I walk along the pier to the outermost dock, I hear popping sounds. Sounds that, at a distance, sound like the pop rocks we used to throw down as kids. Up close, however, I realize it’s the packed mud underneath the pier expelling oxygen. Almost like it’s breathing. Pops here and there pepper the otherwise silent soundtrack.

I look up as I continue walking. And I am amazed to see the stars. They are so clear and so bright. They are so beautiful that I can’t even describe it. A picture from my phone does it even less justice than words would. The Little Dipper. The Big Dipper. The North Star. The moon shining so brightly it leaves a trail when I look away. I don’t normally see this living in the city. I am mesmerized by the simplicity of it all.

The dock gently sways with the water beneath, and I can hear small fish surfacing and re-diving every now and again. It’s warmer than it was this afternoon. I guess the wind in the area has died down quite a bit.

I stand in the middle, just…being.

Minutes pass. An hour.

The feeling remains.

Weariness kicks in. After a long day of driving and a couple of drinks with dinner, I can feel the exhaustion coming quickly. I turn to walk back down the pier toward the house. Halfway down though, I stop.

How often do I get the opportunity to just be? When it’s just me, the darkness, the silence, and a pier? I turn back to walk again toward the dock.

This is the time, Lee. To soak it in. To feel the warmth surround you. Relish the darkness. The solitude. These are the times to remember when stress levels peak. When it seems like you can’t catch a break. And the world seems to be against you.

That is what has brought me to this place. This magical place of solace. And mud popping. And star gazing.

It is time.

I was listening to Slate’s Political Gabfest this afternoon and found myself frustrated in hearing, yet again, that people are sick of “years and years and years of politicians saying a lot of words that are basically meaningless” (John Dickerson). That this is why Bernie Sanders and (with much more impact) Donald Trump are putting up such impressive campaigns this year. I’ve heard it from podcasts. I’ve read it in new stories, blogs, and articles. I’ve even seen it on the increasingly small amount of TV that I’m able to watch.

And I just don’t understand something.

Are people really this gullible?

“[Candidate X] listens to me.” “[Candidate X] stands up for us.” “[Candidate X] is not afraid to speak their mind.” “[Candidate X] doesn’t sound like a politician.” “[Candidate X] sounds like a real person.”

Every time I come across these sayings, the internal voice in my mind is screaming “UNTIL THEY DON’T!!!” The “doesn’t sound like a politician” one really gets to me because I hear these people say this as they walk out of a POLITICAL RALLY. I mean, come on.

I even heard Emily Bazelon even say “sometimes it’s like a breath of fresh air when I hear Donald Trump because it’s not what a politician would say”.

Breath of fresh air? Breath of fresh air?!?!

Let’s not get it twisted, I could write a very long screed on my thoughts on what a horrible gasbag Donald Trump is, but I won’t right now. Let’s just say these “fresh air” statements are incredibly disturbing, inflammatory, racist, and just flat out mean. And yet, people believe in him. And his direction. (Never mind he has given ZERO policy statements deeper than “make America great again”.)

But I still come back to the idea that people truly believe the things these people say at these rallies. Like anyone could actually live up to everything that they say when attempting to court votes in an election. If there’s anything we’ve learned, the hope of a revolutionary candidate (or candidacy) can always be squashed by bullshit politics in the everyday. We’ve seen this time and time again. President Obama is just the most recent example. I personally had hope of radical change in the way things are accomplished in Washington. I was proven mostly wrong.

The funny thing is it’s not always the candidate’s fault. With Obama, my lord, could Congress have been any more ridiculous? Even right now in the midst of Antonin Scalia’s vacant Supreme Court seat, Congressional Republicans publicly state things they know to be against the spirit of the Constitution. And even state that President Obama’s constitutionally spelled out job is not the right thing to do. I’m quite sure they ran (in their own elections) on upholding and protecting the Constitution. Yet, here they are. NOT doing that.

I wanted to believe in the fervor of change. I bought into it. And I still believe having a president of color was a great step forward in this country. But I can no longer believe that any meaningful change will happen as long as the political temperature stays what it is right now.

I want to believe in some of the radical changes Sanders is proposing. But I’d consider myself naive to believe any of those things could actually happen. Regardless if they should or not.

And I’m not even going to touch the stupidity and outright hatred that Trump espouses. Does he really believe the things he is saying? My guess is probably not. But he’s saying them nonetheless. And he certainly has convinced a lot of people that he does.

A topic for another day…

The more I listen to singer/songwriter Matt Nathanson, the more I like him. I don’t mean just his music, which I like very much already. Twitter has opened the door for artists like Matt to share their personal thoughts as well as their music with fans and followers alike.

This past February 18th, Matt was up late (California time) and tweeting. Here are his series of tweets (unedited in all its Twitter shorthand glory):

I'm not sure how people turn off the world. lately, for me, it just feels like a faucet that's been left on.

we get so much information. so many voices. screaming their opinion. being an actual expert on something has so little currency.

it’s so hard to get humans to focus on real problems. because no one feels empowered. why is it so hard to love ourselves?

we are capable of so much greatness. but we spend so much of our time squandering our energy on fear-based, useless hate.

90% of people know just enough about things like race and government. and the environment. to be paralyzed. and no one listens.

i mean… we have a presidential candidate who posted a photo of a fucking gun on his socials and wrote ‘america’

the only way to get your message heard through the din is blunt force trauma.

and we are so polarized and hopeless as a country, that NO ONE HEARS ANYONE.

garbage in / garbage out. this is just a fact. where is the nutrition coming from in this culture? we need voices of fucking kindness.

and empathy. on REAL issues. not just photos of fucking cats.

we have to see the bigoted, racist, sexist parts of ourselves. and be honest about them. in order to evolve past them. we have to LISTEN

to other people’s experiences. and shut our fucking mouths. (this coming from the king of privilege over here.. straight, white, and male.)

it is our job to be optimists. it is our job to be kind. it is our job to live our life without hurting ourselves or others.

it is our job to clear space for the voices of those without voices. it is our job to listen to those we don’t understand.

it is our job to treat these fundamental problems at their roots. not beat them over the head with a sledgehammer and think they will die.

most of the stuff we fear and guard against, as individuals, NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENS TO US. what a colossal waste of energy.

Sitting on the edge of the river walk on a beautiful and clear Seattle night, I see lights emerge in the sky. They seem to burst into life, as if from the heavens. They are streaking across the sky, left to right. On their way to oblivion.

Yet, they turn when they are almost out of view. And they head toward me. Growing bigger as they get closer. The lights suddenly light a trail in the water below. Shimmering. Dancing. On their own way through the night.

These lights grow larger and larger, until they start to form their own unique shape. There’s one light. No two. No, now even four.

The plane passes overhead. It’s booming sound cutting into the gentle lapping of the waves. It passes straight overhead. And I look up to watch it float over me.

As I bring my head back down, I look across the water again. And there they are. More lights emerging from the heavens. And the dance begins again.

When a significant amount of discussion is devoted to the topic of how much data the kids' iOS games are using every month.

Thank you for the Cellular section in Settings, Apple.

“I’m a tearless clown. If I were to get a tattoo, it would be the Two Masks, and they would both be smiling.” - Andy Samberg

Not in the funny way. Not in the playful, whimsical, joyous way we all grew up believing clowns to be. And not in the murderous, kidnapping way we sometimes see on television and in movies (I’m looking at you, Mr. King).

No, I’m talking about the very nature of what is means to be a clown. I’m talking about the real human being that is hidden beneath while the character of the clown is presented to the world. Hidden by makeup. Hidden by an act. Hidden by a role that was designed to make everyone on the outside happy. To portray and project a sense of serenity.

Let me ask you something. Are you the same person at work that you are when you’re at home? What about family gatherings? Out with friends? At church? Are you playing a part, becoming a character? Do you hide what is “real” underneath a facade of your own making?

There’s no suspense here in you answering that question for yourself. We all know the answer is yes, and we don’t even pretend to that it’s not. I know I play a character. One that’s based on me, but is not exactly the me that I know inside.

The truth of the matter is that if we didn’t hide, if we didn’t adopt that facade, we’d expose ourselves for who we really are. The person we know inside. We’d expose the complications. The ugliness and the beauty. The ways and thoughts and feelings that make us tick.

Those things that make us laugh hysterically. Those things that make us cry uncontrollably. Those things that make us rage with fury. Those things that make us unbelievably happy. Those things that make us nervous. And confident. And stressed. And relaxed. And on. And on. And on.

These are the feelings and ways with which we cope with everyday life. And we only let them out to roam inside our own mind. We keep them bottled up to avoid hurting others, or pushing them away. We try to keep ourselves safe. To maintain the peace. We have whole conversations in our heads to make sure we can think through difficult scenarios. We attempt to prepare ourselves for those inevitable real-life discussions. Those conflicts you dread having with another person. Or just the opposite. Those joyous moments you want to make sure you’re ready for. So you can say just the right words or do just the right thing.

So why do we (collectively) do this?

I believe we have an inherent human desire to be “ok”. We want to be okay with ourselves and okay with the outside world. And we want the outside world to be okay with us. We need normalcy. An even keel. We crave it. Why do you think the most oft-asked question from one human being to another is “Are you ok?”

We are also scared. Scared if we ever let others see the real human being beneath that we’d scare them off. Scared that we’d anger them, or even worse that we’d hurt them. We are terrified that we are not, in fact, “ok”.

Thus, we hide what is beneath. We suit up as best we can to deal with that scary, unpredictable, complicated place known as the outside world. We put on our makeup.

As I said, we are all clowns.

I’ve been thinking a lot about writing lately. I miss it. I miss being able to articulate an issue and explain myself and my way of thinking. For those who know me, you know I can sometimes get too caught up in my fervor or “rightness” to make a good, concise argument in real-time. Facebook, Twitter, and the like don’t work well, either. They are so short, and seem to be meant for broad-based communication in an overly concise manner.

I write well, when I have the motivation and when I find the time. I guess that’s my biggest issue right now. I have the motivation for most of the day. But for most of the day, I don’t have time to sit down and write. And when that time finally does come (at the end of the day when the kids are finally in bed), I have lost that motivation. Or better put, that motivation has given in to weariness. Exhaustion hits me and my mind and body say “watch a quick TV show and then go to bed”. And recently, that thinking has won out.

I’ve got to change that.

Somehow.

The truth of the matter is that I have topics written up in my little virtual notebook, just waiting to be expanded upon and given the proper treatment. Somehow, that motivation has to learn to defeat the weariness, the exhaustion.

If anybody figures out how to make sure that happens, please let me know :)

 Oh wait… 

(Photo credit: Pete Souza, @petesouza)

  I don’t know what KSP is, but the rest of the sentiment is spot-on. Sigh. Is this what happens throughout your thirties? Follow-up: KSP is actually http://kerbalspaceprogram.com/  

  So unbelievably creepy...

theuserisdrunk.com

Brilliant!

This is the kind of fun we should be putting into our software. Our jobs as designers and developers, and especially our end user's jobs, don't have to be dull and boring. If what we do puts a smile on even one person's face, we're helping them. We're making their lives better.

(Screenshot from MailChimp)

I hope he's still saying these kinds of things when he's 28.

Whenever you set up a new iPhone, Apple kindly adds a playlist to it that references all of the music you've purchased from iTunes in the past. Let's do some quick math, shall we. Let's say that that the average price per song is $1.15 (remember songs used to be $0.99, before jumping to $1.29).

That means I've spent $1,764.10 on iTunes music. I'll let that sink in a bit. Just on music. Keep in mind what that doesn't include: apps, movies, books, ringtones, etc.

My oh my...

Jonathan Ive and the Future of Apple

There were times, during the past two decades, when he considered leaving Apple, but he stayed, becoming an intimate friend of Steve Jobs and establishing the build and the finish of the iMac, the MacBook, the iPod, the iPhone, and the iPad. He is now one of the two most powerful people in the world’s most valuable company.

Fascinating article on Apple's lead designer and de facto direction maker. A long read, but a very good one.

A couple of things that stand out to me:

• I've commented before on the old MacBook "sleep" light. The one where it blinks as if a sleeping heartbeat. There's an anecdote in the piece that says people complained about it keeping them up while it sat on their nightstand. I always liked that little touch in he older laptops.
  
• The designers who work under Ive are said to work 12 hour days. 12 hours. Do these people have families? Significant others? Lives outside of the office? Those kinds of working hours seem unsustainable. And borderline unhealthy. Just my initial, gut reaction.
  

A well-written piece am definitely worth checking out.

Source: The New Yorker

…is when you know you handled a situation incorrectly with your child. I overreacted. I was harsh. And I didn’t need to be. So many other ways to handle that situation.

Damn it

“Hi Lee”, says the group.

No, not that kind of social drinker. I’m talking about coffee here, not alcohol. (Although, I would definitely call myself a very social drinker. I don’t tend to drink much of anything, alcohol-related that is, when I’m by myself. Hmm. Never really thought about that too much, but it’s true.)

When it comes to coffee, I drink a cup as I’m getting the kids up, fed, and ready for school. But after that, it’s more routine than anything else if I have any more. Some days, I fix myself a traveler (I’m really not talking about alcohol. Promise!). But there are other days where I’m essentially done for the day with coffee.

That’s a normal day. But when I’m in a social situation, I can drink a lot more coffee. And I even drink it faster, which I don’t really understand. I was recently at An Event Apart, where they served breakfast. Like most conferences, you eat in groups of your peers. I drank probably twice as much coffee as I normally do. Even when I meet someone for coffee, one on one, I drink more. It’s like I’m more focused on it or something.

Why?

Maybe it’s because it makes me feel more comfortable. Like it’s a security blanket or something. Hmmm…

I quickly whipped together an update and got it submitted, promising the users it would be fixed in around a weeks time. This update was literally a 2 line fix in the code, so I thought I had nothing to worry about.

Fast forward a week and Apple has binary rejected the update on copyright grounds as you are able to find Disney images (amongst other names) using the app. I use Tumblr’s API and Imgur’s API to retrieve the the GIFs, the same GIFs that are available in the Tumblr app and through the Safari browser.

I have been identified as an Apple fan for years (and rightly so). I have also been accused of being an Apple apologist. If you believe that, let me break that thought process right now. What happened to Matt is utterly ridiculous and Apple should be ashamed that they are treating their customers (yes, not retail customer, but still a valid customer) like this. It’s ok to have a rule, but make sure that rule, and the upholding of that rule, makes sense. Don’t be afraid to make an exception. And don’t hide behind a corporate “because I said so”.

Source: http://blog.mattcheetham.co.uk

Designing for Crisis Eric Meyer, Author, CSS: The Definitive Guide

• crisis drives you “how do i get to my [loved one]"
• opened iPhone and went to find Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia; saw full desktop site
• couldn’t figure out how to navigate; couldn’t think clearly
• looked in center column (where the content should be)…nothing of use
• looked in left column for structure…nothing of use
• looked for site navigation (admittedly subtle and themed correctly)…missed it completely the first time
• no consistency in verbiage (Emergency Room vs. Emergency Department)
• placement of “Contact Us” (and font) looked like ad (brain is trained for it)
• so many roadblocks to finding the answer to the simple question of how to find your loved one
• “You don’t get to decide what your users will want to do on mobile. They do.” - Karen McGrane
• we don’t get to decide their mood, their concentration level, their ability to think clearly
• TIP: add another persona to your end user list: someone in crisis
• Empathy: fully imagine being a person who DOESN’T know how this shit works
• YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT SIMPLE
• TIP: on top of persona, add contexts to user requirements (example: time of day)
• helpful tip for airline passengers: Airlines should provide (in-app) maps of the airport, with a route pointing the user from the gate they are arriving into to the connecting flight’s departure gate (relieves stress)
• error handling: you’ve got to tell the user what action to take if an error occurs
• processing: you’ve got to tell the user that the system is working
• give the users options that will fit within the context they are in (car accident; do not force IE on them)
• do things that will never be noticed; if they are never noticed, you’ve done your job
• they will never thank you, but the thanks is from all of us to you

Talk Links Torre Kean’s Notes hipmunk.com

Smaller, Faster Web Sites Mat Marquis, Developer, Bocoup

• Users care about their information and how they can get to it and use it
• We force our own context on our users (we assume high transfer rates / fast processors / lots of memory)
• Need to build a “Built for me” site, not a “Works best on…"
• Page weight (i.e. faster load times) opens opportunity for so many things
• currently, mobile/tablet usage accounts for 35% of all Worldwide Internet traffic
• EDGE is 50% of that usage; 3G is 30%; leaving 20% 4G+
• 71% people expect websites to load faster on phone than desktop
• 72% of responsive sites send roughly the same data to mobile and desktop users
• “Cutting down on the weight of our images is the single greatest bandwidth shaving we can achieve.”
• Smaller Websites
  • average page weight: 2MB
  • JS crept up in size; images have become much worse (retina is the reason)
  • srcset to the rescue
  • icons are a problem, too (“Pictures shouldn’t be made of math”)
  • SVG’s supposedly to the rescue (not all browsers support; looking at you Android)
• Faster Websites
  • Critical CSS (serve only stylesheets needed for current context)
    • initial TCP/IP connection carries 14KB (sends markup and head content)
    • the rest of the requests happen after the initial connection
  • Deferred Loading of Webfonts
    • most browsers wait 3 sec to load webfont before falling back to system defaults
  • Set a Performance Budget
• We build purpose, not just websites
• “I take pride in building things that are invisible. That’s beautiful.” -@wilto #aeaatl

Talk Links Torre Kean’s Notes Chris Zacharias: Page Weight Matters janocycles.com Grunt grunticon grunticon.com fontsquirrel.com/tools/webfont-generator Above-the-Fold Detector

Responsive Images Are Here. Now What? Jason Grigsby, Co-Founder, Cloud Four

• Currently shipped in Opera and Chrome
• In development for Safari and Firefox; IE “considering"
• Images have always been difficult (remember web colors?)
• Use Cases
  1. Resolution Switching (one image, multiple sizes)
  2. Art Direction (cropping when/where appropriate -OR- different assets)
• is always required
  • Sometimes, is all you need
  • But what about high density displays?
  • srcset to the rescue: 1X vs 2X display density identifier
  • if that’s not enough, provide browser with width specs
• How do browsers pick the correct source image from ?
  • Images are downloaded before size is known (viewport is only known size)
  • Tug of war between Lookahead processor vs. Responsive Images
  • The pre-parser is why we can’t solve responsive images with CSS/JS/new image format
    • BUT…it makes browsing experience 20% faster
• Sizes
  • provides max-width queries to base images on viewport width (vw)
  • Let the browsers be smart
• So when do we use ?
  • art direction (providing different images based on context)
• What about CSS?
  • Art Direction
    • image-set(): can be used in CSS where src-set would be used inline
    • image-set() doesn’t support density definitions yet
    • Image Breakpoints: images normally tell you when they need to change
  • Resolution Switching
    • Image Breakpoints: Hmm…don’t have any idea (depends on image, need, rules, etc)
• Responsive Image Community Group
• Use of polyfills work with older browsers (Scott Jehl)

Talk Links Torre Kean’s Notes A List Apart: Responsive Images in Practice PictureFill

Prototyping and Play Dave Rupert, Paravel; The Shop Talk Show

• Co-host of Shop Talk Show (co-host with Chris Coyier)
• Tools to Help
  1. Clicky Image Prototypes
     • invisionapp.com (prototyping)
     • flinto.com
  2. Clicky Motion Prototypes
     • framer.js
     • Origami
  3. Code Prototypes
     • codepen.io
     • jekyllrb.com
     • Pattern Labs (atomic design) (patternlab.io)
  4. Frameworks & Libraries
     • getbootstrap.com
     • foundation.zurb.com
     • ionicframework.com
• “Spend less time designing the Container and more time designing the Content.” - Trent Walton
• How We Prototype
  • Goal: get to code as soon as possible
  • Start with sketching
  • “The fidelity of your prototype should match the fidelity of your thinking.” - Jared Spool
  • Share what you’re building; make sure people know what you’re doing, the decisions you’re making
  • “Don’t Hoard the Process"
    • unintentionally creates animosity
  • Web Design is a Team Sport
  • We’ve got to set goals to match skills
• Benefits of Prototypes in the Workplace
  • Prototypes help solve arguments
  • “Won’t work ‘cause it’s weird” - Me. Every project ever.
  • “If a picture is worth a thousand words, a prototype is worth a thousand meetings.” -IDEO
  • You WOW upper management
  • “The technical challenges of integrating with the CMS are huge when [a design is] not even tested yet.” - Chris Balt, Microsoft, on the RWD Podcast
• The Costs of Not Shipping
  • Turnonver
• Biggest Failures
  1. Too Many Designers
  2. Didn’t Code Soon Enough

Talk Links Torre Kean’s Notes Making Front-end Development a Team Sport

Content Amid Chaos Sara Wachter-Boettcher, Author, Content Everywhere

• We love the web, so we don’t want to see it trashed
• Gripes about websites:
  • Always late
  • Not mobile-ready
  • Too corporate
  • Totally irrelevant
  • Way too long
  • Redundant
• We’re really talking about “not-my-problem” or “too-big-to-try” problems, not content problems.
• How can web projects fix those problems?
  • Turn your project into a catalyst project
    1. Make change feel achievable
       • most people want to do a good job
         • but big problems feel…big
       • Start with just one thing (Visible / Valuable / Scope-able)
         • sweet spot is between your skills and area of influence and what’s causing problems right now
       • Fix something…don’t necessarily fix everything
         • Small wins build optimism
    2. Aim for ownership
       • We can’t just wait around for “someone else” to fix it
       • We need people to take charge
       • Get people problem-solving together (Ask, don’t just tell.) (Do, don’t just talk.)
       • Doing things with people > doing things for people.
    3. Get a commitment
       • Maps give us momentum
       • Maps connect vision to operations (defines where you’re headed)
       • example: Unstructured (scattered) content ——> Structured (indexable) content
       • Identify potential projects / challenges: break down into tasks
       • Decide who will lead each charge / Set a cadence for progress
       • Maps keep us moving
       • We’re not here for perfection. We’re here to change for the better.

Talk Links Torre Kean’s Notes

Magical UX and the Internet of Things Josh Clark, Principal, Global Moxie

• Interactions not just keyboard/mouse anymore; now there’s touch/natural gestures
• Design beyond the screen is coming; we have to be ready (“Expecto Patronum” is coming)
• Common technology will lead to these new design interactions to user experiences

A Performance in Three Acts

1. Magic & Technology
   • “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” - Arthur C. Clarke
   • “Fantasy fuels a need for a simpler, more controllable world.” - Alan Kay
   • “One goal: Make the computer disappear” - Alan Kay
   • The phone is the first Magic Wand (aka Internet of Things Device) for everyone
   • Sensors + Smarts + Connectivity = Magic
   • “Mobile is available at the point of inspiration.” - Tomi Ahonen
   • Mobile phones bring computing power to immobile objects (we can now embed smart brains in anything)
   • Average smartphone screen time: 3+ hours a day.
   • The more connected we are the more disconnected we are
2. Physical Meets Digital
   • Physical interaction with a digital API
   • The world IS the interface
   • The world IS ALSO a data source
   • The world is a big canvas
   • The world has depth and mass
   • Gather data for insight; Channel intention
3. Magic, Imagined
   • “What is ____ was magic?”
   • Add insight, not just data
   • Make the tech invisible
   • Build systems smart enough to know they’re not smart enough
   • Algorithms can go VERY wrong
   • The magic is not about the thing; it’s about the combo of sensors/smarts/connectivity
   • Technology should amplify our humanity

• It’s not “Can We?”, it’s “How Will We?"

Talk Links Torre Kean’s Notes bit.ly/browser-magic

What does it feel like to live in the future?

An Oklahoma legislative committee overwhelmingly voted to ban Advanced Placement U.S. History class, persuaded by the argument that it only teaches students “what is bad about America.” Other lawmakers are seeking a court ruling that would effectively prohibit the teaching of all AP courses in public schools.

I don’t even know what to say…

Source: thinkprogress.org

My notes from An Event Apart 2015 - Atlanta:

General Links

• CoffeCup's Responsive Email Designer
• meyerweb.com: Friday Figure
• A List Apart: The Love You Make

Jeffrey Zeldman The Work That Dare Not Speak its Name

• "They still see you as how they hired you. First impressions are forever"
• Great work + bad attitude = fired
• Tell the story of the project’s success.
• Dare to speak. Unlock your inner voice. Blog!
• "Expert" just means you started before someone else.
• How to be You
  • Know yourself; change yourself
  • Manage your managers
  • Blogs and side projects show what you can do

• Torre Kean's Notes

Sarah Parmenter Designing for Social Behavior

• Why do people comment?
  • Is it doing any good?
  • People comment due to “Participation Media” -> people want to make ripples
  • Tribe Behavior/Mentality
  • People will find loopholes. ALWAYS!
• Never had a crisis meeting about anyone’s genitalia
• Lovers and haters are always the quickest to become known
• How to Capture Users
  1. Commitment to the Cause
     • consistency (relied upon to keep producing)
     • Show up and do it…again and again and again
  2. Authenticity
     • give users something they can’t get elsewhere
     • be honest, brutally honest
     • real always wins out
  3. Emotion
     • free people prime example
     • use user-generated content (viewed as very authentic)
     • tweets are very positive and airy
     • blog: constantly updated (most posts are aspirational)

Talk Links

• Torre Kean's Notes

Samantha Warren Change or Die: Creating Successful Design Methods for a Multi-Device World

As designers, we are set in our ways As designers we tend to get set in our ways, we need to adapt to the users context instead of our own Yet, we are in a constantly changing profession (especially devices) Blindsided by Context Reasons People Don’t Change

1. Fear
2. Time
3. Comfort (we must empathize) Passion is infectious. Change is infectious if passion is there. cnn.com responsive re-design Tactics for executing change:
4. Plant the seed
5. The Already Done (just do it)
   • A prototype can save a thousand meetings
6. Money Talks
   • Speak the language of business (convincing for change)
   • How can it impact money, bottom line, sales, etc
   • Process Change: Design = Time = Money
7. Share
   • Internally (Basecamp, Yammer, blogs, emails, etc)
   • Publicly (conferences, blog posts, white papers)

“If it’s not in the wiki, then it doesn’t exist.”

Talk Links

• Torre Kean's Notes
• Medium: Story Map

Yesenia Perez-Cruz Design Decisions Through the Lens of Performance

No one sets out to design a slow, heavy site

• poor planning, communication, awareness Design is a balancing act (help users build up brands and goals vs business goals) Consider overall user experience (not just visuals) What is performance?
• how quickly web pages load
• how quickly content is delivered to intended audience Why design for performance?
• online users allow 1-2 seconds of load time
• users go to competitors if loads 250ms faster
• global network speeds vary significantly How do we do this?

1. Think about performance from beginning
   • make performance a project goal (in requirements doc)
2. Establish performance budget
3. Communicate and document.

Talk Links

• Torre Kean's Notes
• Image Optim

Tim Brown Typesetting Body Text Like a Pirate Jedi with a DeLorean

Talk Links

• Torre Kean's Notes
• Universal Typography
• Flippant
• Modular Scale

Dan Mall So…What Do I Make?

Designers Plan

• Interview (ask the users; after all, they use it)
• Write Manifesto -Creative Direction (point of view): says what you’re going to do AND what you’re NOT going to do

Designers Inventory

• Interface Inventory - take an interface inventory; consolidate, consolidate, consolidate - makes user’s cognitive load smaller
• Performance Budget - it does matter! (sometimes life and death -> Radio Free Europe) - take an inventory of now: cut it to 80% of current load time -> goal
• Visual Inventory - Find examples of “other” ways to view their business/brand - Look for color, concept, and tone for the client

Designers Sketch

• Element Collage - listen to the client; listen for phrases - turn those powerful phrases into visual hooks - show different variations to show possibilities
• Prototypes - Each prototype must take less than 1 hour - 1st prototype should be something anyone can build - build ugly (always come back to the ugly to polish) - every prototype should solve one problem and one problem only

Designers Assemble

• Mise en place (everything in its place
• Libraries (building a comp is dragging elements in) - Pattern Lab (atomic design framework idea)
• Ultimate Tool for Designers: Empathy

Talk Links

• Torre Kean's Notes
• Ommwriter
• Visual Inventory
• Typecast
• RIF
• Photoshop Creative Cloud Libraries

A Long Decline

Have young people too lazy to learn to write been with us since the very beginning? A collection of proverbs in Sumerian—the world’s first written language—suggests that they have. “A junior scribe is too concerned with feeding his hunger,” contends one. “He does not pay attention to the scribal art.” It seems that the slovenly teenager, not to mention the purse-lipped schoolmaster, is at least 4,000 years old.

Source: The Econimist

If only Hitchcock knew about these signs back in the day…

The infamous barred owl known for swooping down on runners and sometimes clawing scalps at Bush’s Pasture Park in Salem, has not only instilled fear in the hearts of many a jogger, but has also inspired the installation of at least 10 bright orange “angry owl” warning signs at the park on Thursday morning.

Source: Stateman Journal

It hits you when you least expect it. This particular Friday morning, it was while I was driving to the office. Tons of things on my mind:

• What do I need to get done today from my project list?
• What are the tasks from yesterday I didn’t get to finish? Are there any meetings I have?
• Mom asked us to mail the mail to her, need to make sure to text Jayme and ask her to mail them.
• Brian has chess this afternoon, do I need to pick him up or did Jayme say she would? I’ll ask her while I text her about the mail.
• What’s up with this traffic? Why is 285 East closed? Did something happen?
• I need to make sure I don’t have anything on Saturday morning so I can sleep in. So tired.
• I took my medicine this morning, right? Yeah, I think I did.
• Wow, too much coffee this morning.

And so on and so on.

But then, my phone shuffles to a particular song. I know it by heart. I buffer it into my brain as the song begins. I soon feel those other things fall away. That cloud of stress is lifted (even if for only a little bit). I know the experience I’m about to have with this song. I know what it does to me. I know how it makes me feel. And it makes me feel good. And, oh my goodness, do I need that this morning. It may be Friday, but I am tired and stressed about so many things. Until this song starts playing…

Carrie Underwood’s “Something In the Water” sets the tone from the first couple of bars. The driving beat is light (this is not Bon Jovi, after all), but it is light enough that it has somewhere to go. It has something to build to. And as the song progresses, it becomes relentless. Carrie’s tone is spot on, too. And by that, I mean the tone of the message it is meant to convey. You can feel it pulsing through her voice. And the music just validates that passion. The chorus joins in. And it is on.

This song is pure inspiration. It makes my heart grow a little larger just by listening to it. It gives me those wonderful, jubilant butterflies. It makes my soul richer. There is a smile that starts deep inside of me that finds its escape through my lips. It makes me feel good. It is the power of music in action.

Seeing the Light

“Hold on a minute, Lee”, you might be saying. “This is a religious song. A Christian song. You’re not exactly the religious kind of guy.” And you’d be right. I’m not. But there are certain things that transcend religious beliefs. And one of those things is music. Music is universal. It is not tied to one thing vs. another. It is not contentious. It is beloved throughout the world from every race, gender, religion, lifestyle, and any other classification you can think of. It’s the one thing we can all get behind.

It’s not a wonder that most every religious service has some kind of musical component. After all, what better delivery mechanism than music to pass along the message (the Word, if you will)?

Believe it or not, I grew up in a religious household. Definitely not fanatical, mind you, but we went to church pretty much every Sunday. The sermons and the hollow rituals I could do without, but I always enjoyed the hymns. They were traditional hymns, nothing too “out there” (we were Methodists after all). But I remember how “Amazing Grace” grabbed me. It was emotional. It was moving. When well-sung, it could do exactly what I described above. I remember visiting a church that was predominantly African American when our youth group was invited to a Sunday service by their youth group. Unlike our (shall we say) “quiet” congregation, these churchgoers got up for hymns. There was excitement. There was energy. There was passion. I loved it.

Music can be a wonderful delivery mechanism for religious beliefs. Absolutely. But the beauty part here is that music, even music written for a religious purpose, doesn’t have to be limited to that intended purpose. Music is a very personal thing. You interpret it however you want. You take from it whatever you need. It is yours to discover and yours to decipher.

Anybody remember the television show “Greatest American Hero”? Yeah, didn’t think many of you would. But the theme song for that show was called “Believe It or Not” by Joey Scarbury. This song was a highlight of mine from the church camp I went to as a kid in St. Simons Island.

Look at what's happened to me, I can't believe it myself; Suddenly I'm up on top of the world, Should've been somebody else.

Believe it or not, I’m walkin' on air, I never thought I could feel so free; Flyin' away on a wing and a pray’r, Who could it be? Believe it or not, it’s just me.

Just like the light of new day, It hit me from out of the blue; Breakin' me out of the spell I was in, Makin' all of my wishes come true.

Believe it or not, I’m walkin' on air, I never thought I could feel so free; Flyin' away on a wing and a pray’r, Who could it be? Believe it or not, it’s just me.

I believe the camp organizers meant to imply that God, the Holy Spirit, and/or our fellowship were the reason we were “walking on air”. (Let’s put aside the next couple of lines that say “Look at me, Falling for you”. We’ll just let that go for now). I realize now, though, that the feeling I got (the reason it sticks out even now) was not from the Holy Spirit or faith in God or anything like that. It was about the feeling I got from the song itself. The way it made me feel at the time (and even now).

Planting Flags

Who remembers the song playing when you got your first kiss? What about the first drive by yourself, free of parents? What was playing when you danced your first dance at your wedding? What were you singing as you rocked your baby to sleep?

Ever realized how music is interwoven so tightly with the impact points in your life? Ever thought about the fact that you could listen to your iTunes library and replay your life story? All through music.

“Believe It or Not” is now representative of my youth church camp. So many other things went into that experience at Epworth By the Sea, but that song serves as the gateway to all of those other wonderful memories. When I think back over my life (yes, it sounds like I’m writing as an 80-year old man, and let’s face it, sometimes I feel like one), I am struck by how many songs can transport me back to that point in my life.

6:00am. Friday. Summertime. Late 80’s. Hardee’s sausage biscuit, Coke, and Motown. That was my experience when I went to “work” with dad on Fridays. Every time I hear this song, I think of my dad and the fun we had driving to and from all of his product drops. The Four Tops - “Same Old Song”

Coming into middle school, I was a shy child. Didn’t really know where I fit in with school groupings. I found a home at Richards Middle School in chorus. I remember a very specific concert in which Rob Wilson, Trey Wells, and Josh Becker sang a song that I remember to this day. And it even sparked my interest in a brand new artist (at least to me) as well as a new genre of music (again, for me) called country. Garth Brooks - “The River”

I remember vividly a school dance in the fall of 1994. I want to say it was even a Magnet Social (for all you CHS’ers out there). I was wearing a sweater vest (lord help me), and hoped against hope that a certain girl, one Lauren Johnson, would dance with me. She didn’t, but I remember the song that played when she danced with someone else. Boyz II Men - “I’ll Make Love To You”

From 1996 on, this song has served as the song from the early stages of Jayme and I’s relationship and later marriage. It was even the song I woke up to every morning, when we had a CD player-based alarm clock. Ty Herndon - “Living In A Moment”

A television show that Jayme, her mom, and I watched (Roswell) brought Jayme and I our wedding song. It started a relationship with this band that still exists today. Lifehouse - “Everything”

Jayme and I watched this movie 17 times in the theater. Yes, 17 times. We were young. And in love. And had no other bills to pay. :) James Horner - “The Portrait” (from Titanic)

My sister gave me a gift, a CD, for my newborn baby girl, Miss Caroline Rose Feagin. Will Hoge - “Baby Girl”

Early one morning, I am sitting in the nursery rocking my littlest man back to sleep after a bottle (finally giving Jayme a break from feedings). And I am singing this softly to Brian, as he drifts off to sleep. Jeff Buckley - “Hallelujah”

I was in San Francisco for the first time on my own in the summer of 2011. I was attending WWDC for (what turned out to be) Steve Jobs' last keynote. I was surrounded by nerds and geeks and was having a blast. Brandon Fowler - “Crossfire”

I am singing on stage in my first ever karaoke appearance. Jayme, along with a lot of my co-workers, cheer me on while we sail to the Bahamas aboard a Disney Cruise ship. Billy Joel - “Piano Man”

In the fall of 2012, I am watching a total guilty pleasure of a television show (Nashville) and a song comes on that stands up and punches me in the gut. Because in it, a real story of want, desire, and togetherness is transmitted through a beautiful and sublime duet. And it hits me hard. Sam Palladio and Clare Bowen - “Fade Into You”

I could go on and on for days. All of these songs signify points, people, and events in my life that have made a significant impact. They will be with me forever. They should (and will) be cherished and celebrated forever. Because they have made me the man I am today. And will serve as the cornerstone of who I will be for years to come.

It is music that allows those memories, those people, and those events to live on. In our past. In our present. And even in our future.

Music, a very powerful thing indeed.

Happy 81st, sir. Your class has been unmatched in the game. You are the best.

The Secret to a Long Life: Be Cooperative and Live Underground

Damn it Smithsonian, what are you trying to do to honest, hard-working people? Scare the shit out of them? I don’t care what the article is supposed to be informing us of, I’m terrified of this thing. This penis-with-teeth-at-the-end-of-it thing. WTF?!?

Source: The Secret to a Long Life: Be Cooperative and Live Underground

I saw this on Twitter and thought it was just, well, brilliant.

You might be cool, but you'll never be "include your dogs in your official astronaut photo" cool.

(phone ringing) (click)

Tim Cook: “Good morning, everyone. Tim Cook here. $74.6 billion revenue 74.5 million iPhones sold One quarter”

(brief pause)

“Bitches”

(dial tone)

I’ve always wondered if it was just me…

www.youtube.com/watch

You’re welcome!

Raise your hand if you live by your fears.

Come on. Raise those hands. Everyone. Raise your hands. Both of them.

I know mine are raised. Fear is everywhere. Am I raising my children right? Am I being a good husband? Father? Co-worker? Friend? Son? Person?

Is this what I want to do with my life? How I want to live it? How I want to leave my mark on the world, my kids, my family, everyone around me?

And those are just the existential kind of fears. What about the small, run-of-the-mill fears? Did I remember to turn the oven off? Did I lock the door? Did I forget something the kids were supposed to have signed?

It seems overly easy these days to get bogged down in fears. Big fears. Small fears.

(Be careful, I might start to sound like Dr. Seuss here in a minute…)

I think this is why dreams exist. To give us a break from that fear. Give us something to look forward to. Some hope. Of a better…

…something.

Maybe what we’re all doing here is searching for our own something.

Keep searching. You’ll find it. And when you do, don’t ever, ever let go of it.

I know I have been raised in the south, where cars are pretty much necessary. So maybe this happens a lot in the large, packed-in, northern cities and I’m just not aware of it, but I have now seen everything.

A taxi In the drive thru At McDonald’s Passenger out the back window

Yeah…

Florida becomes 36th state to legalize gay marriage

This makes me exceptionally proud. For every generation, especially my kids' and beyond. We are all people, and it’s time we start acting like it.

If you hadn’t heard by now, Stuart Scott, 49, passed away this morning after a long battle with cancer. If you know who Stuart Scott is, you already know everything I’m about to say. If you do not, you have missed seeing a joyous, beautiful soul in action.

This morning, ESPN had some very moving tributes to Stuart. Second only to Jim Valvano’s original speech in 1993, Stuart reminds us at the 2014 ESPYS acceptance speech for the Jimmy V Award for Perseverance that life is precious and up to us to make the most of it. In his words, “you beat cancer by how you LIVE, why you live, and in the manner in which you live.”

Tears were falling in my coffee this morning as I watched them. I can’t believe they won’t be flowing from your eyes when you watch them as well.

Stuart Scott’s Legacy 2014 ESPY Speech Rich Eisen Says Goodbye

Robin Roberts, a very good friend of Stuart’s and a fellow cancer fighter, shared her thoughts on FB this evening:

As we were about to board our long flight home Amber checked her phone one last time. She pulled us out of the line and all she had to say to me was...Stu. The news we were dreading and not at all prepared to hear. Stuart Scott has died.

This picture was taken shortly after Stu was presented the Jimmy V Award for Perseverance at last year’s ESPYS. He gave a speech that still had me in tears as we chatted backstage. Tears of admiration and profound gratitude. Grateful that this beautiful, strong man was a dear friend. Grateful that he had the strength that night to deliver such a powerful, meaningful message. Admiration for how he valiantly faced cancer..again and again.

As I stared out the window on the flight home tears again streamed down my face. By the time we landed so many had posted wonderful tributes to Stu. President Obama, LeBron James, Tiger Woods…and our ESPN family. I’m still struggling to find the words to express my feelings. But then I think of Stu’s own words at the ESPYS. He was right. “You beat cancer by how you LIVE, why you live, and in the manner in which you live.”

He closed his speech, with his sweet daughter Sydni by his side on stage, by saying “have a great night and a great rest of your life.” That was Stu, always thinking of others.

Bless you, my friend, for showing us how to live and how to love. Tonight after I say my prayers and thank the good Lord for Stuart Scott…I’m going to climb into bed…and flip my pillow over to the other side. XO

This is the worst trap to fall in to in life. Whether it relates to work, family, romantic relationships, whatever. The way it’s always been done might work and be perfectly fine. But nothing in life is perfect, It can always be improved. Embrace the improvement. Accept the change. It might just be for the better.

Take a chance. Your life will thank you.

Brian is now 7 years old. And I believe he’s turning into a human garbage disposal. Seriously, this kid is 7 years old, 4' 2" tall, skinny as a rail, and can’t stop eating. (I should note here that he is, in fact, my son, so his whole body may be skinny, but his head is quite massive. Just sayin’)

His favorite saying recently is “I’m still hungry”. To everything. Doesn’t matter how much he eats, what time of day it is, nothing.

5 waffles down? No problem. “I’m still hungry, daddy!”

Pancakes, fruit, and cinnamon rolls? Piece of cake. “I’m still hungry! And did someone say cake?”

Snack time in the afternoon, specifically after he gets home from school, is a classic “I’m still hungry” moment. Keep in mind he has already eaten breakfast, a morning snack (which I pack for him everyday), and lunch for the day. By 3 o’clock, though, it’s time for afternoon snack.

If he actually ate cookies (which he doesn’t because most cookies have chocolate in them and he doesn’t like chocolate), he’d be like Cookie Monster (“COOOOOOKIES!"). While I’m on the subject, what kid does not like chocolate? I mean really!?!

Despite all of that, even despite being eaten out of house and home, this is the smile you get from him. And you realize it’s all worth it.

1) Write (here) more. I have gotten away from blogging in recent years. Part of that’s work, part of it’s just life, but I don’t like it. I want to write. I like to write. I’m going to write.

2) No More Drama Paging Ms. Blige…

3) Be Happier It’s been a difficult year. I’m not going to let 2015 unfold like 2014. I’m just not going to do it. It’s time to take control of my own happiness. For me. Because I deserve it.

That’s it. That’s the list.

See you in 2015! (And you will…)

On this Christmas Eve, as I drive around Rockford, IL and cook Christmas dinner with my sister Emily, I am reminded of how much music is part of not only my life, but also my holidays. I thought I’d share 6 of my favorite holiday songs. Any one of these songs makes it instantly feel like the holidays, and maybe they will make it feel like the holidays to you as well.

Please Come Home for Christmas Aaron Neville

O Holy Night Michael Crawford

Happy Xmas (War Is Over) John Lennon

Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) Darlene Love

Mary, Did You Know? Pentatonix

Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree Brenda Lee

“Well, hello …"

Now, they’re just f***ing with me.

Yesterday, I went to McDonald’s for lunch (no judgement!). I ordered my double cheeseburger, ketchup only, Coke as the drink meal, as I always do. Yes, I slow down the line with my “special order” burger, but shut up. My $4.86 is just as good as yours, so there.

Anyhow, I was feeling particularly hungry that day, so I ordered it large-sized. You know, what they used to call supersize. But some dispirit made a movie about them and called it “Supersize”, and well, you know the rest. Now they cut your tongue out if you even breathe the word, much less say it.

So, I ask the lady if she can large-size that for me.

“Sure, and since you have made your meal a large size, you get a free cookie. Would you like oatmeal raisin or chocolate chip?”

I’m sorry, what?! Was there even a choice in that question?

You’re going to give me a 300+ calorie sugar-laden cookie as a “gift” because I ordered my 1800+ calorie meal large-sized?

Was the self-loathing not evident enough in my voice as I gave in to the fast food gods to order my double cheeseburger with large fries and a large Coke? Did you feel that wasn’t enough?

You’re ok with making me hesitant to even show my yuppie face at Window #1 to pay for my large meal with my no-cash-holding-only-credit-card-available self? And then pull up to Window #2 and wait for them to hand me the bag, which as it hits my passenger seat, it implants a visible grease stain and proceeds to permeate the car with the not-so-easy-to-hide stink of McDonald’s on the go?

Is that what you want from me, Mr. Creepy Clown mascot guy? To surrender my pride? Give in to your heavenly salted french fries that still beat every fry I’ve ever had (that do not involve truffle oil and parmesan cheese)?

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

“Chocolate chip, please”, I say.

I am so blessed that my kids do not have to endure the struggle that is stuttering. Looking at them tonight at dinner, I marvel not only at their growth, but at their tenacity, their wit, and their innocence. I want everything for them, with as little pain and disappointment as possible.

I know what living with stuttering as been like. It is a struggle everyday. They don’t have to deal with that. They are “normal” in that respect.

One less hurdle they don’t have to jump. One less dragon to slay.

And that makes me happy.

Someone once asked me why I write and publish this blog. Why take the time to write down my thoughts?

Like so many times before, this got me thinking beyond just the question asked of me. It got me thinking of people in general. And not just blogs. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, other types of social media. Why do we put these things out in the universe for people to read or look at? What do we gain from it? What do our “friends” gain from it?

In perusing my own Facebook stream, there are posts and pictures on all kinds of topics. As of right this minute, I see posts about the death of Robin Williams, an update from my mother-in-law on her television watching habits, and loads of pictures of others' little ones. Pictures of children, specifically, litter my feed on a daily basis. In the past, I’ve seen people share things from stories of tearing tendons in their pinky toes to asking for prayers for their family. I’ve seen announcements of death. I’ve seen announcements of birth. I’ve seen sadness, grief, happiness, joy.

All online for their friends to read, share, experience. For the world to read.

Why?

For all intents and purposes (thank you, mom, for that ingrained saying), these people are strangers in our everyday lives. They know of us, but they don’t know us. Not like our spouses know us. Not like our brothers and sisters know us. Our closest friends. Even our kids.

Yet, we let them in and share things that once were considered deeply personal. Our anguish, our bliss, our excitement. And in Instagram’s case, even our dinner.

Again, why do we do it?

I think we, as human beings, crave to be understood. We want to be accepted. If not in a specific group or team, then in society as a whole. We try to conform. And even when we actively rebel against conformity, we end up joining a group of others who have also decided to rebel. We want to belong.

Back in 2011, I started this blog with the intent of sharing my thoughts on happenings and experiences in my own life. Stories I had read, events I had witnessed (or been a part of), shows I had watched, thoughts that whirl around in my wandering mind from time to time. It was an outlet.

But more importantly, it was me sharing my own thoughts with others, hoping they would understand me a little better. Hoping they would get a glimpse of what makes me tick, make them see who I really am. In public, depending on how you know me, I am a joker guy, a serious work guy, and/or a wings and beer sports watching guy. (Jayme likes to say the fact that I prefer boneless wings instead of bone-in tends to negate my macho guy persona.)

But what people don’t always realize is that I am actually a very thoughtful guy, in the sense that I sit around pondering random thoughts and playing out various scenarios to their sometimes extreme end. I will watch movies and find myself lost in various thoughts that have nothing to do with the actual plot. And in all of these thoughts and ponderings, I wonder what other people think. How they would respond to the same questions. How they process information differently than me. Are they right? Am I right? Is there a right?

So, to answer that question for others wondering the same thing, I put my thoughts down on (digital) paper. I write posts like this one on understanding things, so you can understand me.

Understand?

On a recent trip to the west coast, Starbucks became my new best friend each morning. I’m so used to getting up and making my own cup(s) of coffee, I was having serious withdrawal. One particularly early morning, I found myself locked out of the parking garage. It didn’t open until 6:00am. I looked at my phone. 5:02am. Damn. So, poor planning on my part. Got it. What can I do for another 58 minutes rather than trekking back to the hotel? Wouldn’t you know it, there’s a Starbucks right next door. And when do they open? Yep, 5:00am.

Saved.

I walked in and realized I had never seen a Starbucks so empty. Not surprising, as I’m not usually there as they open the doors at 5am. I walked around to the counter, and the barista greeted me with a very inviting smile and their (I’m sure) patented motto “What can I get started for you?” I ordered my venti non-fat, no-whip, 2-pump mocha. I needed the extra flavor this morning, as I had a set out on a 2-hr drive once I could get to the car.

She tapped it all in, looked up, smiled, and gave me the total. A newbie at using the Starbucks mobile app, I had to ask her for help. She tapped the taps needed to get to the pay function, and helped me scan it into the little barcode reader thing. She looked like she felt sorry for me, as I fumbled to understand how to use this new-fangled technology. But that look was given in the nicest and most genuine way possible.

It was then that I noticed how beautiful she was. Not in the model sense, and not in the high school popularity sense. In the naturally beautiful way. Hair pulled back in a ponytail. Wearing the stupid green hat they make them wear. But that stupid hat seemed to compliment her. Her smile was warm, genuine. And her eyes sparkled. Gorgeously light blue. The kind of girl you can actually see yourself talking to, getting to know, being your absolute self with. She was “I want you to meet my friends, my parents, my family” material. Definitely.

She scurried off to make my specialty drink and I walked over to the seated bar by the window. As I set my stuff down, I thought about her. What was her life like? What were her friends like? Where did she live? Did she have a boyfriend? A husband? A girlfriend? How did she draw the early shift this morning? Had she switched with a co-worker? Did she go to school? Did she have any kids?

It is fascinating to think about random people you interact with on any given day. They have all of these situations happening in their lives that you know nothing about, and will never know about. Life threads that will never, ever intersect with you again. Except for this moment. Except for the moment when you order a venti non-fat, no-whip 2-pump mocha. And she smiles at you.

So, I thought to myself. What would happen if, after she has handed me my drink, I told her “Excuse me, but I just couldn’t leave here without telling you how beautiful you are. I hope you know that. Have a wonderful day.”

What would she say? How would she react?

Seat aside the immediate reaction for a moment. How would that change her day? Would she tell her co-worker what had happened and they share a smile and giggle? Would it make her feel better if she was having a rough morning? Would it make her feel beautiful? Would it make her smile on the inside for the rest of the day? The week? The month? Would it cause her to text her boyfriend or girlfriend and set up plans for that night? Maybe ask to set up a trip for them to go on with their next available vacation time?

That simple statement could have a profound impact on her day, her relationships, her work. Even her life.

All stemming from a single statement. A compliment.

Maybe she finishes her shift and is on her way home, and lets someone in traffic when she normally wouldn’t. That person, benefitting from her nice gesture, makes it just in time to see their kids’ first hit at a baseball game. And that person, at their child’s celebratory dinner, tips their waiter a bit more than they normally would. And with that extra tip money made, it allows the waiter to make his final payment on an engagement ring.

And so on. And so on.

That simple statement, that ripple, can affect so many lives beyond that of the two people originally involved.

That’s powerful. And inspiring.

I love this picture on so many levels:

Tonight, Brian asked for pigs in the blanket for dinner. So, on my way home, I stopped to get some wieners and crescent rolls from the grocery store.

Pilsbury crescent rolls? Check! Hebrew National beef franks? Check!

Awesome! On my way!

As I’m walking down the aisle to get back to the front of the store, I look down and see the back of the Hebrew National packaging. Something peculiar strikes me. There are only 7 franks in the package. I look at the package of crescent rolls. 8. Hebrew National package again. 7. Looking at the hot dog buns on the next aisle over, they are in packages of 8.

Am I missing something?

Why would you make a package of hot dogs to always have 1 short of whatever bun/roll you pair with the dog? I don’t understand.

Time to consult the Google.

Turns out…“In Hebrew numerology the number 7 represents completion and wholeness. In fact 7 is most often chosen by God for self-representation.”

Well, there you go. I didn’t know that. The serious OCD in me cringes with the notion of having 1 extra bun/roll in a “set”. When there are 8 buns or rolls, there should be 8 dogs, right? Right?!

Oy!

Love it!

I’ve seen this a couple of times, but it made laugh again yesterday. The caption was: “All this technology is making us antisocial.”

Soccer season has started again, and for numerous reasons, we still have Caroline playing in Kennesaw, even though it’s 45 minutes away every Monday and Thursday (practices) as well as Saturday games. Debate the merits of that decision with me all you want, but that’s what we’ve gone with.

As an assistant coach, I’m asked to be there for most practices. This particular Monday night, the head coach was out of town on business and I volunteered to lead practice. 6:30 - 8:00, good times. So, Caroline and I are trekking up to Kennesaw, trying to make sure we have enough time to have a “proper” dinner. And by proper, I mean not McDonald’s. Even with traffic, we get up there about 5:20, just enough time to go to Firehouse and grab a sandwich dinner before getting to the practice fields early and getting ready for the rest of the girls to arrive.

We walk in to the restaurant, Caroline trying to figure out where the chips are, and I reach in my pocket to fetch my wallet. Umm, nothing. You see, it was cold that morning and I wore my wool coat to work. When I wear my wool coat, I keep my wallet in the breast pocket, so I always have it with me. Good plan, right? Well, except when I don’t have my coat with me. I had taken it off when I went to get lunch that afternoon and had placed it in the backseat of my car. Still, not a problem. But, Jayme and I switched cars before we headed up to Kennesaw, leaving my coat in the Audi instead of the Rogue that I was driving.

So, no wallet.

Standing in the middle, ready to place my order, and I have no wallet. No credit cards, no cash, no nothing.

Now what?

I happen to have a check for some reason in the car, and with some help, thought about where I could possibly cash the check so we could still get something to eat before we had to be at the fields. The grocery store was brought up as an idea, and I remembered the Kroger right next door. Worth a shot. Let’s try it. I also had Jayme take a picture of my driver’s license and text it to me. Maybe if I looked pitiful enough, they’d help me.

After walking in, and getting on the express line, I started to craft my sob story for the poor cashier who was about to help me. The lady in front of me was done now, and it was my turn. I explained what was happening and asked if I could use a check to pay for a water (for Caroline’s practice) and get cash back. She said sure, that wouldn’t be a problem. As long as I had ID. Well, I explained, I have ID, it’s just in downtown Atlanta. But I do have a picture of it. She looked perplexed (as I expected her to), and kind of stared at my phone for a long moment. After thinking long and hard, she turned and called to her manager.

“He’s asking to get cash back from a check, but he doesn’t have ID on him. It’s just on his phone. Can we do that?”

He looked at it for a while as well, and finally nodded his head and said sure, as long as we can read it.

Success! Yes!

I write the check out for $26.71 ($25.00 plus the $1.71 for the water) and present it to her. She writes my DL number on the check, takes my phone number, and proceeds to process the check in the register. It runs through just fine, making that old-school check printing sound I know so well from my childhood and all is good in the world.

Except…

Beep. Uh oh.

The cashier looks at the readout on the register. “The amount has exceeded the allowed amount.” She looks quizzically at the register for a minute.

“Let me try to run it again.”

Being a programmer, I know this will not work. It’s not an error in the machine processing. It’s hit a business rule. My heart starts to sink.

She calls the manager over again, and explains the situation. The register message and everything. He explains that the reason for the error is that I’ve never cashed a check at Kroger before (which is true), and that the computer doesn’t know my account (not sure I believe this at this point), so I’d have to write another check. I explain to him that this is the only check I have (given my story). He, somewhat abruptly, explains that all that can be done has been done and he can no longer help.

My shoulders sag. I am out of options. There’s nothing else I can do.

Then, something amazing happens.

The lady that had been standing patiently in line behind me in the express line asks the cashier if she can buy the water for me. Apparently, she had heard my story and had taken pity on me and was going to buy the water for Caroline’s practice. I was extremely grateful to her, knowing she did not have to do that. But, she surprised me even more by asking the cashier if she could get $25 in cash back from the purchase of the water.

And she gave it to me. She smiled at me and said, “I hope you have a great night and a good practice.”

She walked toward the door, and I thanked her profusely. I think I actually called her an angel, because she was. She had no obligation to do any of that. And yet, she did. And was so gracious in doing so.

I am very lucky. And extremely grateful.

Our faith in others is so easily lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Tons of things to do and seemingly not enough time to get it all done. We miss opportunities to help others everyday, if only because we overlook them. This lady saw that opportunity. And went out of her way to help. We should all take our cue.

And pay it forward.

After reading this tweet, I went to the completely verified wealth of all human knowledge, Wikipedia, to find out what this was all about. Here’s what I found out:

The Christmas truce was a series of widespread, unofficial ceasefires that took place along the Western Front around Christmas 1914, during World War I. Through the week leading up to Christmas, parties of German and British soldiers began to exchange seasonal greetings and songs between their trenches; on occasion, the tension was reduced to the point that individuals would walk across to talk to their opposite numbers bearing gifts.

I can’t understand something. These guys spend months trying to kill each other day and night. Then, take a week off and sing Christmas carols, exchange presents, and generally be nice to each other. And then, go right back to killing each other. Dead. As in dead. No more life. All done.

Just don’t understand.

So, here’s the thing. I always thought I slept on one side of the bed or the other because that’s where my comfort lay. As a kid, this never came into play. I had a single bed, so there was no left or right side of the bed. It was more of in the bed vs. out of the bed kind of thing.

When I got a bit older, though, I got a double bed. Oh, the decision. Where do I sleep? Left side or right side? For that bed, I chose the right side. Why did I choose the right side? At the time, I didn’t know. Hell, up until about 10 min ago, I didn’t know. I just picked and went with it.

So, that was it, right? Right side forever, baby!

Hang on a second there, Custer…

This is where Jayme enters the picture. When setting up our first apartment, I was all of a sudden on the left side. Huh. Isn’t this going to cause a problem? Won’t I have trouble sleeping? Turns out, not so much. It didn’t affect me at all. In fact, over the next couple of places, we flipped sides each time.

As of right now, I sleep on the left side of the bed.

So…conclusion reached. Awesome. Now, I can go back to bed.

Again, not so fast. As some of you know, I’m in Austin, TX this week for a conference. It’s just me in the bed right now. So, why am I sleeping on the right side of the bed while I’m here? There’s no one else in the bed with me. No one blocking the left side. What gives?

This is where the subconsciousness nuttiness that lives in me comes out to play. Based on the layout of the hotel room, the right side of the bed is in the middle of the room. If I were to sleep on the left side of the bed, there would be a lot of space on the other side of the room and I would be right up against the wall. It’d be out of balance.

Hence, I lay on the right side of the bed.

Now, I thought I was just being specific to this trip when I thought about it the first time. Then, I started thinking about all of the times I’ve slept alone in a room. I always seem to migrate to the middle of the room. Remember I mentioned my first double bed? Same situation. Had I chosen the left side of the bed, the room would have been out of balance with me in it.

These are the kinds of thoughts that go through my head at 3:30am when I’m alone.

Yeah.

Ok…who gets this? Anybody? Anybody?

Beuller?

So, here’s an engineering problem for you. What do you do when you run out of room to store water?

Umm…what?

Just go with it. Imagine this scenario. You are in charge of directing a flow of water to a well. Man-made well, natural well, it doesn’t matter. There is a well and you need to get the water to it. With me so far?

Ok, so what’s the first thing to do? Right, build a canal. To build the canal, you figure out a way to route the water from the source (and let’s just assume the source is known and definable…say a river) to the well. Fairly simple. Run pipes to get it from point A to point B. There are time-tested ways of doing this. No need to re-invent the wheel on this one.

Got it. Check!

We’re done, right?

Well, no.

Notice I didn’t say anything about how much water we’re talking about nor how big the well is. So, let’s define that now. The well has a volumetric limit. The water, so far as you know, is limitless.

Uh oh, now what?

Another constraint: You can’t build another well (everything has a budget, right?!) and you can’t modify the current well. What do you do?

Well, you keep the piping in place so that the “new” water still runs to the well, but figure out how to move the water currently in the well somewhere else. Ok, Lee, that sounds great, but where do you put the water you’re taking out of the well?

One thing you could do is build holders. Whether they be pitchers, cups, whatever you can think of. Something to get the water out of the well. You can start to stack these objects up on dry land, and therefore, take (and keep) the water out of the well. Hence, the “new” water has a place to go.

But you’re probably recognizing something if you’re thinking ahead. This practice can’t go on forever. Water has to go somewhere, and sooner or later, you will run out of space. So, what happens? You have a spill. Water goes everywhere and things get bad.

Well, crap. What a terrible story, Lee. Why did you tell us about this?

Very simple.

Because that’s what happens when you have to wait to go to the bathroom in the middle of a long presentation. What is on your mind during that whole time?

That’s right…don’t spill!

As I was laying in bed the other night, I happened to look out the two full-length windows on the other side of the room. I’ve looked out these two windows for a little over a year now, but something was different on this night. There was a glow outside. I had no idea where the light was coming from, but it looked familiar. Reminiscent of something I have seen in the past.

And it struck me. It reminded me of was a directional light on the set of a movie or television show. The frame of the window was hiding the actual source of the light, casting an artificial glow to the background scenery outside the window. Like the two big windows were serving as the glass on a screen, with me on one side and some other world on the other.

Anyone remember the 1998 Jim Carrey movie The Truman Show? If you don’t, here’s the very, very quick synopsis from IMDB: An insurance salesman/adjuster discovers his entire life is actually a TV show. One of the things that happens to show Truman he is the star of a TV show is when a light falls from the perfectly blue “sky”. Hmm…like seeing some strange artificial glow outside your bedroom window?

As with most things that strike me, my mind started going in so many different directions. What if my life were being filmed? What if everyone was watching your every move? What if an entire population knew your secrets, your inner thoughts, your worries, your fears?

Or worse, what if all of this was not real? What if the experiences in your life might not have been genuine? What if the people in your life, the ones you loved and trusted, turned out to be actors? What would you do?

Would you change…you?

While there are certainly things I think the public might not want to see ( ;) ), I don’t regret things in my life. I don’t regret the decisions I’ve made, the actions I’ve taken. I don’t regret the direction it has taken, either.

So, would I change anything?

No.

Not the core of who I am. Not what makes me, well, me. I like who I am. I think others like who I am as well. I wouldn’t need to change me. I wouldn’t want to change me. Everything that is wrapped up in this package defines who I am. How I interact with the world around me. How I interact with the people in my life. Changing that would make me not…me.

Faced with Truman’s discovery and the circumstances derived from that discovery, it would be easy to not trust anything. To think everything was fake. Not real. And maybe nothing is real in that situation.

Except for one thing…I would be real. In my heart, in my soul, and in my mind. At my core.

And that’s what matters.

Spotted in the wild…a contraption called a pay phone. Apparently, natives insert circular currency into the machine to make a phone call. According to the local medicine man, the currency is known as “coinage”.

Fascinating stuff!

Before

After

What would you say? What would you say to the person you loved the most in the world in the last 10 minutes of your life? If you could say anything, anything in the world, what would it be?

This question always reminds me of one of the final scenes in Shakespeare’s famed Romeo and Juliet. Romeo is in the tomb of his beloved, gazing over her, believing that she is dead. He says,

Eyes, look your last! Arms, take your last embrace! and, lips, O you The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss A dateless bargain to engrossing death!

But wait one second there, Romeo. What would have happened if the poison wasn’t instantaneous? What if the good Friar had mixed it just a little too light and it took a bit of time to kick in? Say, 10 min? What would they have said to each other in that final 10 minutes?

How do you tell someone, someone you love so much that you would sacrifice your life to lay beside them forever in death, what is on your mind? What do you tell them?

Lifelong secrets?

The depth of your love for them?

Quote lyrics from your favorite love song?

This is a thought exercise, I understand that. I can’t sit here and say exactly what I would do, because I don’t know. I don’t know that anyone ever really knows until that situation is thrust upon them. But, I can guess. And my guess is that I would say…

Nothing.

Wait, wait, wait…hold on. I asked the question about what I would say, right?

I did. But, here’s the truth. I would say nothing at all. Do you know what I would do? I would look them in the eye and hold their gaze. Until the poison finally overtook me, my eyes ceased to function, and I could not see anymore.

Why?

There is a famous saying: “The eyes are a but a window to the soul.”

I believe that. Very much. The eyes speak volumes the mouth would never utter. I trust the eyes. They give away so many things. Sadness. Joy. Love. Vulnerability. Anger. Hurt. Despair. Happiness. All without needing to say anything or do anything. They are the window to which we can understand someone. Fully. Deeply.

Especially someone special.

The last 10 minutes of my life, I would look into my loved one’s eyes and imprint their soul onto mine. And take that with me.

Why do we trust? Why do we open ourselves up to possible failure? Possible pain? Why do we expose ourselves to that kind of emotion?

These things have been swimming around in my mind tonight. Of course, these questions could be asked about multiple endeavors in life. But I want to focus on relationships with other people. Friends. Family. Loved ones. Lovers. These people that we draw close to us. The people that we want to be there when we need them. The people we share our most intimate vulnerabilities with.

Why do we draw people in like this? Don’t we know we can get hurt? Of course we do. But like so many other things in life, we take the risk. We take out a trust in that other person that they will not hurt us. That they will not use the vulnerabilities we expose to them to hurt us. That they will not use them as weapons to wound us. Because that wound will probably never heal. Not completely. It will heal superficially, yes. But that cut will run deep. Very deep. No amount of apology or explanation will ever heal the scar tissue left in the wake.

This is obviously why we have to choose our friends, our family (and yes, you can choose family), our loved ones, and even our lovers very carefully. We have to take them through a deep background check in our mind. Verify their bona fides before they can be let in. Before they can be exposed. Before they can be shown the true self we hide from everyone else. This is a trust issue like no other. And we must take it seriously.

And what’s in it for us on the other side? On the surface, it’s a relationship. A real, live human relationship. One with joys, heartbreak, happiness, sorrow, incredible pleasure, and unbelievable pain. We cherish the good. And we withstand the wave of bad. In the end, we hope for a split that we can live with. And maybe, just maybe, the good will outweigh the bad.

Under the surface, however, we can use these relationships as a foundation for something much greater. We can use these relationships, this grouping of shared knowledge from person to person, to build a support system that will guide us through the everyday. That will form the basis for us navigating through life. As we all know, life is messy. I mean damn messy. And who do we lean on when things seem lost? When we can’t seem to find our way back to the path? That’s right, we turn to friends, family, loved ones, and even lovers. They are there to help us. To guide us.

This is why we reach out. This is why we relate. This is why we love.

…yesterday happened during kickboxing class at the Y. You see, kickboxing class is from 7pm-8pm. But Margaret (our instructor) always holds a mini-abs session for about 10-15 minutes after the actual class ends. Yet, child care at the Y (on weeknights) ends at 8pm, so either Jayme or I have to go get the kids before class really ends and then come back. Last night, I went to gather the kids and brought them back downstairs to the classroom. They know what to do by this point, and they took their place against the wall and I went to grab one of the mats for abs work.

I’m straining like crazy (this is ab work, after all). Then I see Jayme smiling at something and look over to see what it is. Brian has somehow gotten a mat and is now doing ab work with us. And not slouching at it either. I smiled. A proud smile. A wonderful feeling smile. I got up, grabbed my iPhone and took a picture. That’s my boy!

Crass? Yes. Funny? You bet your ass!

In browsing my Twitter feed last night, I came across this Instagram photo from a phenomenal photographer named James Duncan Davidson (@duncan). And this particular image just spoke to me. Not only from the Apple nerd part of my brain (let’s see how many of you get that), but from a life perspective as well. Think about it. Why do we put up with all of this negativity? Why not just get rid of it? Delete it, if you will.

[caption id=“attachment_1357” align=“aligncenter” width=“584” caption=“Photo by James Duncan Davidson”][/caption]

Message received!

Parenting is hard. Period.

It’s unbelievably frustrating sometimes. “Why won’t you eat your breakfast Brian?” “Caroline, why the attitude this morning?” “Wow, do you guys need some sleep!” “Can I have some candy, daddy?” “Can I have some candy, daddy?” “Daddy, can I have some candy?”

“No, Brian, no!”

But there are some times where the unexpected happens. Where you are reminded why we (parents) do what we do. And don’t go completely batshit insane. One of those moments happened this morning.

Like most mornings, Brian is difficult to get out of bed (kind of like his mother, I might add). Caroline was stressing about her hair (new “do” with bangs and all that). And I was just trying to survive that hectic 50 minutes between the time they wake up and the time I drop Brian off at school.

I finally got Caroline’s hair somewhat styled (if you can call it that). But Brian came downstairs and started his pout routine because we were out of his favorite cereal and he didn’t want the cereal (which I know he also likes, btw) that was left. So, he drags himself upstairs with the “I’m just not going to eat” mantra. Fine, whatever. They’ve got breakfast at school if he really wants it. So I’m bracing for a fight to get out the door in time for Caroline to catch her bus and me get Brian to his school.

Well, they remarkably got their collective stuff together and hopped in the car at 6:54am. Two minutes to get to the bus stop. We’re good to go. When we got there and the bus was almost there, Caroline leaned up front to give me a kiss. I told her to have a good day and that I loved her and I would get her from the bus stop this afternoon. She got out and started walking toward the bus.

Brian practically leaps in the front seat. He presses the button to roll the window down and sticks his head out the window.

“Carowine!” And no, that’s not a misspelling. That’s how Brian still says Caroline’s name.

She turns her head.

“I love you!” Brian says.

When hearing that, Caroline runs back over and gives Brian a hug and a kiss as he hangs out the passenger side window.

That’s when you know it’s worth it!

So, it’s been a while since I’ve really dug into a blog post. I’ve got several that I’ve been marinating on for a bit. One even that a friend of mine asked me to write (I haven’t forgotten about that one, but the way!). Just haven’t had the opportunity to sit down and write them. Sometimes, it even comes down to not writing them as it’s not actually how I’m feeling in real life. It’s organic, really.

Anyway, I’ve realized something about myself in these past weeks. I mean, I’ve always known it. But, it’s come out to shine here recently. I analyze things. A lot. In fact, I analyze them too much. I think. See, I’m going to be questioning that sentence, that statement, for the next hour or so. It’s a sickness really.

It goes like this. Let’s say someone tells me something. How did they say it? Did they say everything they wanted to in that statement? Was there something else to say on the subject? Were they hiding something? What did they really mean to say? Are they trying to spare my feelings for some reason? Is there some hidden meaning? Did I miss that hidden meaning?

See what I mean?

There’s been a lot of thinking on my part recently. A lot of things to mull over. A lot of things to consider. Trying to figure out how to move forward on several fronts.

So, I analyze.

And analyze.

And analyze.

Until it drives me utterly insane. And I’m pretty sure it drives Jayme insane, too. And so I worry about that.

And the cycle continues…

Ever wonder why we use the phrase “I slept with him/her” when we really mean “I had sex with him/her”? I mean, (let’s face it) if it’s good, there should be no sleeping involved, right?

Why do we not say what we mean? Is it because the phrase “had sex with” is so crass that it shouldn’t be used in “polite” company? And if you are in “polite” company, would you really be talking about “sleeping with” someone anyway? If you’re going to talk about it, why not use the correct terminology?

Just wondering…

via Marco Arment’s Instagram feed

Toshiba shows off 13.3-inch Android 4.0 tablet with TV tuner

Toshiba is showing off a new tablet in Germany that has a 13.3-inch display and runs Android 4.0. The tablet, dubbed AT330, is on display at Toshiba World 2012 in Bonn, and Techfokus managed to get a close look and gather a few details. In addition to its massive size, which is nearly double that of the AT270, the AT330 also features a Tegra 3 quad-core CPU and a TV tuner — complete with an antennae that can be pulled out of the body.

A TV tuner? Really?! What is this, 1998?

I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that these manufacturers will try anything to get their foothold established in the tablet market. But, I certainly would not have expected a freaking TV tuner to be one of those “specs” that they pulled out of the trash heap from a decade (or more) ago.

What sells me on it though is the extendable antenna. Yeah, that’s…modern. I believe my parents just called from the late 80’s. They said they want their portable television back.

Just weird.

from The Verge

Lighten Up!

Sometimes, even the unsubtle jabs are hard to combat. What do you say to the guy who sits across from you when you dress up and makes a comment to everyone about it? "Oop, Katie's got the low cut dress on today! I know where I'm sitting!" Say something, and derail the meeting? Go to HR and get stuck with his work when they move or can him? Get transferred off the best team and languish somewhere else? Start wearing sweaters, even though my breasts feel like they're boiling in there (yup, that's one reason women like low tops, guys)? Which label do I want to be stuck with today? Ice Queen or Slut?

What is wrong with you? It was one comment! I bet you’d sue him if he complimented your shoes.

Lighten up.

Maybe I’m just naive, but I was taken aback by some of the things Katie mentions here. Even in the jokey, sometimes raucous place that I work, there is a line. And to my knowledge (at least), no one has crossed it. Especially in the blatant manner as described in the excerpt above. If you dare, read some of the comments. They’re (how shall I say) enlightening.

from The Real Katie

From a Mantelpiece Fern to the Front Page

[caption id=“attachment_1313” align=“aligncenter” width=“529” caption=“Photo from Doug Mills/The New York Times”][/caption]

Doug Mills didn’t have to concern himself with a crowd of jostling photographers when he shot the photograph that appeared on Thursday’s front page. He knew he had a good angle.

The only thing he had to contend with was a rogue fern.

I love geeky photography stuff like this.

Stay classy, Republicans!

from some forum

“You look so good. Have you lost weight?”

It’s really amazing how good that makes you feel. It sounds kind of cheesy, sure, but in practice, it does boost your confidence. And dare I say, your ego. Just a bit.

Several people follow that statement with something like “How are you doing it?” In fact, someone actually told me the other day not to tell her I’m not doing anything, because then she’d have to hit me. Rest assured, I am doing something. Something I’ve never done before. I began to work out, seriously, with Jayme about 5 weeks ago. It’s certainly been hard and more than a couple of times, I asked myself what the hell I was doing.

But, there is a reason I keep at it. And that reason is not what you’d first think. Not that my reason should be anybody else’s reason or my reasoning should be followed in any way. It is simply the way I justify it to myself. Every night (or evening) when the couch is literally calling my name, I have to remind myself of what’s keeping me going. I have to remind myself of my motivation.

Because it’s good for me? It is certainly good for me, but no.

For my health? It’d be a good, sensible reason…but no.

Because it’s fun? Shit no.

So what is it?

It’s actually very simple. I want to be able to take my shirt off in front of my wife and not feel ashamed.

When I look at myself in the mirror every morning and every night, I see the same person I always have. I don’t see myself for what I am. I’m not looking at that reflection with a critical eye. Because most of the time, I’m by myself. There’s no point of comparison.

That point of comparison recently hit me square in the face and it forced me to realize something. I was overweight. Doughy, if you will. To tell you the truth, it was kind of mortifying. A long time ago, I accepted I was never going to be the skinny guy. It’s not in my genes. But, in my mind, I still looked okay. Acceptable, at least.

Well, that wasn’t the case.

What upset me most, though, was the realization that I was “letting myself go”. Strangely, looking back on it, I think I knew without being aware of it. Too many times, I would actually walk into the bathroom just to change shirts. Why? Because I knew that I was embarrassed enough to not want her to see me. Sounds kind of ridiculous, doesn’t it? That’s because it is.

That’s my motivation. Simple. It gets me moving when nothing else will. It even gets me moving when everything else is telling me not to. I love my wife desperately, and I want her to be proud of me.

Besides, I’m 31 years old. Am I really ready to give up on me like that? Really!?

I don’t think so!

CHRIS PIRILLO’S FATHER TRIES WINDOWS 8

No, this is not a pick at Microsoft just because I’m an Apple nerd. (Hey, I actually like Windows 7 a lot!) This is a legitimate concern as I am the family tech support person. If a normal Windows user cannot even figure out how to get back to the Metro interface (that’s the name of the tile view this gentleman has up on the screen at the start of the video), how can I count on them to effectively use their machine? It’s ridiculous.

If this is what real users will be confronted with in Windows 8, my parent’s next computer WILL be a Mac, even if I have to buy it myself.

[youtube=youtu.be/v4boTbv9_…]

I don’t care what the product is, if you have beautiful imagery in your ads, I’m going to pay attention. And this is some beautiful imagery from the Berlin Philharmonic. See more here.

Walter Isaacson’s ‘Steve Jobs’

Talk of a “product’s essence” (Isaacson’s words) or “the fundamental soul of a man-made creation” (Jobs’s) only serves to separate, conceptually, the art of design from the cold hard science of engineering. With just five words, “Design is how it works” expresses succinctly and accurately that engineering should and can be part of the art of design.

Design and engineering are, indeed, often in opposition — engineering constraints affect design; design goals affect engineering tradeoffs. But they are not separate endeavors. The philosophical question is which one is a subset of the other. What Schiller is telling Isaacson is that prior to Jobs’s return to Apple, design was what happened at the end of the engineering process. Post-Jobs, engineering became a component of the design process. This shift made all the difference in the world.

Once again, I’m reminded that I not only love his writing, but John does analysis so damn well. I think he even analyzes his own analysis.

from Daring Fireball

The Star Wars Saga: Introducing Machete Order

Episode I is a failure on every possible level. The acting, writing, directing, and special effects are all atrocious, and the movie is just plain boring. Luckily, George Lucas has done everyone a favor by making the content of Episode I completely irrelevant to the rest of the series. Seriously, think about it for a minute. Name as many things as you can that happen in Episode I and actually help flesh out the story in any subsequent episode. I can only think of one thing, which I'll mention later.

You know, I didn’t mind Episode as much as apparently other people do. But, this guy makes a VERY compelling argument for skipping Episode I altogether. Instead of watching the movies in episode order (I-VI) or release order (IV-VI, I-III), he suggests Machete Order. That is, IV, V, II, III, and then VI. Interesting.

It would be really neat if there was a way to un-experience Star Wars and start fresh knowing nothing. What would that be like?

A lot of people will look back (and some already have) and say the announcement of the iPad 3 was not that exciting. Oh excuse me, The new iPad. As opposed to The old iPad.

Anyway, I have still not watched the actual presentation yet (just haven’t had time, to be honest). But I have certainly read about the specs and read (and listened to) countless commentary on it. “The retina display is unbelievable!” “Now we can actually use it as a camera.” “How will the other tablets catch up?”

In taking in all of that, something occurred to me that made me sit back and marvel. I am amazed at how many things Apple got right with the very first iPad. You know, the one that people kind of frown upon now because it’s so slow or it doesn’t have a camera or just has a “normal” display. Being the owner of one of those first-generation iPads, I can tell you that it still does work. And it works well. Is it as fast as the newer ones? No, of course not. But, I still use it every single day for a variety of tasks. And i still love it.

I think the fact that the past two iPads introduced have not strayed from the basic design of the first iPad should tell you how much they did get right out of the box. While other companies are (still) scrambling, changing, pulling their hair out to match Apple’s success with their own tablet, Apple just refines the market leader. Each time, making it better and better.

Will someone, someday, come up with a product to match the success of the iPad? Maybe. If (and when) they try, they will have a long, uphill battle on their hands.

Video about The new iPad

I don’t really have anything against the guy, per se. But this was just too funny to pass up!

Wall Street Bonus Withdrawal Means Trading Aspen for Coupons

Schiff, 46, is facing another kind of jam this year: Paid a lower bonus, he said the $350,000 he earns, enough to put him in the country’s top 1 percent by income, doesn’t cover his family’s private-school tuition, a Kent, Connecticut, summer rental and the upgrade they would like from their 1,200-square- foot Brooklyn duplex.

“I feel stuck,” Schiff said. “The New York that I wanted to have is still just beyond my reach.”

and…

“People who don’t have money don’t understand the stress,” said Alan Dlugash, a partner at accounting firm Marks Paneth & Shron LLP in New York who specializes in financial planning for the wealthy. “Could you imagine what it’s like to say I got three kids in private school, I have to think about pulling them out? How do you do that?”

Un-fucking-believable.

via Bloomberg

Went to one of the classes Jayme goes to at the Y tonight, called Cross Training. It really did kick my ass. Last time, while true, it was slightly ha ha humiliating. This time, not so funny. Left with just the raw, humiliating part.

Not a good feeling.

You know, it is ridiculously easy to eat McDonald’s. I mean, it’s cheap, easy, convenient (as you can’t drive for more than 5 minutes without seeing one), timely, and the food itself is good enough (for what it is). It fills you up and it’s tasty (the fries are my downfall!).

The problem is that it’s unbelievably bad for you!

It’s not a wonder we all struggle with our weight.

Maryland Republican: Meeting gay couples left me ‘changed person’

A small bit of hope in this bigoted struggle:

"I saw with so many of the gay couples, they were so devoted to another. I saw so much love," he said. "When this hearing was over, I was a changed person in regard to this issue. I felt that I understood what same sex couples were looking for."

I think this gets to the heart of the issue. It seems like it’s very easy to sit far away from real people and keep your head in the sand on the issue of gay marriage. But, when you actually meet and get to know real people leading their lives, you realize the differences are few and far between. They have normal jobs. They have normal hopes. Normal dreams. Normal petty fights with their partner over who was supposed to take the trash out. They lead normal lives.

Just. Like. You.

Dan Benjamin on the moment you realize it’s time to go to bed:

“I don’t know what I was staring at. Was I staring at the sofa? Maybe it was the wall. I don’t know why I’m still awake.”

Gold!

A friend of mine (thanks Aaron!) sent this to me this morning. Oh so perfect!!

Porsche stuck in wet cement proves karma exists | Motoramic